<p>I’m a female freshman and have reached the third week of college. I talk to my mom at least once a day… sometimes twice… usually lasts from 5 to 15 minutes. My dad maybe every 2 or 3 days. </p>
<p>I was really homesick for the first two weeks and talking to them made everything bearable. I visited home the first weekend and won’t be going back for 2 weeks so I’m finding my independence but I couldn’t imagine going a week without speaking to my parents… not yet, at least. My parents are in a way my best friends.</p>
<p>It hasn’t hindered my social life or whatnot. So, 1-2x a day, And I initiate 90% of all contact.</p>
<p>I haven’t left for college yet (one more year), but over the summer when I’m on tour it’s usually once a week or two. We usually exchanged a text or two each day (simple “how are you?” things) and I would call when I needed money or just had some free time. I imagine it’ll be mostly the same in college.</p>
<p>Hm… I think I was the OP on the thread that got out of control, but I too missed the fireworks.
I was hoping for weekly communication with my son who is a freshman, but he is working on his independence, and I’m trying to be OK with less. He keeps things very close, and has never been a talker/texter so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. My second child, who is very social, will likely engage more often. I do not think threats will work for increasing communication, but I do think kids have certain responsibilities to their parents, such as letting them know when bills are due, communicating about spending parents money on non-necessities, possibly changing major, planning a trip instead of coming home for breaks, arrangements for getting home, things like that.</p>
<p>When our D was a freshman, we really tried not to call her, but let her initiate the calls. She went to school across country from us, and we were worried she would be homesick, so we figured that if she wasn’t calling us, she was probably busy and happy. AS she settled in, we really didn’t have any hard-fast rules. Like someone else said, she tends to call frequently, but they are usually short call; walking across campus, during a break, etc. Because we have unlimited minutes, she tends to call just to tell me something silly that just crossed her mind…kind of like she would talk to me if she were at home. I will say that our S did not call nearly as often, and definitely did not want to be quizzed about little things. Our oldest D was very much like her sister, and our youngest son who will enter college n ext year will likely be very much like his brother. We just kind of go with the flow and are thankful for any communication of any kind.</p>
<p>Both of mine did, and not just as freshmen. It was interesting to hear about their choices and the reasons for them, although I think they were also exploiting me as a second set of eyes to look at various graduation requirements and see whether the planned courses would fill them. But I don’t mind being exploited a little, and I learned things from talking with them. One kid even showed me a certain Web site where students rate faculty members. It’s a shame that we didn’t have something like that when I was in college.</p>
<p>We generally from our S once every two months or so when he deigns to answer his phone. :D</p>
<p>Right at the moment I am in close communication and we have had daily facebook calls and multiple emails because we are trying to iron out some major problems with his visa and working arrangements. When and if this is resolved I suppose we should expect to go back to the former standard. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>which looks at the rate of communication/frequency of today’s college students and parents…
speaking of the electronic tether etc.</p>
<p>It was a great read. </p>
<p>We generally hear from our college student 1x a week - Our student will send us a text when it is a convenient time to Skype. We find with Skype there are less frustrations with cell coverage/distractions etc.
The conversation can last 10 minutes or 20 if there is a lot to tell us or questions that need answering (when are exams/when can you fly in etc )</p>
<p>Beyond that we do not get calls/texts from our student. </p>
<p>If I have a message to send K1 - say giving a heads-up re something that can’t wait…I may send a text or message via FB.
K1 almost never responds to those texts–just takes them in stride as just info to know.</p>
<p>Kids are very good at finding info on profs and courses online - and at the freshman level the leeway to choose either one may not be as large as one may think. Course info is available online so they can look it up themselves, and Prof. TBD seems to be having a heavy course load usually :). </p>
<p>There are some clever ‘strategic’ moves one can make (take GPA killer non-major courses at a local college where the credit transfers but not the grade, for example) but by and large there may not be much to talk about - depending on major of course. A good advisor can suggest as much.</p>
<p>Story from the self-supporting, slightly older children POV: My brother (26) and I (24) are both self-supporting and live away from home. Until recently, when I moved to my parent’s state for grad school, we were both a three hour flight away–before that I was an eight hour drive away during undergrad. My parents, especially my mom, has always made a point to visit us or have us visit them a couple of times a year as time and costs allow. She puts this above pretty much all else on the “how to spend money after food, shelter, medical bills, retirement contributions, etc are paid for” scale. I asked her recently <em>why</em> it was so important to her–both my brother and I have managed to live independently for a number of years and hate taking money from our parents or making them spend money on us unless absolutely necessary. She responded that the more you see someone that better you know them and the more you have to talk about, and she likes us and wants to know us well, even if we’re adults. </p>
<p>Although I’m still in the process of trying to convince my mom that, no, she doesn’t have to visit me every week even if she now <em>can</em>, I’d still much rather have my brother and me be the type of people she wants to spend time with than the the type she’d rather avoid. :)</p>
<p>For the record, my communication frequency with my parents varies and has since I moved away. If I’m really busy with work or school, I might not talk to/text them for 5 or so day; other times, I might talk to/text them every other day or so. Occasionally, we send each other stuff from the news or news on family and mutual friends, which usually makes me smile. :)</p>
<p>Communication does not have to be ‘meaningful’. DD1 receives a healthy dose of pictures of our favorite foods / favorite places to shop / our pets’ antics / cool stuff I work on at work… Likewise I receive hilarious architecture studio critique quotes, professor antics, and even a play-by-play of her school’s successful athletic season last year (who would have thought riot control police actually pose with college students for pictures to send home?)</p>
<p>S1('10) called once a week from college.
