Am the only one who has thoughts/fears about their kid might not be good enough. This all started today when I met our son and he spoke about how next year when he is at the Global Jazz Institute it is going to be competitive about who gets to travel where. The program is small but not everyone gets to travel to all the best places. Then he told me he did not get in to the two summer festivals he applied to. And suddenly I worry that maybe he is not talented enough. Which is crazy since he is graduating from a top conservatory. His senior recital was great and somebody described it as, “An event” and he seems to be respected by his peers. The thing is I don’t have a musical gene in my body and I have no way of telling if maybe our son is just coasting by on his charm and personality. And maybe I am just worrying because that is what I do…I know this kid is smart and creative and has great social skills. How his career shapes up will probably be about more than just his ability to be a skilled musician. But I am curious if other musical parents have this same fear.
My spouse and I just had a conversation in this realm. Ours was when you see all the talent already in the post-academic world pipeline, what were we thinking back in the day as we encouraged this path! Thankfully, I hear music kids are outstanding employees in many professions!
My son learned early on not to be daunted by rejection. If you apply for highly competitive programs, festivals, etc., you’re going to get a lot of rejections. I’m not sure what is the right definition of “good enough”, but I think I’d probably define it as good enough to love playing and to get hired for paying gigs (which includes teaching gigs as well as performing gigs) in sufficient quantities to be self-supporting.
I would guess just about every music parent worries about whether their child is good enough to make a career in music, but at some point you have to let your child figure it out for himself or herself. For my son, rejections just make him want to work harder. Of course, if you experience nothing but rejections, then maybe it’s time to think about doing something else. But if you’re getting some acceptances too, that can be enough to keep you going. If your son is reasonably in demand for gigs, has a passion for the music, and is getting at least some external validation (graduating from NEC and getting into the Global Jazz Institute is certainly some good external validation), then I think you need to let him go for it and see where it takes him. There are no guarantees in life, but if you can make a living doing something you love doing, I’d say that’s a pretty good life
Parents are always panicky about these things and often overestimate or underestimate their kids. It’s not only limited to music parents, it’s an instinct.
Thanks everyone. I know it is instinct. I worry about my other son who is a grad student and wants to be an academic. I think the challenge is with my other son, although I myself am not a mathematician I know and understand the challenges he faces. But with music I feel so clueless. I don’t have an ear to distinguish a top music performance from one that is just good enough. To me it all sounds just like music.
You definitely aren’t alone, although I’m a lot earlier in the process than you are, so it is probably apples to oranges. I have to say, though, I know just enough about jazz rhythm sections to know your S has GOT to be able to play if he’s graduating from NEC and attending the Global Jazz Institute next year. 
Charm and personality are great assets, but I don’t think a bassist, who has to be bedrock solid, is going to be able to coast on them at those levels!
P.S. I’ve tried to send you a couple of PM’s over the past few weeks but they keep getting eaten by the internets somehow and not posting. Nothing really important or needing a reply, but I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you!
@StacJip
“I have no way of telling if maybe our son is just coasting by on his charm and personality”
This made me LOL. Highly doubtful!!
StacJip, this must be a natural feeling at graduation. I know I had it.
Some solve it temporarily by going to a funded grad school 
Honestly, I think we all know that our kids might not end up with careers in music, but how would we feel (or more importantly they feel) if they had not gone for it. The four years doing what they love is invaluable, regardless of outcome. And there are so many ways to do music in life, as the only focus, main focus, or as a “passionate” pursuit outside of work.
That said, the latter paragraph is probably irrelevant for your son. It would seem he has a bright future as a career musician. Talented and good to work with. Noone can coast on personality, no, but it sure does help, along with the talent. You have a right to be proud of who he is as well as how he plays
Congratulations on his graduation from such a wonderful school and for his plans for next year too.
And also thank you for all your wise contributions on this forum in the last several years. Hope you are staying around!
Oh yea! I was feeling it last year before graduation particularly as other parents were talking about the real jobs their kids were getting. I even let myself think “Wow what would it be like to know your kid had a job and would be financially independent?” It was a giddy feeling.
But then we kicked the can down the road when she accepted an MM program. And the worry phase passed. But I do find myself less concerned as she has a good part time job now that could expand and support her. It’s funny how all the sudden I can see her as an adult. It took until 23 but I now think she’ll figure something out and support herself.
StacJip, I have the feeling this will be a never-ending process with our musician children–the worry after undergraduate years leads to the same type of worries after the graduate school years…and I think will continue beyond that as in, what next? Every audition, every possible opportunity, musicians sometimes seem to be in an endless journey unless they get lucky enough to land a secure orchestra job or something like that. For us this time around is, what now after the M.M.?–so many choices, so many decisions, and what if he makes the wrong one? Or the not the one we think is the wisest choice? What if that secure orchestra job never comes along? What then? I guess we just have to accept that the ‘parental panic’ and worry cycle is just part of the job–smiling proudly with their successes and being the strong shoulder there for them when they fail.
I think worrying about kids is independent of their chosen area of study. The most one can hope is that they are relatively happy and independent, but many don’t achieve that, even with more traditionally lucrative majors from great universities. I’d bet he knows whether he is competitive or not, and it’s good that he isn’t ruffled by a little rejection. Can’t tell you how many jobs I was rejected for in my life, but as long as you eventually get one…
You’re right, songbirdmama, I can’t say that I worry less about my other non-musician child. Take away the music references in my post and it becomes just all about being a parent. And…I always joke that I could wallpaper one of my bedrooms with all my rejection letters. It’s all part of the journey I guess.
H and I both have our degrees in the arts. We both worked and supported our little family.(in and out of the arts) We have plenty of friends who work in music, film, and the visual arts. So we have always known that it can be done. No worries there. And we know that success in the arts is not just about talent or a winning personality but it’s also about a serious work ethic, organization, luck, and just being the one to show up on time and ready. So no worries there either. That being said-,(as mentioned above)ALL parents worry about their kids. It’s part of the job description. My worries have tended to be in the area of her having steady personal relationships. D’s fiance is in music as well. So far so good, but I worry about them finding and keeping their work lives in the same city. And again—this is not just the sort of worry that is the sole provenance of music parents…