<p>Exact thing happened to my friend. Her parents would only pay for a SUNY, and she got into several private schools she would have preferred. The only comment I had was that they should not have let her apply to the private schools, knowing both their financial situation (ability to pay and not get aid) and their desire to “get away cheap”.</p>
<p>Both me and my spouse went to the same Ivy. My son has already gone to a sports recruiting camp there, and loves the facilities. We don’t know if his grades will be enough, but we figure, if he aims high, he’ll get into a decent school.</p>
<p>Money isn’t an object, if I had to, I’d go work at the school as a secretary and get him free tuition after a year of employment.</p>
<p>If there were large enough scholarships available at the more expensive schools, it would have been find to let her apply there, but with making it clear that she needed to get the scholarships (not just admission) to be able to attend.</p>
<p>But this thread is mainly about parental restrictions other than overall cost limitations.</p>
<p>thanks for all the imput! This is really helpful. It seems the consensus is that as long as it is financially affordable the parent is willing to let the child choose. This seems reasonable.</p>
<p>Another aspect that may come into play is the fact that some parents have a preference towards the college they went to as a student. Or the parents still do not like schools because they were school rivals and such. For example, USC and UCLA are both sports schools and some parents that like or went to UCLA might be against their child going to USC. Do you think this is a bit extreme?</p>
<p>Be prepared for a potential lifetime of resentment on the part of your child if the reason is anything but financial or health reasons. My spouse had a great experience at her school, but resents her parents not permitting her to leave her home state to accept a full scholarship to her first choice school. Despite a successful career, this control issue is a sore point that she will take to her grave. She was adamant we let our children make their own decisions, and they have. The decision that is right for your child is rarely the decision you would make for yourself. Your child is a unique individual, free to thrive, free to make mistakes. I have yet to have an “I told you so” moment letting my children make their own decisions. That doesn’t mean they don’t get my opinion, and I have learned I don’t know everything, as my wife is happy to remind me. My children have wildly exceeded my expectations, which are very, very high.</p>
<p>I went to college long ago. I was accepted at GWU, Syracuse, and PSU Univ Park. I also wanted to apply to UCLA. I had seen the campus during a vacation and fell in love with the school and California in general. Back then, UCLA was affordable even for OOS. But my mother wouldn’t let me apply - “if you go to school there, you’ll end up living there. It’s too far away.”</p>
<p>Umm, yeah … Living in California was the idea.</p>
<p>My daughter is now 15. Unfortunately, college admissions are a lot tougher and more expensive these days, and her options will be greatly limited by those factors. But I would never stop her from going to a college solely because it was far away. It’s a wonderful opportunity to be able to go somewhere new as you begin your journey toward independence. I mentioned this recently to my mom. She thought I was crazy to even consider letting D15 to go far away. I think I’d be crazy to deprive her of that experience, if she found an affordable option.</p>
<p>I wasn’t even given financial parameters (our situation guaranteed aid almost anywhere, and I already had scholarships) and was very glad for it. And I think finances should be the only parameters parents give. You can encourage your child to apply to the best schools they have a chance at, and you can help them do research. But ultimately it’s the next 4 years of their lives and ultimately their entire futures at stake. Limiting colleges a child can look at for non-financial reasons is not treating them like a mature adult. </p>
<p>Pressuring them to go to your alma mater or forcing them to stay close to home (again, if the reason isn’t financial or medical) are examples of things that are, quite simply, bad.</p>
Rhandco, not sure where you’re getting your information. The people I know who work for colleges had to work there a minimum of 5 years to get that tuition benefit for their kids. (I know Boston College requires 5 years).</p>
<p>I was talking to a parent the other day who said they refuse to let their child visit any college and wants them to make their decision based on facts about the college and not feelings and impressions they get from a campus tour. To me that would be like buying a house after only looking at pictures on the internet. It was a very odd conversation.</p>
<p>It used to be common to see the campus the first time with suitcase in hand after enrolling, especially if the person was going cross country. In a way, I can see this strategy preventing a single bad overnight swaying someone from what would be a good choice for all the objective reasons. To this day I regret sending my DS for an overnight at our state school. The party atmosphere soured him on a great financial fit and a place that had so much of what he likes academically. but without a few great visits to his current campus there is no way he would have picked his school “on paper”.</p>
<p>jimmidawg–not sure, didn’t talk to the child but I got the impression the child wasn’t allowed to “feel” anyway about the situation and that the child would have very little say in where she was going to college.</p>
So do you not think the environment of a college should be considered at all? Students should only go to the best academic fit with no regard as to whether or not they’d be happy there?</p>
<p>jimmidawg–no, neither, just somewhat ignorant about the college process and more focused on the bottom dollar than what is right for their child–not that I feel you have to spend $50K/year on college, but this child had the stats to get some good merit aid places. Again, just weird that they would allow visits at all.</p>
<p>@MizzBee. Perhaps the social part of your state school would not have been a great fit for your S which was evident during the overnite. Socially, one has to feel comfortable since that is how the kids reduce their stress. I have heard of others who did overnites and while they didn’t dislike the kids, it was apparent to the student that they would not bond with others who were going there.</p>