Agree on the need for a team of family members. We have been alternating monitoring situation at rehab, visiting potential assisted living facilities, packing up her existing independent living apartment, selling and donating excess furniture, lining up movers, etc. No way one person could do all of this.
eyeamom, glad to hear the situation is resolved for now, in a good way.
Once when I was with Dad at ER, they ended up also treating me for stress-induced gastritis. The stress, of course, was brought on by Dad’s frequent medical emergencies.
eyemamom, glad your mom is safely ensconced at her new facility and that the sibs worked together. These stories make me doubly thankful that DH, S1 & S2 worked out a schedule where one of them was always at the hospital with me for the two weeks I was in ICU and made at least daily appearances at the rehab facility.
My dad has already said he refuses to move out of the house into AL or any place else. Is expecting all of us to drop our lives and take care of him. (He doesn’t have $ for $5k/mo facility fees). He also says no heroic measures, so we’ll see how it all shakes out. Right now things are fairly good.
My mom called my sister this morning to tell her she wasn’t in her apartment, when she told her she was at the rehab she gave her a list of things to go and get. She didn’t remember or didn’t care sis was in the hospital herself last night with exhaustion, stress and dehydration. I told her she didn’t need to jump to it, mom was fine in the pajamas she had on for today. I don’t think sis will do it - she actually wanted my other sis to come from 8 hours away to finish putting mom’s clothes away - lol When mom went in the hospital her dresser drawer clothes were still in laundry baskets and didn’t get put away.
Glad your mother is in the rehab and out of that hospital, eyemamom. Hope your sister recovers and cuts herself some slack. As an only child, I’ve avoided the sibling squabbles over what to do with a parent or who takes care of what, but, OTOH, everything has fallen on me. I know how exhausting and stressful this process can be. You have to take care of yourself.
Not to defend any of the care experiences, but in any health care setting oversight by family members is necessary for better assurance of better care. I would not have someone in the hospital w/o family (and hopefully medically knowledgeable family members). I had two major surgeries in 2013; both required overnight - however as a RN I ‘knew the drill’, I was in a very good facility (with a lot of short term stays, so nursing staff really had to stay on top of seeing the patients and charting), and am a very good healer and was up and about as soon as I was able, with assistance and then when stable, w/o assistance.
Visited a friend on oncology unit last night. He was right next to nursing station (often a sign of being very critical). He may have chased his family out, but I was shocked that no family was there. He is being discharged to hospice perhaps today. I know the wind is out of his sails as his mom and sisters have traveled a great distance to be here, and his weakness has him realizing the end is coming in a very short time.
I too envy the team of siblings! Especially since it’s just me to care for both my parents.
eyemamom - is this the same sister who had the flu? No wonder she is exhausted, I suspect she hasn’t fully recovered.
No, a different sister had the flu. I think the sis in town just needs to blow steam and needs a break. However, there really is no good solution as we live so far away. She has essentially been voluntold for a job she didn’t want.
When my mom was in the hospital over New Year’s and beyond, we were there around 18 hours/day. Someone spent the night a couple of times, but we managed ok with staying late until mom went to sleep and coming in early, around the time she woke up.
Honestly, the hospital was understaffed with RNs and the CNAs were a mixed bag. One RN/IV nurse told my mom she was “flu free” and didn’t have to be in isolation. A CNA put on a not-ordered heart monitor. Meals were messed up, she was told she couldn’t have regular tea, some tried to do BP on the arm with lymphedema, getting toileting done was next to impossible. No longer will I consider having anyone in the hospital w/o family coverage.
We were all exhausted by the end of her stay and just now feeling 100%.
If everyone lives far, far away, you can pay $$$$$ for private duty nurses.
@zeebamom I totally understand your situation. When someone is taking vital signs in the middle of the night and then using the lymphodema arm - YIKES! Hospital staffing is a reality and a challenge even with superior nursing personnel. Assigned more patients and more critical patients.
People often don’t know about having family there or arranging a paid for private sitter. I know of a tragic situation, resulting in patient’s death, that would have been avoided - he sent wife home; had she known to arrange for a sitter (and insist on it with him). He had pneumonia, and due to oral cancer had compromised situation; medical emergency not addressed soon enough during the night; was in a coma and then died.
