@GTalum it wouldn’t hurt to have your dad’s doctor know about this episode - a little additional or tweaking of medication may help. Working in skilled care as a RN primarily working 2nd shift (3 - 11 pm), I do see some episodes. Also the CNAs may not realize that resident behavior can ‘turn’ - I have to remind staff about putting up bed rails and assisting residents to the bath room who previously were doing better. Also sometimes residents think they can calm other residents “she would never hurt ME” - well you are not dealing with someone that have full reign on their faculties or their brain just isn’t working like it did before.
@GTalum, this must be so hard. You worked hard to find an appropriate place for your parents to live, and to make it work for them. And now it doesn’t, and the complications keep piling up. No advice, just sympathy, empathy and hugs!
Thanks all. Dad is on no medications at this time. I talked to the PCH where they are scheduled to move plus had a meeting with the CCRC. The CCRC wants them in full time memory care or an aide for 24 hours. I don’t quite get the aide as they tell me they are afraid to come into the apartment. Anyway the PCH (personal care home) director feels they can manage his behaviors. So the plan is to move them ASAP.
Yes @SOSConcern, 3-5 is a terrible time for him when he sun downs.
Traveling with incontinence and dementia is not for the faint of heart. Started on a weekend trip. So far the AC quit in the car (mid 80s out) and she had explosive problems before making it to the bathroom at the restaurant. While cleaning and fixing her, another person needing the handicapped stall was waiting on us and I felt so horrible! Ugh. I hope this trip gets better…
My awful fear wasn’t death by stroke. Not at all.
My fear was my mother surviving a stroke that left her a vegetable. I don’t know that that can be prevented.
GT, does he have a history of aggression or could this be a rare event?
and that is why my mom talked her doctor into keeping her on her blood thinner even though she has had a fall. She can face the thought of bleeding to death in a fall, can’t face the thought of surviving a stroke. Hard choices.
I agree with you about palliative care. (Her HBP & diabetes medications have been adjusted.) My brother & I are requesting a consult with her medical provider’s hospice & palliative care service to prepare for that next step. I believe it’s better to start that approach months before the inevitable end.
I’m sorry to hear about the crisis with your father. I hope the transition goes smoothly. I sent you a PM.
No he doesn’t have a history! Everybody in the CCRC thinks of him as such a nice man. He was scared that when he heard about it, he was going to jail 
You are so smart. It seems you have a great relationship with your brother and you and he are on the same page. What a blessing.
Re strokes: my dad had a hemorrhagic stroke while he was in the hospital for an arrhythmia. It was the hardest thing in the world but when the doctors showed me the MRI, that his brain was so affected, although he was conscious and recognized family members, I followed his living will directives. No feeding tube, no life-prolonging measures. It took 5 days until he passed away. We were fortunate that he had hospice care in the hospital, as it would not have been possible for him to move home and it would have been very disruptive for him to move to a different facility.
Dear God, help me! I am literally screaming at my mother! She did her usual thing of deciding to put her pajamas on and go to bed at 6:00. I told her it wasn’t bed time yet, so every five minutes since then, she has gone into her bedroom to put her clothes back on (because I still have my clothes on). I have interrupted her and put her pajamas back on, and we have gone over the situation over and over again. She “doesn’t understand the timing”. I have had a long work week, and I can’t do this! I had taken away her 1/2 mg of Ativan at 4:00 because I wondered if it was making her worse, now I’m going to give it back to her because nothing can be worse than this. And between bouts with the pajamas, we have to talk about what that bowl of ‘brown goodies’ is; it’s her cereal for in the morning because if it isn’t poured into the bowl she will eat cookies and cakes and ignore the need for something more substantial. This is the worse day in a long, long time
@psychmomma. For the last year, I have not taken the folks on a trip. Just dealing with the dementia issues are bad enough, but incontinence would be so hard. Not much of a vacation.
So sorry @mykidsgranny. It is exhausting. I have no suggestions other than to say I could not have my parents live with me. I need my house to be a non-demented haven. You and @psychmomma are very brave.
This isn’t really at you, granny. But some do say, let them eat what they want. Don’t explain, they can’t process what you’re saying. You can’t save this. Part of the long dialogue of this thread is knowing when to let go.
But the anger? You bet. I’d leave my mother’s with the hugest silent scream bursting. (No dementia.)
When our kids were little, I learned it really does take a village. I personally felt, with my mother, that it was declining into needing to save myself. (At the time, it was her personality issues.) And my kids, as she had taken on an odd attitude at them.
If it’s one thing I learned about moderate to severe dementia, is that you can’t argue. You will lose and your elder will become frustrated, angry, and then lash out. I think this is what happened with this recent violent episode with dad.
One more piece of advice for anyone else doing a move from a larger to smaller place, the moving company we are working with has, so far, been a great experience. They are a 2-3 year residential drug rehab charitable organization. To help pay for the rehab they have several businesses including landscaping, moving, and a thrift store and work in one of the businesses is required of the residents. In one truck, they will drop off the stuff we are keeping (1 bedroom and a grandfather clock) at the PCH and bring the rest of the stuff to the thrift store. We are only being charged for the items moving to the PCH. I am told by elder care managers that this group is used a lot for moves from homes to assisted living. I plan to have the apartment empty at the end of the morning but I have to spend all my time sorting files so I don’t donate something important or identifying information. Not an easy task with my dad around.
Yea, I am dreading moving my folks. They have every closet of the 4bedroom house overflowing with their clothing and hate parting with anything. They’re moving to a 2bedroom in a 55+ community and dad is already trying to buy a new wine fridge.
@mykidsgranny yeeks you did have your hands full with your mother. I noticed you stopped her Ativan and I’m wondering if that needs to be weaned off not just abruptly stopped? Not sure I know some meds need to be stepped down.
Hang in there
For those dealing with dementia Teepa Snow, a trainer, author, quite renown Dementia Educator, has some excellent you tube videos about sundowning, bathing, arguing, giving medications, dealing with agression, and the repeated questions. Highly recommend
Very interesting, SJCMom, ad very relevant to this thread. I see this: “Ativan withdrawal usually occurs in two stages: an acute stage and a prolonged stage. Ativan has a half-life of 10-12 hours on average, so withdrawal symptoms can start relatively quickly (within 24 hours) following the last dose…”
Highly recommend reading this: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/11/opinion/sunday/vaccinations-elderly.html
“Life is a three-act play. It’s time our medical system reflected that truth.”
Excellent article @ManhattanBoro . Thanks for posting it.
My dad is in fairly good health for an 85 year old, but I have had to step in a few times and question if a particular drug was really necessary in light of his age.
Yes, my folks are late 80s and early 90s. I certainly believe they metabolize things differently than a decade or two ago and certainly differently from folks many decades younger. Thanks for the article.
Excellent article!