<p>tongue-in-cheek advice: wherever you end up, major in psychology ;)</p>
<p>joking aside, i wish those responding to the OP would realize this isn't a "oh no, my mom won't pay for college like she's supposed to! isn't she so mean? what should i do to get my well deserved college funds?" post. no. this issue is one of both irrationality (potential mental problems) and a HUGE dose of culture.</p>
<p>i am not asian, but the OP is and most of my friends are. i found it interesting to note that my best friend (taiwanese girl same age as OP) says her parents tell her continually that she isn't respecting the difficulties they had in coming to the US. nor is she as good as her older sisters. etc etc etc. my point being, this is a common theme in asian families, which i may not respect but i do sort of understand.</p>
<p>here's where it turns into a mental/irrational issue: OP's mom is blaming her for her marriage troubles? is saying the OP is making her feel "confined"? how many of you think this is rational adult behavior, of any culture? it's illogical, to be sure. blaming the child for one's own troubles is unhealthy and inappropriate. she had a child, and she needs to accept any and all burdens that come with raising one. for these reasons i don't think that the OP is to blame for her mom's behavior, because it does not seem to be a mutual falling-out. to me is seems like emotional insecurity or instability on the mom's behalf, and my only interpretation of her behavior becoming even more aggravated is that she may fear she's losing her control over her kid, once college eventually comes. she seems to try to exert power by picking at flaws that are fairly insignificant in the scheme of things (you say OP doesn't talk about what she's interested in? why doesn't the mom respect what her kid is not only interested in, but talented at doing? communication goes both ways) i don't know precisely where the line can be drawn between cultural factors and mental ones, but i do think that they both come into play here and have been largely ignored.</p>
<p>the other interesting thing i have drawn from my relationship with my taiwanese friend is that no matter how badly (by my american standards) her parents treat her, she is still willing to maintain a relationship with them throughout her life. despite the abuse (including physical) she views it as normal, and though her parents can put her through hell when all she wants is their approval and the words "i'm proud of you" she won't ever stop trying to win their (well-deserved, imo) pride. nor is this culture-specific. i know asians generally don't express emotion (including pride), but parents of any background can manipulate their children by withholding such basic things, yet their kids won't ever stop trying to get approval.</p>
<p>to those who say repairing the OP's relationship with her mom is first and foremost, i disagree. i'm not saying that anything not perfect should be discarded, nor am i saying that the OP should go, "oh my mom's not paying for college so i should make a break with her." i'm just saying that if the relationship, in subsequent years, continues to become more toxic (especially if the mom really does have unsolved mental issues, or is just plain emotionally abusive), then at some point the line needs to be drawn. at what point does a child realize that a relationship is too harmful to have any benefit? i don't know. but my mom drew that line with her own mother, and has lived a happier life since. it comes with its own troubles, to be sure, but just because you're born to a certain family doesn't mean you can't choose someone else to be your family. would you also say that someone in an abusive marital relationship should repair it? or walk away before it becomes self-destructive?</p>
<p>i know i haven't touched on options for college, but it's been well-covered. i just wanted to illustrate that there are many factors operating here underneath the surface that really define the OP's situation that i didn't think have been weighed in. so there's my two cents. best of luck to the OP, in college and in life!</p>