<p>My son has never cared terribly much about school. His GPA has hovered around from 3.2-3.4 and he’s only taken a handful of honors classes. His SAT scores are 2200+. My HS grades were far better than his and I got into some very selective colleges. But you know what? I think he has enjoyed his HS years more than I did in many ways. And he seems completely uninterested in the types of schools I applied to. His #1 choice right now is a big state school (not even a flagship) in a nearby state. He will most definitely get in there. He will likely need merit money for us to afford it but I think that’s a possibility for him.</p>
<p>I do worry some about his study habits and such not being good enough for college. But lots of kids who do really really well in HS end up crashing and burning in college. My son is very smart and has a way of doing enough to get by–and he’s good at figuring out what that is. I worried some about sending him to the HS he attends. It is a magnet school and they have to maintain a certain GPA to stay, and many of the classes are more demanding. Turns out he’s never been in the slightest danger of losing his spot. He loves the school and is doing what he has to do to stay there. I just have to hope that if he gets a college scholarship and has to maintain a certain GPA to keep it, he will respond in similar fashion–and as he progresses in his studies, he will hopefully find something he is truly interested in and passionate about.</p>
<p>As for me, I worked really hard in HS, got into selective colleges that gave great financial aid (my parents’ EFC was very low), and had a great time in college. But I will say that in a lot of ways I did not work as hard in college as I had in HS. My grades were fine, but not as good as they had been in HS, and they could have been better. In HS I was very focused on doing well so that I could have that kind of college experience. Once I had the college experience, I enjoyed it but I didn’t feel any need to work as hard for A’s. So really, I spent my college years in much the same way as my son has spent his HS years, and with a similar GPA to show for it. And I don’t really have any regrets, so I try not to assume that he will. I have to remind myself of that from time to time, I confess.</p>
<p>I have read each of these messages at least two times and I see truth in everyone of them. Yes, I am stressed beyond belief, yes she knows it and yes, it is damaging our relationship. Yes, I did put the internet router on a timer last year, after finding she moved to an unsecured neighbor’s connection, only to give up after the ensuing arguments at 12 a.m… when she claimed she needed it to do homework. </p>
<p>Yes, we did take her to big state u after she said she wanted a small lac, and she decided it was good enough. </p>
<p>Her dad and I are involved in local charity organizations (although limited, we both work full time) and it angers me that she won’t participate with us.</p>
<p>I misstated her sats: c+r is 1330 and she got 800 on the writing. her jr. year gpa was 3.3ish</p>
<p>I am the first in my family to go to college (little state ((party)) U), so I know first hand you can thrive and be successful at any college, if you want.</p>
<p>The problem is that I feel her lack of maturity will keep her from reaching her potential. We had hoped and planned for more for her. I see kids posting on her with significant hurdles and wanting more and here’s my kid watching youtube videos.</p>
<p>I do feel that it is time to let it go and let the chips fall where they may at this point.</p>
<p>Please, please, please don’t take kids’ stories on here as gold or typical. CC attracts a very rare type of student.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with watching YouTube videos. It’s normal, it’s fun. She’s obviously still doing very well in comparison to the average student.</p>
<p>snoopymom, I have learned to read CC with my filter on. You are definitely better off looking at common data sets for each school for admissions data than here. Plus, after all, these are high school students and I think sometimes there’s a lot of wishful thinking involved in their posts.</p>
<p>My daughter had an awful junior year for a lot of reasons. It is what it is; I just made sure we have some safeties that she could bear to attend. And I found them.</p>
<p>I have read many, many times that high school students become much more focused as they hit senior year and I have seen that with my kid. Suddenly she knows what an extra couple of points on the ACT mean to her admissions possibilities. And her peer group is also much more focused as this summer draws to a close. I also know that the year between age 17 and 18, this year coming up, she will mature. Enough? Who knows? But don’t give up on your kid, please.</p>
<p>Please don’t be disappointed that your daughter isn’t realizing YOUR dream for her. She may very well thrive, as many do, at the large state university. She will certainly have many options for both studies, and friendships…and things to do.</p>
<p>I would agree…this is not a battle worth waging…or even mulling over much more.</p>
<p>PLUS a lot could change between now and November when applications are due…she might just want to apply to multiple schools.</p>
<p>If not…you know…the large state u will be fine.</p>
<p>Our neighbor really wanted their kid to apply to multiple schools. Our state U had rolling admissions and she applied there first. That acceptance came in, and she never looked back…and her parents agree, she is thriving at this school.</p>
<p>Remember, it’s your daughter who is going to college…not you.</p>
<p>Our son was similar in HS. Did very well…3.9 GPA and 31 ACT, but also gamed alot!!
