I really think most of the parent/child problems in our society comes from a sense of entitlement. I don't expect anything from my parents, I never expected a car, I never expected college tuition or anything. Your parents don't owe you anything and you don't owe your parent anything. Its amazing how different a child can be from their own parents though
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<p>You don't owe your parents anything? Only your existence, that's all. Don't you think something separates <em>family</em> from people to whom you have no connections whatsoever and to whom you actually don't owe anything?</p>
<p>yeah, if i were u i would apply to the best state school (what state do you live in?). at most itll cost you 10 grand a year, which you can make working part time. if that doesnt work out or you dont want to do that, apply to lesser yet still quality universities who are very generous with MERIT scholarships (UPitt comes to mind... you could prolly get a full ride there if you wanted to).</p>
<p>tagore and quark- just wanted to chime in and say I feel your pain cos I'm in the same situation. I'm trying to figure it out myself at the moment. However I disagree with those who suggest only shooting for lower tier schools based on the fact that you get merit money. It's not his fault that he's in this situation and he shouldn't have to settle. If you can, look into getting private loans (which is what I'm doing). They have some steep interest rates...but I'm not going to lie, in this world and this situation it's pretty tough to get past all those obstacles you seem to have.</p>
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If you think you deserve going to a top university, get into Princeton so they can finance you 100%.
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<p>Ah, no. Princeton and other top tier schools have no merit scholarships. Princeton's 100% financing (as well as Harvard, Yale, etc.) is strictly need-based. They consider mom's income & assets, even if she has no intention of paying.</p>
<p>The OP needs to look at schools that give merit aid to students, without regard to financial need.</p>
<p>I haevn't read this entire thread but I beleive that you should try to follow your dreams and don't let the money situation deter you at this point. Go for what you beleive is right. I don't mean that you should be petty wishing for a "pretty campus" with a car, clothes and dorm room. Try to choose your dream schools based on what is truly important to you. Parents (and people for that matter) have a way of doing things one way and then changing their minds later.. You'll never know what you could have acheived unless you give it a try. There are other folks who don't have any money at all and they make it. And trust me the CFC doesn't offer much relief. Even at 160,000 income you're still going to have to pay at least 1/2 of your tuition. This can be covered with student loans and working part-time. Think of it this way, if you get into a school tution $40,000/year they will offer you about $15,000 in assistance (grants, merit, etc) . That leaves 25k. You can make 10k per year in a part-time job. 20 hours per week * 50 weeks x $10/hour plus more hours during the summer. This leaves 15k year. If you got student loans for 4 years this will be $60,000. This sounds like alot of money, but you will have 10 years to pay it off. And if you go to a great school and get a great job, this will be about what you will pay for a new Mercedes or BMW. So, the moral of the story is; you can still go to a great school, finance it yourself and your obligations would be about the same as you bought a new car and finance it. Sounds like it's worth it to me. I'm not trying to be funny. I think you should go for your dreams. Good luck</p>
<p>The problem with what George is suggesting are:
1. Lots of parents who say they won't pay for college don't change their minds even if their kids get into HPY.</p>
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<li>Most people will not buy Mercedes or BMWs, so the comparison between college costs and the costs of those cars is bogus. Also, a person who takes out, for instance, $100,000 to pay for college is going to be hard pressed to find money to buy even a 10-year-old used car or to go to graduate school or professional school.</li>
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<p>I think your best option, before considering community college, or taking a gap year, etc., is to try fixing things with your mom. Judging from your credentials, if would be a shame if you had to transfer out of a CC, especially if your mom can pay for your education. It almost makes me feel guilty for what I have.</p>
<p>While the Ivy's give little in the way of merit, there are alot of great schools out there that do give merit money, and if I were you, that is where I would recommend that you focus the efforts. Not going to an Ivy is not going to be the end of the world, by any means. Lots of great schools and opportunities out there for something with your credentials. I would keep the door open with mom, try to remain calm and pleasant, but at the end of the day don't count on her helping you. Nothing you can do or say is going to change her position on this. Only she can change, if she decides. One of the hardest life lessons you will have to learn - that there are certain things in life that you just have to accept.</p>
<p>I don't think that a 18 yr. old adult child has the inherent right to go the the socalled best school as in Ivy League. No parent is required to pay for college education.
