<p>The issue has been around forever. In the early 80’s we had a computer program on the university mainframe that could ‘compose’ letters home by asking for answers to basic questions like weather, courses taken, etc and it would do a decent job (as long as you did not use it every time). In grad school I preferred mailing cassette tapes back and forth to my folks as audio was much quicker to compose than a letter. Calls to Elbonia were 1-2 dollars a minute… </p>
<p>Today with communication costs being negligible, and availability also not an issue (smartphone always with you and your student) that sort of raises expectations for communication frequency…</p>
<p>My parents still tell me, an adult with grown and almost-grown children, to be careful when I drive off. If they can’t reach me or one of my siblings for a day, they worry. We all are independent, well-adjusted adults, and our parents raised us very well. They are not at all controlling. I know that they caution us and worry about us because they love us. We all call each other almost daily just to check in, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In my family those “Proof of Life” calls are a way to care for one another.</p>
<p>I am by no means a helicopter parent. I let my children deal with their own problems, with advice from me when they ask and only very rare intervention on my part. I do, however, expect to hear frequently that they’re alive and well, and I’d rather get daily “I’m fine but too busy to talk” e-mails for two weeks than have a twenty-minute conversation once every two weeks. Granted, I’d love to get both, but I’ll settle for the short and frequent. :)</p>
I think it is a fear that parents have constantly–we understand that the risk is low, but the level of fear is a product of the risk X the severity of the event. The severity of this event is about as big as you can get for a parent.</p>
<p>So, yes, I worry about whether my kids are alive. I worry a little more if the risk is a little greater–i.e., when they are travelling. This is why your parents want you to let them know that you arrived safely. If they were skydiving, I’d probably be even more interested in getting that call.</p>
<p>“If they were skydiving, I’d probably be even more interested in getting that call.”</p>
<p>They just won’t tell you until after the fact. This actually happened to my friend. Both her college kids went sky diving and neither told her before they went. </p>
<p>For me it’s a relief when they are away at school and I have no idea where they are or what they are doing. I spent the whole summer half awake every night waiting to hear car pull up before being able to fall asleep. Thank goodness he is back at school and I can go back to being oblivious.</p>
<p>Marsian and Hunt, I agree! I can identify so much with both of you.</p>
<p>As a 45 year old adult, I call my mom every day. And if I fail, she worries. She worries anyway, but especially if I don’t call. Not because she’s controlling or because she doesn’t believe I can manage on my own, but just because she’s my mom, and she always wants to know that I’m doing fine. She wants to hear my voice. She loves me. She’s my mom.</p>
<p>Thanks Marian, Turbo93 and Cromette. S discussed his course selection with us; he is all set right now.
S is very shy. He doesn’t like phone calls, and texting is not my favorite (I don’t like the small keyboard). So we connect though email and skype. If I feel something important/urgent, I’ll email him, I know he checks email frequently because he also receives tons of emails from college everyday. If I just want to chat, I’ll leave messages on skype, he can go there anytime to look at it, or write something he wants. From the icons of email and skype, I know he has read my messages, he is alive.
I try to keep distance from him, give him more room to be independent as he requested. He is ok for this connection so far, and he knows he is more welcome to call home anytime.
Parents can subscribe the “weather alert, police alert/record” emails from college website. It gives you peace of mind if no big things happened over there.</p>
<p>We have had a new puppy since summer and S, who is a sophomore now, is very fond of her (we all are). We talk on the phone about once a week but he never asked about the puppy or requested pictures. When I mentioned about the puppy he was quiet on his end. I am sure he misses her. I wanted to text him pictures of the puppy but wondered if sending pictures will make him homesick???</p>
<p>I actually communicate with my DS more while he is at college than when he was in high school. Generally I will text him every other day to see how he is doing. He calls me in between classes every few days.</p>
<p>I am so proud of how well he is doing and the decisions he is making. </p>
<p>Hope it will be the same with my DD next year when she leaves. We have a great relationship now, biy she tends to not text me as much.</p>
<p>Cromette-I was the same way with my mom when she was alive. We talked daily and had the phone bills to prove it…</p>
<p>Mine did. He chose everything but shared with me what he chose. I pointed out that one class he has might be a repeat of a dual enrollment CC class he took in high school so he’s pursuing that with the registrar.</p>
<p>Most undergrads at my undergrad…including myself didn’t. Then again, my college’s major/minor and distribution requirements were so easy to figure out that you’d almost have to work at it to screw it up. </p>
<p>Moreover, my parents wouldn’t have been of much help considering they never attended undergrad here and came from a country which had a more European/Continental undergrad system.* </p>
<p>If I’d follow undergrad advice from such folks, I’d have taken far too many courses in my major and fulfilled none of the core/distribution requirements. </p>
<ul>
<li>Such undergrad systems are closer to US Masters programs regarding focus of course requirements.</li>
</ul>
<p>As I mentioned on the other thread, my s’s are different. Older s kept in closer contact during college. Younger s is one who tended not to answer his phone or listen to voicemails (that now improved). He prefers texting and I can sometimes catch him on facebook and “chat” there. If we called we didnt ususally leave a VM (since he didnt listen to it anyway) but he’d see a missed call from us and usually get back to us in a reasonable timeframe.</p>
<p>You will hopefully find a pattern that works well for you.</p>