My mom played that game with the Lasix, too. Toileting her was a 45 minute job, so on days she took Lasix, my dad couldn’t do much of anything else except tend to that. (multiply by ten years of being totally bedridden)
She definitely needs someone taking over her meds. She’s essentially practicing medicine without a license. She was told today she is on the verge of blowing it to get into that place. She was shocked. She will be dressed and put on her A game when they come by. No complaining, and saying how much help she needs - she needs to talk about what she CAN do, not just that she WANTS to be waited on hand and foot. She was informed all 4 of her children agree this is the best place for her, and everyone understands getting older stinks. But it must be looked at as an opportunity - for more help, for more social interaction, for the peace of mind that she will be cared for very well for the rest of her life. My sis said - if it was me - I wouldn’t want to sit alone here all day, I’d want to be over there in the dining room, with people who remember the same things, hanging out in the lobby talking about the news, having people around whenever necessary. And…now is the time, if there is a better plan - speak now. And they talked through how no one was in the position to take her in, we all work and she requires around the clock attention. So, hopefully, she’ll pull it together for this next assessment.
good luck eyemamom
Keeping a good thought, eyeamom. It can take a lot out of you…
Good luck eyeamom. Sounds like siblings are at least coordinating well now which is a help.
mansfield, hope the house empty turns into an opportunity for a better sale. It is really discouraging when something doesn’t sell. I’ve had Mom’s office building up for sale since October due to it not being rented and nary a bite. I just lowered the price 10% because she can’t afford an empty building.
And I thought I understood and didn’t let it get to me that she forgot my birthday Tuesday, but today it made me cry. She can’t help it. I am heading up the road (400 miles) to take her to the Dr. I think she was falling into depression over the holidays and need to let the Dr. know.
Hugs to you Esobay and a belated happy birthday to you. Here on CC we’re all throwing you a nice little party with magic calorie-free food and cake. Last year was my first birthday without my dad. Every year since I was 14 he always sent me flowers. He’d also call first thing in the morning and belt out the birthday song in his off key voice. More than the flowers, I missed not hearing his singing. Once again, the new normal.
Happy birthday eso. It was hard for me when my parents forgot my birthday even though I “knew” it was going to happen.
I missed my dad the most when his own birthday rolled around. It really knocked me for a loop.
Happy birthday, eso. I’m at the party too.
My mom forgot all of her kids’ and grandkids’ birthdays in 2014. One more bump on the road.
Get the loss of a birthday not remembered, eso and send good wishes.
It has been at least 10 years since my father remembered my birthday; how lucky I am that he remembers who I am, given that he has had conspicuous memory loss for 20 years.
All these diminished capabilities have a way of making you grateful for the smallest things that are going right.
Happy Birthday, Eso!
Thanks everyone. I am not very sensitive usually. The odd thing was that it didn’t bother me on the actual day, but today it mad me sad. Grandma got to the point of not knowing who people were, but then she lost her ability to talk at all so we all pretended she knew us. I guess I had a thought that that was coming for Mom. And I’ve been sorting out photos that my sister collected and missing her, too. Seeing her writing on the back of pictures and looking at the scrapbook she made of our ancient ancestors made me want to talk to her. Been a long time gone now, still missed.
I get the birthday for your dad being a gulp day, too.
Tak, I just realized Mom will be 85 this year and I should organize something for her… Oh well, after I do some other stuff I will think about that!
whoa whoa whoa! Happy birthday eso!
Another change in plans. The director of the AL contacted the aide agency, the doctor, the various assessments, and he decided that today we’ll have a conference call today instead. So me and sis and him and his nursing director. Hopefully today we will put this to rest one way or another. What he’s having a hard time understanding is that everything the aides do, this place does for her…they clean up her place, change her sheets, do her laundry, do a little meal prep. I don’t see how that’s a 24/7 thing. My sis even said - there isn’t that much to do for her and while it’s nice they’re companions, $20/hr to watch Kelly and Michael in the morning is a bit much.
I was up at 4am trying to think through what we need to ask, which really depends on what they say.
Jeez, eyemamom, whiplash much?
Take a big breath! We all want “the best” for our family, but consider this to be like college entrance exams and assume she will wind up in a good place for her. I know it doesn’t feel like it, in the middle of the process, but I think it will work out. Hope so anyway.
And if it is awful, she can “transfer” right?
There were many times I wished for a local CC board for elder care, there are so many things to sort out. Just like college feels the choices impact THE REST OF HER LIFE. And that is why we panic and try so hard. Now that I’ve been through the mill and seen this thread and lots of other reading, I feel like if your parent has you in their corner, despite how they argue, it will be OK. Maybe not perfect, but OK.
hugs, eyemamom, it will be OK.
I had a long talk with Mom’s AL director yesterday re cost increase. They are revising their point system for allocating levels of care. “Probably” Mom’s won’t go up $300 a month, but only if we move her down in level of care. We are paying for a couple of “points” that Mom only partly needs … like care when showering. No she doesn’t need help IN the shower she needs help being TOLD to shower and watched so she doesn’t go more than two weeks without one… they don’t have a point for that kind of nuance. And the LTC only will pay if she is up in Level 3. And the LTC understands the levels of care, that seems to be defined everywhere. I don’t know about the point system. I am guessing they are revamping so they can A)raise prices and B) sort out the Memory Care people better. They are opening the memory care unit this spring.
All the best, eyeamom. It is hard to anticipate what they will be proposing and I hope whatever it is makes sense. I if you can understand their concerns, then at least family knowledge of how your mother does day to day can be reconciled with what the facility is both offering and considering as possible trouble spots. You and sister may be very clear about everything at the end of the call or you may want to circle back with them later after conferring with each other. Having done work conference calls with my partner in a different location, we found it helpful to be able to text each other briefly behind the scenes if we needed to be sure we had consensus.
I hope it is a productive meeting. Limbo is tough and yet you can get a lot out of seeing how an AL handles this.
All the best!
Okay, phew…hallelujah it’s all worked out! After talking to her aide agency - and thank goodness we hired through the organization they also used, they agreed the 4 hr a day, 6 day a week situation she has now will stand. We have to agree once she’s with them, they have the power to decide, not the family. They were absolutely loving and wonderful on the phone. They went through all they have available, right in the building - everything from a nurse 24 hours on call, a dr has office hours there 2 times a week, she can see the podiatrist right there every 62 days for nail trims in needed and they have a dentist and vision care. They are asking she wear their pendant as they view her as a fall risk. For $100/mo they’ll figure out and dispense her meds in containers that she’ll take herself. If she needs bloodwork they come right up to her apartment. We mentioned her mounting anxiety as this has been pushed back and I mentioned a conversation she and I had about how difficult it is to face the end of your life and knowing this is the last move. They have a chaplain, a social worker, a psychologist and psychiatrist on staff and on call. The chaplain will come see her on her first week and a note is made to offer other assistance. She even just calls maintenance if she needs anything like a light bulb changed or anything else.
This will be wonderful for her, and as much as she’s been resisting, once she’s there I know she will make use of all the services and hopefully come to enjoy being there. She’ll be way less lonely, way more people around to help.
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Move happens in 10 days.
Great news, eyemamom!
fantastic eyemamom! HIGH FIVE … and have a good night’s rest.
Hurrah! Glad you are relieved and the staff was helpful, eyeamom.
Great eyemamom! Certainly progress.