@surfcity, my mom does the same thing. I think part of the dementia is that she doesn’t have anything to talk about so is fixated on her knee replacement. She did the same thing with an insect bite, scratched at it LONG after the bite was gone until she finally dropped it. Now she complains about her knee every day. There is apparently nothing wrong, except maybe it feels wrong inside from the replacement (over 3 years ago). There is nothing visible wrong and she doesn’t limp. I don’t try to change her perception, although the Dr. put her on “as needed” tylenol and I think the aids give her too many. I tell her to put her ice pack on it or wrap up in the electric lap blanket. It lets her know that she was heard and honestly somedays is all we can talk about. I know she keeps sort of busy at the AL place because she isn’t in her apartment all the time. She goes to lots of the events and their little movie theater, but she never remembers to tell me about them, unless I have the calendar and can ask specifically. … sorry, I was supposed to be helping you and not rambling myself.
Shorter answer is: get it checked by the Dr. and then try the “ice pack” “hot pad” and possibly get a massage therapist to give it a rub every so often. After two years it is just something I live with and am finally convinced that she doesn’t HURT, which is what I need to focus on.
While I agree some if this can be mental decline, emotional needs, or attention issues, etc, neuralgia can still be real. Even when unexplained.
An elder who has neuropathy, issues with mobility, posture, sleep, etc, could be suffering muscle decline and nerve pain.
I’ve been through it. There isn’t always an easy explanation.
Interesting, surfcity and esobay. Heat and cool seem like a reasonable approach. My father with dementia has few physical complaints about pain, yet several conditions that likely cause severe discomfort. He also has no sense of the duration of any problem, as he lives nearly completely in the moment now.
What he does have in common with your parents is the repetitive nature of the conversations. We have had very similar conversations weekly for at least 5 years. I think this may be typical in dementia patients: interactions that are redundant and almost by rote. They “play the tape”. My father still makes jokes in the style that has been his trademark for 60 years.
If current pain is ruled out, I wonder if focus on physical issues you describe could be their topics. Of course, it is tough due to the importance of knowing if they are uncomfortable.
Sorry for all the dilemmas.
My mom will always say 10 when asked about her pain. She also has spinal stenosis so I don’t doubt she has pain, but 10 every time? I notice the busier and more engaged the less she complains. But with a short term memory loss im not so sure.
Those uti’s can real knock an elder off kilter…Im so glad I read it here before I saw it with my mom. She doesn’t even remember now.
Hi all, I last posted in Sept but have been so busy with the college stuff that I forgot about this part of the forum. Condolences to all those who have suffered a loss. My post will actually be of the good news variety. After moving mom out of her house 3 years ago – first to a senior facility and then to a nearby ALF – she has had ups and downs - literally. Quite a few falls, some requiring a stint in rehab, then back to the ALF. In January, she fell and suffered an odontoid (cervical) fracture. Faced with wearing a hard collar forever, or spinal fusion surgery, we opted for the surgery, knowing the risks (death.) The surgery went well, there were some non-surgical issues that developed that extended her stay, but she was discharged to rehab. The place where she lives has an ALF, rehab and SNF all under one roof. The first week or so was slow (she had to go back to the hospital for a few days) but from then on her progress has been remarkable. Here’s the coolest thing: she has had chronic neck and shoulder pain due to a whiplash injury in 1959. It’s completely gone! She hasn’t had anything stronger than a tylenol in weeks. While she does have some dementia, it’s not Alzheimer’s, and she is incredibly sharp for 91 and her memory is amazing. Because she needs more attention than they can provide at the ALF she transferred to the SNF section and is awaiting Medicaid approval. Because the rooms are very similar to the ALF rooms, and she gets to see many of the same people, the transition has not been an issue. I had always dreaded having to “put her in a home” but in this case, it’s working fine for her. And for us: the state is now paying her tab, so we can start paying off the second mortgage we took out to pay for the last three years.
Hope this lasts for a while.
Only on this thread would a fall, a surgery, and a transition from ALF to SNF be good news, but it sounds like your mom is doing well and you know you are helping her live the best life she can. Congratulations!
I am glad things are going well, subtropicus, especially with the whiplash pain disappearing.
It looks like my father may be getting out of transitional care, and my mother (with the help of my brother and home health care workers) is going to try caring for him at home.
I suggested a baby monitor as, unless his mind suddenly reboots when he gets home, he will need 24 hour care.
I am only familiar with the old “audio” ones we used when our kids were young, but now it looks like they come with video screens, too. Any suggestions on which work well?
Over the five years when my mom cared for my dad at home, post-stroke, she actually used a wireless doorbell as a call button for him. I have no idea why they never used the baby monitor…especially the video monitors. It’s such an obvious tool. A lot will depend on your father’s ability to know when he needs something or someone. My dad, although pretty much incapacitated physically was, until close to the end, able to articulate when he needed or wanted something. A possible downside to the baby monitors is that you will see and hear all movement etc. We noticed that my dad became more verbal in his sleep after the stroke, and that would have meant even more sleepless nights for my mom. As it was, he called her (via the call button-he slept in a different room) at least once most nights for a variety of needs. Will your mom have 24 hour home health aides? My mother had people in for a few hours in the morning to get him up and showered etc. and a few hours in the evening. The rest of the time she was alone, so your circumstances may be different.