With that said, I think that the parent and child should have sat down by junior year and discuss what if anything the parent is willing to contribute. Which colleges (Ivy, state, private, etc) fits into the parent's financial plan. That way everybody is on the same page.</p>
<p>As Suze Orman and many other financial planners have pointed out repeatedly, parents should make their retirement plans priorty #1 ahead of paying for a child's education.</p>
<p>Speaking from experience, not all parents are willing to have that discussion, nor are they willing to commit. My ex refused to commit until March of my son's senior year, but made lots of conditional promises as to what he might do up until the very moment he said "sorry not going to help with undergrad, talk to me when its time for grad school". It wasn't about helping, it was about control. Even though this man has a UGMA in #1 son's name, he won't even release that to him for use for college. Luckily, at age 21, it will no longer be under his control. </p>
<p>Luckily I knew this was how it was going to go. I had already sat down with #1 son, and showed him exactly how much money I could contribute. We were able to make a decision based on reality and not factor in a "maybe". </p>
<p>I do agree, though, that going to an Ivy is not an inherent right and privilege. Lots of entitled kids out there who think that they should get the sun, moon and the stars. Kids need to learn how to fail and how to handle adversity. Very unfortunate for OP that his mom is being this way, but I believe he can learn from this and move forward and grow.</p>
<p>"Ah, no. Princeton and other top tier schools have no merit scholarships. Princeton's 100% financing (as well as Harvard, Yale, etc.) is strictly need-based. They consider mom's income & assets, even if she has no intention of paying."
Wasn't aware that intention to pay was not factored, and that does make sense now that I think about it.</p>
<p>Thanks for clearing that up.</p>
<p>Man how do you quote on this forum.. I checked "quote message in reply" but it didn't work</p>
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It should be against the law for a parent who makes $160,000 per year not to pay for their child's tuition. I equate this with child abuse.
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<p>That made me laugh. Quite hysterically. In a perfect world, a law like that would exist. I understand Hondu's point - yes, adults need to worry about their own financial security first. But it really irks me when parents who can afford to comfortably cover the costs of education refuse to. If you're the dependent of a wealthy parent, even if they choose not to help you, you still have to pay more than everyone else, and that's BS.</p>
<p>I don't think parents should be allowed to claim college age children as dependents if they're not going to step up to the plate and actually contribute some money towards it.</p>
<p>"My dad wont give me financial support if I don't babysit my 7 year old brother for free."</p>
<p>Why wouldn't you babysit your 7-year-old brother for free? Isn't expecting to be paid for that like expecting to be paid for helping clean up your family's home?</p>
<p>Does your dad expect you to pay him for the meals that presumably his salary provides for you?</p>
<p>AznN3rd, I babysit my 6 year-old sister approximately 30 hours per week for free and think nothing of it. In fact, I spend most of that time helping her with her schoolwork. I also will not be getting any financial support from my parents. No, you don't have it bad at all. In my opinion, you have a pretty sweet deal!</p>
<p>Wow thats tough. I know what its like to deal with disapproving parents. My parents have a pretty negative attitude towards me as well. However, considering your situation this is what I would suggest. Like others have said, with your mothers income you cannot expect to receive much financial aid. Your next best bet are scholarships ( although it is good to note that colleges factor in your scholarships w/ your financial aid - which means if they see you have a 15,000 scholarship, they'll probably just lower your financial aid and thus getting the scholarship didn't neccesarily help much). Try to look for scholarships that will give full rides or near full rides. Considering how much you have excelled in high school, this may be diffcult but not beyond what you are capable of doing. Your grades and a well-written essay should speak for itself.
Next since finances are going to be a MAJOR issue for you, you need to actively research which schools are known for forking out a great deal of financial aid & to what income ranges they give a great deal of this financial aid. This means don't be swayed or go by some colleges claims to meet 100% need. I learned this the hard way. Wesleyan claimed to have met my full financial need by giving me over 4,000 in loans for the first year alone!!!( This easily equates to 16,000+ after four years, considering the amount of loans one is expected to take out generally increases over the course of four years).You should also try to figure out whether the colleges you are applying to would willingly listen to appeals on financial aid. With word of mouth & statistics (looking into endowments helps a lot too- a lot of college who offer excellent financial aid packages have large endowments..classic example amherst gives AMAZING financial aid which is probably largely due to its one billion dollar endowment), you can avoid wasting time on applications to schools such as NYU which although an excellent school is notorious for giving very little aid+ refusing to budge!!!
In addition, consider schools that are as equally good as the ivies but have lower tuitions. For example, cooper union is a top-notch school that you can attend free of charge ( w/ the exception of a lab fee). Also possible options include the honors colleges at some lesser known but still good universities. Many of these college will fork out more dough to get great students like yourself to give their stats a boost! Carefully do your research when finalizing the college you are selecting.
On a last note, begin putting money aside & possibly consider filing independently in two or three years where your chances of getting more financial aid will increase!! My heart goes out to you- you've worked really hard & no one deserves this but try your best!</p>
<p>If your parent absolutely refuses to pay, the college can't do anything about it in terms of financial aid. You'll need to shoot for merit scholarships and outside scholarships.</p>
<p>"Wesleyan claimed to have met my full financial need by giving me over 4,000 in loans for the first year alone!!!( This easily equates to 16,000+ after four years,"</p>
<p>That was a good deal as the average college student takes out close to $20 k in loans to pay for their college education.</p>
<p>There are students who have posted on CC saying that colleges have offered them finanical aid packages that would have required them to take out $20-30k a YEAR in loans.</p>