S2('14) calls 4 to 5 times a week (mostly while walking between buildings.
Now that S1 is in a busy consulting job, he calls 4 times a week! Mostly from cabs or airports.
W & I look forward to these calls and savor them.</p>
<p>If you don’t communicate with another person regularly, you lose the context that enables you to have meaningful conversations when you do get in touch. This happened between my sister and me over the years, and we didn’t get back to meaningful communication until we had intensive contact over a period of several years while settling our parents’ estates. </p>
<p>I don’t want the same thing to happen between my children and me, but I worry that things are drifting in that direction with my son, who has moved to the other side of the country and is not prone to small talk or frequent visits.</p>
<p>S ('14) calls 2 to 3 times a month, texts a bit more depending on what’s happening. Interestingly he is much more communicative since entering his first relationship; seems happier and more open. It’s been a nice change.
D ('16) has only been at school for 2 weeks and I think I have talked to her more now than when she was home. She calls at least once a day, sometimes more. She is in a 4 week freshman program before the regular year starts and ended up not having a roommate. She has made many guy friends but is still looking for some girls that share her interests. She would rather play video games with all the boys than party, limiting her social interaction with the few girls in the program. She is loving the school, class and professor so not worried there, but hoping she will find some girl friends as well. DH would be much happier if 7 boys were not in her room every night!</p>
<p>Another tried-and-true method is to text a picture. It can be something funny (a family of ducks waddling across the office parking lot), or something that has special meaning for us (the dessert she always orders at our favorite bistro), or something I’ve bought that she’d like (my colorful new espadrilles). I’ve even sunk to texting pictures of the cats, with a “message” from the feline in question. That never fails to get a response.</p>
<p>26-year-old daughter (college graduate) calls/stops by about once a week, but we chat on FB more regularly (close to daily).</p>
<p>18-year-old daughter (college freshman) texts/calls daily and spends the night here once/week (she lives on campus but has an early morning work shift in our hometown).</p>
<p>18-year-old son (college freshman) responds more than sends texts/calls; I generally shoot him a text about once every other day or so (just something like “night - I love you!”). We have fairly lengthy phone calls once or twice a week.</p>
<p>14-year-old daughter (high school freshman) is still living at home with us.</p>
<p>I talk to my parents for ~30 minutes every day, and they live 2 minutes from my house. They’ve been extremely involved in my children’s lives and we love it that way. My husband calls his mom (who lives 5 hours away) about once a week. He rarely calls his dad, who lives 12 hours away; they’re not particularly close.</p>
<p>My daughter is a freshman and has been at school about 3 weeks, 18 hours away. Obviously, I’m dying to know every detail of what she’s doing and how things are going… but I’ve done very well at containing myself and have let her take the lead on communications. </p>
<p>So far she’s texted me once or twice a day, and called a few times… to ask for forgotten items, tell me about her classes and clubs she’s joined, and a couple times just to say hi. There have been a few days I haven’t heard from her. I’ve tried to keep things light and not ask too many questions (I’ve learned over the years that the less I pry, the more she’ll share!). From our correspondance, she’s sounded like she’s been happy, busy and making friends. Yay! </p>
<p>However…! The other night her boyfriend called to tell me that she had called him crying, saying she was lonely and missing us all. Ugghh!! It was so hard not to pick up the phone and call her right then and there! But I decided to let it go. If she feels more comfortable confiding in him, that’s fine. Hopefully it was just a fleeting moment of homesickness… but if it continues, I feel like I should let her decide whether she wants/needs to talk to me about it. Hopefully that’s the right thing to do?? </p>
<p>Don’t forget that you can tell them things, too. College freshmen are still very tied to their home communities. If the Starbucks is being replaced by a frozen yogurt place or if a family on your street has put their house on the market, your freshman will want to know.</p>
<p>When our oldest went off to college the director of housing told the parents at the “parent orientation meetings” that the worst thing you can do is tell the kids too much that you miss them. That makes things worse for the kids. What they really want to know is what funny stuff the dog did, how the nosy neighbor fell out of the window snooping on the kid next door, how their favorite teacher won an award, etc. It keeps them connected at home. If you tell them how much everyone misses them, they feel bad that they aren’t there to take care of the dog, etc. Just be careful how you word those things.</p>
<p>I have to agree, funny text messages are a good way to make sure they are still alive yet not seeming like you are checking up on them. DD and I have a game we play when we are shopping. I’m sure I will send photos of what we look for vs just pointing it out while we are shopping. She will laugh and text back her comment. Dad, on the other hand, has to send a barrage of questions and they won’t respond to that :D.</p>