My mother is thinking about hiring an aid from 7pm to 7am each day, as nights seem worst for Dad. The only problem I see is that she still intends to sleep in the same bed as him. I don’t see that happening too long. My brother is in their second bedroom, so I’ve suggested she convert her sunroom/t.v. room to a bedroom for him.
Good luck with the transition, Toledo. I have helped in-laws navigate the move home after a big event and I think there is a lot of benefit to building in care from the start. Aides can share the load as well as “tricks of the trade” as new routines are established, and it is much easier to back off having an excess of care than to bring people in quickly in a crisis. Also, it is good for your mother to get some rest and not have to face the possibility of being in over her head from the start. Sharing a bed does sound less than restful. Determining what your father is able to do for himself, combined with what your mother and brother can do will help with strategic hiring of help. He is lucky to have so much family support. I am not up to speed on monitor options.
I do hope that being at home helps him “re-boot”.
Promises of “decadent” hot baths on demand, putting greens and gurgling waterfalls to calm the mind: These luxurious touches rarely conjure images of a stay in a nursing home.
But in a cutthroat race for Medicare dollars, nursing homes are turning to amenities like those to lure patients who are leaving a hospital and need short-term rehabilitation after an injury or illness, rather than long-term care at the end of life.
Even as nursing homes are busily investing in luxury living quarters, however, the quality of care is strikingly uneven. And it is clear that many of the homes are not up to the challenge of providing the intensive medical care that rehabilitation requires. Many are often short on nurses and aides and do not have doctors on staff.
A report released in 2014 by the Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of the Inspector General found that 22 percent of Medicare patients who stayed in a nursing facility for 35 days or less experienced harm as a result of their medical care. An additional 11 percent suffered temporary injury. The report estimated that Medicare spent $2.8 billion on hospital treatment in 2011 because of harm experienced in nursing facilities.
Sounds like where my Dad is now. It’s a continuing care facility. Here are the amenities:
Adult Day Center
Auditorium/Banquet Center
Banking
Beauty Salon/Barber Shop
Billiards
Boom Site Cafe
Chapel
Child Day Care
Community Room
Event and Activity Programming
Game Room
Garage
Guest Dining
Guest Suite
In-home care
Internet Access
Lap and therapy pools
Learning/Media Center
Library
Market Groceries & Goods
Massage Therapy
Media Room
Museum/Gallery
Observatory
On-site Dental Care
On-site Lab Services
Outdoor walking trail
Pendant/Call System
Pets are welcome (guidelines apply)
Priority access to other Presbyterian Homes & Services living and care options based on availability
Private Family Dining Room
Professional Management by PHS Management, LLC
Restaurant Dining
Satellite/Cable
Scheduled Transportation
Smoke-free Community
Spiritual Care
Steamboat Lounge
Therapies
Town Hall
Underground Parking
Volunteer Support
Wings Wellness Center
Related to above post, check out England’s approach to dementia amenities, sensory stimulation and relaxation rooms, with the goal to reduce meds for agitation and anxiety. The pictures are great in this " how to " brochure
http://www.dementiatoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/How-to-make-a-Sensory-Room-for-people-with-dementia.pdf
What, no bar? Or is that what the Steamboat Lounge is? Just kidding.
My folks have a bar at their CCRC.
My mom’s place has happy hour as well at hers too.
Just learned my mother is moving to Tucson, (she’s now near me, in the Northeast.) Nope, no family there, though my brother is 10 minutes the airport in OC, CA. Nothing I can do about it, at this point. She’s still able to make her own decisions- and making her own decisions is what she likes.
Wow, LF. Does she know anyone there? There are many times when our hands are tied with elder support. Hope that it all works out or that if it’s not meant to be, she discovers that fact before she is too deep into it.
(Perhaps she is one step ahead of those of us who stay in the NE after this winter… jk)
I thought you all would appreciate this. I am sitting here drafting a spreadsheet of senior living places for my folks. Not unlike the spreadsheets we do for college selection. Comparing amenities like full kitchen, on-site PT, # of dining rooms, # of residents etc. And then the costs - entrance fees, monthly costs, life care vs fee for service, refundable portions of entrance fees, etc etc. It is very hard to compare apples to apples and it is making my head swim.
Then, just because i have to overanalyze everything, I cannot help but start thinking of all the possible future situations. If dad goes first, will mom like it here? If mom goes first I will definitely have to move dad closer to me. If dad doesn’t qualify for life care, what are the odds he will live long enough to use up their cash?
It’s awful trying to imagine all the scenarios and realize that you would make different choices if you knew how one parent’s health would progess. Add in other variables like how much does the surviving spouse get of the others’ pension, how much does LTC insurance really provide, and it is quite a depressing way to spend my Sunday.
The only good thing is they are both on board with having to move, so I am spared having to convince them of this.
From visiting colleges to visiting assisted living - it’s quite the progression. At least they are on board with having to move - that’s a huge help. From what I have seen in my own family and with my friends’ parents - that is the biggest hurdle.