He always knew how much he needed to study etc. Occasionally he would be getting a B in a class, and we told him he needed to bring the grade up to an A. We only did this because we saw how little he studied, he retains knowledge rather quickly.</p>
<p>My point is sometimes you have to step away. My biggest concern was that our S would not do as well in college because we weren’t managing him, but he did very well his first year, and continued to game alot!</p>
<p>Having read most of the previous posts and reflecting on my own experience with my kids, the best advice I can offer is to stay hands on with her in school. Encourage her to keep her from slipping lower. If that means a B-, that’s ok. Just stop the downward trend. She should retake the SAT one more time. </p>
<p>Distance yourself emotionally. I got got caught up in the parents’ world of keeping up with the joneses. Imagine how I felt when my D was being recruited for an ivy league sport chose a small southern state school that no one here had ever heard of. It was my problem, not my kid’s.</p>
<p>Remember, your looking at things fr the perspective of an adult. Your D is still growing emotionally and may be nervous about the future. Some will subconsciously sabotage their chances for good grades and higher test scores.</p>
<p>I am very involved in the community and my kids weren’t. But the things they did do were meaningful to them. That’s what true volunteerism is. </p>
<p>Give your D a hug and let her know that you are there to help her navigate the demands of colllege preps and apps so that she can truly enjoy her senior year. And really mean it…</p>
<p>There is nothing to say that your daughter HAS to go to college next year- it’s not an entitlement, you know. If she isn’t going to apply herself while in high school, she may not do anything meaningful when she is away on her own. Talk to her and evaluate things later in the fall and make decisions then- taking a gap year and getting a job may be a better option than wasting $$ on a freshman year that’s spent partying late and sleeping in.</p>
<p>There are still a lot of LAC’s that she would have a chance of good merit aid at. I bet she would get 10k+ at schools like University of Redlands, just off the top of my head. (A relative from a good prep school is going there). Are you familiar with the Colleges that Change Lives book? Buy it for her to leaf through. There is a website too.</p>
<p>Still it is a shame she isn’t making a last push to take those AP’s and the language or she could expand her possibilities.</p>
<p>I keep try to movitive my D to try any interesting thing, she is not follow my direction. She spend lot of time watch TV serials. I do not know how to stop it. SHe will tell me, taking a break. Everytime I stop by she is watch TV. She did not spend time to prepare SAT test. Eventhough She did good first time without prepare. I am very fustrated. She will do home work last, and till 1 or 2 AM, then sleepy at school, this is back cycle. Need help!!!</p>
<p>snoopymom1 - Please don’t be resentful and please (though you didn’t say it) don’t give up on her either. Make sure she knows that you are still proud of her because it did take some effort to achieve the grades she produced. It is very tough watching kids not fulfill 100% of their potential. </p>
<p>Take a different, more supporting role with her. Rather than trying to drive her toward success (which I can have a tendency to do), try supporting her toward success. This means changing how you communicate, react, and coach your child. </p>
<p>We (parents) are always learning through this process; they didn’t give us the manual to raise perfect children. My oldest is going to be a freshman in college this year and I know she didn’t fulfill 100% of her high school potential but she still managed to receive a tuition waiver to a good instate school and she is happy. How could I not be happy for her even though I know she could have had more. And my youngest is a sophomore in high school and is terribly smart (1,900 on SAT as a 7th grader and currently ranked #1 in her high school class) and it’s rough watching her study habits and approach toward school. I’m trying my best not to screw her up. Her goals can be my goals but my goals can’t be her goals … I keep telling myself that. :)</p>
<p>Good luck and be proud of your daughter, snoopymom1.</p>
<p>Oh boy, reading these posts brings me back a few years and I feel that frustration! So glad to have high school over with.</p>
<p>They do mature an find goals of their own. I was thinking of this thread as I watched my D studying for the GRE last night. She is so organized and driven now, four years after she was in that same boat as the OP’s daughter. I talk to her about grad programs and think that I am telling her information she doesn’t know. Turns out that she already did the research and has all of her ducks in a row. She’s a different person than she was when we were going through the undergrad application process. </p>
<p>Don’t give up on her. That natural intelligence of hers will prevail.</p>
<p>@snoopymom1 - I feel your pain since my #2 was a lot like your daughter. All sorts of potential but underachieving. I think you have to go with the old adage “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink” on this one. Until she takes ownership of her future she’s never going to achieve anything. But that doesn’t mean you should give up and let her fail either.</p>
<p>Its definitely time to take her on some campus tours so this becomes something more than an abstract concept for her. Try your best to take some of the emotion out of the situation and let the reality of college visits work their magic. Include the pre-tour talks too since they will include admission stats so she can hear it from someone other than you. She could fall in love with a school at which point it becomes much easier to connect the dots between grades and her future.</p>
<p>I went and reread post #13 and I second the recommendation to go reread that one. Great words of wisdom there.</p>
<p>TV is a huge distraction. We like to talk about current events / academic topics / college / EC stuff with the kids with tablets and laptops at hand to quickly look up info as we chat. It seems to keep them focused on the more important topics and helps them avoid the vapid material on TV.</p>
<p>Wait, so you are saying culverdad that in your house its ok to be using electronic devices while you are having a conversation, but it * isnt* ok to use a television for entertainment/information? </p>
<p>snooopymom: I feel for you and have BTDT. It is easy to say get rid of the TV or unplug the internet, but in my experience a kid that wants to procrastinate or stay up late will do so, even if they are no electronics to distract them. </p>
<p>At this point in her high school career, all you can do is lay out her options. One of my kids really wanted certain schools but knew he had to get some merit aid (he applied to schools at which this should have been possible). He chose not to up his effort and ended up at Big State U, which was disappointing to him when he saw other kids get into schools he wanted to go to, but he accepted it. He did get merit money from a couple of smaller LACs but decided they were too small and isolated. He is now happy with his choice, but he is still struggling with grades etc (not due to partying but to lack of organization and willingness to seek out help).</p>
<p>I was very frustrated and even angry. But as others have said at some point you have to “Love the kid on the couch” and accept them for who they are and the choices they are making. Don’t give up, however. Her grades and scores may let her go to a LAC with merit money - just may be one lower in the rankings.</p>
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