Agree that exercising and staying as healthy and active as possible are keys to having the best quality of life and health so I’m taking that path. Worrying is unproductive.
For those who have parents with Alzheimers - today while going through my craft sites, I came across an item that my be useful to them. It’s an Alzheimer’s Activity Mat. The link has direction on how to make one and customize it. I thought that some here might like to make one for their parents or have a friend who can craft make it.
http://www.nancyzieman.com/blog/sewing-2/sew-an-alzheimers-activity-mat/
@bookreader Dad would have those pieces torn apart and in his mouth within about 5 minutes! We’ve tried to get him stuff to fiddle with, but only wants to destroy the things he shouldn’t. Nothing he is supposed to fiddle with! His favorite lately is destroying the bathroom with tearing off the toilet paper holder off the wall and even tearing off plumbing fixtures!
Back home now. My mother is doing very well and is in good spirits. Follow up with orthopedic MD end of this week. This couldn’t have come at a more hilarious time – we have company coming and going over the holidays, and she likes making foods from scratch. I’ll be her hands and making pierogi and kielbasa under her watchful eye (“Don’t get a hole in the entrails, Dear!”). This is the woman who, when her then-teenage grandsons cut her grass, walked behind them and pointed to the parts of the lawn she wanted mowed. Fortunately she laughs about this tendency of hers as hard as we do.
I’m trying to see what might be suitable management for the longer-term, too. Mom used to do basic PT exercises more often: leg lifts, simple stretches, reps with small dumbbells. She used to be very consistent about it when she lived here, but since moving to her apartment she’s been so busy that she let it go by the wayside. She says she feels less steady on her feet than she did when doing them. I’ve been trying to encourage but not nag and found an article that seems to espouse a “work smarter not only harder” approach https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3851025/ Am trying to find a way to approach this with her, maybe have her bring it up at her next checkup.
Hugs to you @GTalum . Im afraid that could be in my dad’s future. The engineer sees something that doesn’t work “right” and decides to fix it. So if the toilet paper holder is a problem, take it off the wall.
He’s just fixing things.
You are right @dragonmom. This is what it is like to have an engineer with the critical thinking and attention span of a 15 month old. I hope he can get through this stage 6 of 7 dementia and on to the less physically able stage 7 soon. It might sound like a terrible thing to wish for, but the home can’t afford to have a destructive and occasionally violent man.
@GTalum- so poignant. I get what you are wishing for and why. How hard to see him agitated, wonder when the other shoe will drop and see the overall decline. This disease comes in a variety of forms; when the temperament goes, it seems particularly distressing.
My father was always a tinkerer. With severe memory loss, his tinkering became “less productive”: removing the buckles from leather belts, losing the battery covers for watches that were still ticking, etc. I suggested that his senior care facility have a “take apart” table, something our kids’ nursery school had. Old mechanical things that were safe to disassemble. Probably wouldn’t have saved every item, but it wouldn’t have harmed anything either and being busy isn’t a bad thing either. A version of the activity mat, mentioned earlier in the thread. Of course, this is a different equation for those who are in danger due to confusion. My father lost his memory, yet kept his social veneer, ability to converse and awareness of what things were for until he died about 20 years after the memory loss process was evident.
Oh, they have tried the tinkering table. He can’t have small parts as they will go into his mouth. He seems to like small nails in particular such as the ones in picture frames. Anything with a color to them he thinks is candy. Even if it wasn’t for the oral thing, he doesn’t seem interested in things he is supposed to tinker with. They bought him interlocking pipes, not interested. DH got him a box with multiple doors that have different latches to open. Not interested! I think he’s trying in his own way to be useful and purposeful.
He is social and engages with others, even though his aphasia is such that only about 10% of the words are real words and those that are are word salad. But, he will “participate” in the activities, usually sit there and “talk” while others are playing bingo or painting.
Before I start writing why I’m posting. I want to say how moved I’ve been by how caring everyone is.
I’m trying to figure out if my mother could qualify for Medicaid if she eventually needs assistance for activities of daily living and/or nursing care. Social security & her pension are sufficient to cover her current needs. Any additional care would be very difficult to manage financially.
In searching for information online re: Medicaid eligibility, I’m a bit at a loss. Does anyone have any recommendations, websites that were helpful in walking one through how to determine eligibility. For example, it sounded as if (but I’m not certain), when one applies, as opposed to when one is approved for Medicaid, is the date from which any “payback” monthly penalty is counted.
Thank you for any suggestions.
Here’s a description of my mother: Her physical health is good (esp for someone nearly 100 years old). Her issue is dementia. At worst she’s frail, walks very slowly, occasionally uses a cane. Because of her symptoms of dementia it’s unsafe for her to cook so my brother brings her meals. She can use a microwave. No issues with other ADL. She dresses appropriately, is not incontinent.
She lives alone in a studio apartment that’s in a senior housing apartment building. My brother sees her daily. She has a part-time aide twice weekly and attends a day program twice weekly for social & mental stimulation. We can also monitor her via a webcam.
Since your father likes to tinker and is social, could he do an activity with others?
Like build with duplo blocks? Hold a skein of yarn, while another person makes a ball of the yarn? Maybe work with others on a floor jigsaw puzzle?
Often we feel useful through the process of doing something with someone. The process is more valuable than how successful one is at doing the activity.