I had my meals messed up when I had my first child (I delivered Sunday night at 10:15 pm and threw up that morning so literally had nothing to eat; the unit had very little food so I maybe had a little applesauce and toast). The Monday morning tray didn’t have enough on it. I filled out a menu but still just got a lunch tray that wasn’t what I ordered and also wasn’t sufficient. My skin was pasty icky and I felt like poop. I don’t even think the second day I got the food I ordered (and my discharge was before 10 pm on the second day). With my second child, I had a scheduled induction first thing in the morning. I ordered food when I got to the unit - it didn’t come so I ordered again; then ordered a 3rd time. A kitchen staff brought a tray to me (with fried chicken) right about the same time I got one of the earlier trays (about 2:30 pm also with fried chicken) - and I ate every bit of the food on both trays. Then my dinner was what I had ordered. So that was good.
With my first child, one of the room lights didn’t work, so during the night they would throw on the big overhead light every two hours. Did complain and had that light fixed for the second night. Also there was a hospital pager speaker right outside my door and they would page for a doctor (for another unit) and that shouldn’t have been blaring on the OB/GYN unit. With the second child, all that was improved. Didn’t have pasty/icky skin because I didn’t go through the ordeal I did with the first, had food, no blaring lights at night, no speaker stuff waking me up at night. I actually worked on some of the first child’s baby book during that second baby stay.
Hang in everyone with your situations. Hugs.
I had my babies during the time when they had the no more than 24 hour recovery time in hospitals. I gave birth to my son at 6pm and was released at noon the next day. We hadn’t even figured out how to latch and that was the lactation nurses day off so I just went home with breastfeeding not working out for us. With my daughter she was born with a heart murmur, they just told me to schedule an appointment for the next day with a cardiologist after I was released. I think soon after that it changed again.
The hospital did call about my mom’s stay. My sister said, I’d never expect a hospital to run like this outside a third world country. I can only imagine you must be close to bankruptcy and shutting down. And she told them my mom needed more time in the hospital, but with the coming storm we didn’t think she’d be safe there without one of us. So apparently it’s getting bumped up to the president and we were asked to give statements.
Glad you’re getting some attention for that astonishing and repeated lack of care.
^^ That’s been my experience too, SOS. To protect their bottom line, hospitals severely understaff, everything from RNs right on down to janitors. So every employee has too much to do, too many patients, and mistakes get made. It’s terrifying.
Yes there was a time where HMO’s were only allowing 24 hours for ‘healthy baby delivery’ - my PPO allowed only 48 hours and there was a national controversy (1994) when they were pushing for 24 hours. First deliveries are often more traumatic in many ways. I felt fortunate both DDs were totally healthy, and good weights too - both were 7 lb 12 oz.
However hospitals are not necessarily ‘healthy’ places to be, as commented by others.
The best on getting as great a care out of medical providers as possible.
We just found out that m-i-l must leave rehab tomorrow - I guess Medicare won’t pay beyond that. We just signed paperwork for assisted living yesterday - and thought we would have a few days to move furniture and set up the new place before moving her in. Now we are looking at relocating her to b-i-l’s house for 2-3 days, with a nurse, until she can move into assisted living. I think all of the moving is contributing to her confusion - from condo in FL - to independent living in FL - to hospital (2 rooms) - to rehab (2 rooms) - to their house - and then to assisted living - all in the span of 4 months! Makes my head spin.
Do you think we need to sew or iron name tags in her clothes and on her bedding and towels? They do her laundry at the assisted living - I don’t see any mention of this - but wonder if it would be advisable.
^ I believe you have the right to appeal that release, and they have to respond with 48 hours ( I think) that may buy you a couple days, especially if your MIL’s health is in danger.
http://www.eldercareteam.com/public/475.cfm
How to appeal a medicare early release from rehab
I believe b-i-l was notified yesterday - so I guess that was 2 days notice. I don’t think her health is in danger - it’s just really inconvenient. But thank you for this info - I am sending to b-i-l to see if he wants to appeal.
rockvillemom, ask the skilled nursing if she can stay on for a few days as a private pay. It’ll cost (about $275/day at my parents’ SNF), but that might be money well spent to save her more upheaval.