A mostly venting development in MomLand:
I’m visiting DS2 and his girlfriend in the Midwest and have been talking to my 87 y.o. mother back home in New England daily. Yesterday morning she sounded a little down, so I asked what was going on. She was outside, took a fall, and broke her wrist in two places. A friend took her to urgent care, they said she needed to see ortho, and she got an appointment. No surgery needed, thank goodness, has a cast, has follow-up appointment late next week.
Of course everything comes with baggage, ahem, history. I’m an only child, and my mother has had a healthy inclination towards learned helplessness in the past. I’m trying very hard to not use that lens when looking at new situations as they arise.
As for many of you in crises large and small, it’s a logistical tangle right now. I drove out here with the dog so am two days away. Closer DS1 doesn’t drive plus will be out of state this weekend. But DH is in Northern Virginia and offered to fly up. He is more than willing to help her out if she needs someone around, but he just told me his main motivation was based on his knowledge that she’d be reluctant to ask him to do that and therefore likelier to be more careful about asking me to cut short my trip, with the advantage of knowing that he’s a relatively quick trip away should family be necessary in short order. So he’s my hero, both for being willing to help her and for stepping in on my behalf.
Also a very silver lining is that she (and my father when he was alive) would call me for everything rather than finding other resources or possibilities. If around, I’d of course have been there and helped, stayed over or brought her to our house, etc. In situations like this my mother invariably says “I don’t know what I’d do without you!” Now, however, she’s had bystanders help pick her up, a neighbor taking her to and from the medical offices, healthcare staff taking care of her – and one of the last things she said on the phone to me a little while ago is “People are so nice and helpful!”
So she sounds all right for now. Has food and meds, doesn’t need to get anywhere, and feels safe in an apartment building where the residents look after each other. She told me not to cut short my trip and sounds like she’s staying comfortable.
I get home Tuesday evening, and we’ll talk twice a day between now and then. She sounds frustrated and still in a little pain but lucid and grateful, says she’s in good shape as things stand until I’m back. This sounds all right to me, but I also realize I want to have my entire planned visit with the kids here. Am I missing anything else to watch out for?