I have a problem. After my dad spiraled into dementia my sister and I were able to take over his trust and medical care because he had stipulations in both stating if he was found to be incompetent by two doctors we would take over. So, for the most part we have everything under control. EXCEPT, his IRA. His IRA was not part of the trust and he needs to take his required distribution, but in order to do that he needs to sell the mutual fund it is in, and the bank is insisting HE has to do it. Today my sister tried to call while she was with him and when it was his turn to get on the phone he started talking gibberish and hung up on the guy. We are trying to avoid a trip to the bank. We do not have POA. We could try to get it again, but previously he refused because he has absolutely NO insight into his condition.
Manhattan, I never dealt with Medicaid with either set of parents, but I did deal with them in my former job at a hospital. Our social worker did the applications. There is a financial limit of how much you can own and there is a loopback period. Does the senior housing or her family practice doctors have a social worker that can help? I am guessing you will get a lot of help soon on this thread.
Each state sets their own rules for Medicaid eligibility. Have you checked that website of the state department that deals with Medicaid in the state where your mother resides (eg, dept of social services)?
@tx5athome, I do not have any experience, personally, but there must be a way to get guardianship, legally, so that you can be an administrator of the IRA.
I’d start asking both the IRA folks and an elder attorney.
@tx5athome - have you asked the bank if they have forms that he could fill out to allow others to assist with his IRA? Some banks have requirements that their own specific paperwork be on file. Since you lack a PoA, this might be a good work around.
As to the PoA, those are often done and on file in advance of need. Who knows when they could become disabled and need a legal representative? I used the one my parents gave me fluidly, as needed at their request, for years before it became consistently necessary due to their poor health. Perhaps framing it as a chance for you to help as needed will make it more palatable? PoA and health care proxies, coupled with any additional forms specific to his financial institutions, are well worth having. If someone is no longer competent, it can get tricky. Elder law attorneys have the expertise that could make a difference here. All the best.
@ManhattanBoro every state is different a little bit in the medicare/medicade. I’d call your nearest Senior care county help line, sometimes Adult services. I didn’t go the medicare route so have no experiences to offer there.
@tx5athome, I get avoiding a trip to the bank … but it might be the easier option if your Dad is at all able. I had to do it with my mom even though I had a POA, it wasn’t good enough for her bank which held her mortgage. Everything else was in the trust. First, you prep the bank. Go in and find out who you can make an appointment with for the following trip. Talk to that person, explaining the circumstances and bringing in your certification of trust papers showing you are in charge of that. Tell them your dad’s’ circumstances and ask them to set you up with the BANKS POA (they often want their own, even if you have a different one already). If your dad is lucid in the AM and will behave in pubic a little bit, just take him down and make sure the person you prepped is ready with both the IRA withdrawal and the POA. If taxes are not a big deal, just do all the withdrawal and close the account! but anyway, with a little prep work, most banks I think will help you get through it. It is like divorces, you never know there are so many people dealing with demented parents until you start talking. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of, no one can help it.
If that fails, given that you were already able to take over the trust, get a court order to take over the IRA either by a single event item, or a guardianship. Guardianships / conservatorships have on-going legal expenses, but I think you can get a court order to turn over just the IRA if every other financial thing is in the trust.
At least I had a good outcome from Mom’s mortgage. He could see that she was not all there, even though at that time she was pretty lucid and spoke well. I didn’t do enough prep work, and he didn’t have the right POA form there, and he had her HANDWRITE “I assign my daughter to be my POA for account #xxxx” and signed it. He went off and conferred with someone on the phone and came back and said it would be taken care of. Ever after that, I got the bills addressed to me:POA and her name wasn’t even listed.
@tx5athome The attorney drawing up the PoA document, and the person notarizing your father’s signature (who may be one and the same), will likely want to be satisfied that your father is mentally competent to sign such a document. If he has already been found incompetent by two doctors, it is unlikely that any attorney would agree to a PoA. I think that leaves Guardianship as perhaps the only solution. The bank is not going to just go along with the doctors, but will respect court-ordered guardianship. Unfortunately, arranging guardianship takes time and can be expensive. Definitely time to talk to an elder law attorney…
@ManhattanBoro Medicaid is administered at the state level, which in turn may have offices arranged by county. So check your state website. In our state, the recipient could have no more than $2,500 in assets. We had to provide 5 years worth of bank statements as well as documentation of all income (especially any social security), insurance premiums, etc…, as well as obtain a market analysis evaluation of mom’s house, as well as the deed, mortgage documents, mom’s divorce decree, and even her birth certificate. Pulling all the documentation together was quite involved. Once mom passed the financial eligibility test, then there was the medical eligibility test…
@colfac92 … worth noting that bank POA and general POA’s are different. The OP may not need any attorney involved, at least in my case they didn’t . We often think of the BIG POA to do all sorts of things, but there are specific POA’s easily available for single use. I am pretty sure the bank would at least allow a single use POA for administering the withdrawals from an IRA and no attorney involved.
For my particular case , I was conflicted because I didn’t think Mom was competent to sign anything. I think the banker helped me out. It helped that we had a joint checking account there so that both Mom and I were “known” to the bank. But in the end, they just wanted to be able to get their work done and not get sued.
I’ll second what @esobay says, just because you have a properly signed and notarized PoA in hand does not mean that the bank (or any other entity) will necessarily be willing to deal with you, at least not right away. They will need time to review the document and likely will want to verify it with your parent (if they can). My mom’s mortgage company also wanted a notarized copy of MY signature, as well as copy of my government-issued photo identification card! It took about a month before they sent notification that I was approved to deal with them on my mother’s behalf.