My uncle has one that is a bracelet rather than a pendant - less noticeable/embarrassing I guess. They do have a lockbox outside their front door.
@rockvillemom – the companies that I called did not offer fall detection in the bracelet version. I think the reasoning was that arm movements would make it more difficult to detect falls? I agree that the bracelet would be less noticeable.
Happy to find this page. My mom passed away in 2014 after an 11 year battle with Alzheimer’s. I’m the POA and HPOA for my 82 year old father. He has had 2 strokes, is in a wheelchair, has dementia, diabetes, and terrible swallowing issues. He’s in a skilled nursing facility but is not very happy.
@Aekmom wow I can relate. I have 3 unhelpful sisters and I no longer speak to 2 of them. The third sister has a built in excuse as she lives out of state.
H stopped at his parents’ AL today. FIL was heading into his bathroom with newspaper and a roll of paper towel to clean the xxxx off of the floor. “It’s worked great before!” This is a man who is bent over at ~75* and has had falls resulting in fractures in his back. There was a large bottle of soft soap in the refrigerator. He has put his cash someplace (out of the lockbox where it’s kept) and hasn’t been found.
This is a full service ALF and there’s no reason why he shouldn’t call maintenance other than he forgets he can.
H and his sister do what they can and I stay out of it, other than the commiserating. I’m glad they get along so well.
Welcome @chb088, I’m sorry you are in a situation in which you are here. I have 2 parents with Alzheimer’s in long term care. I have heard of so many family relationships torn apart due to care needs of the elderly relative. I swim with someone who, in talking about his in-laws and the 4 daughters said, “all those relationship issues when they were younger come out now and it’s been a difficult year for the family.”
As for me, with my only brother dying 3 years ago, I wonder if it is easier or harder to be the sole decision maker for my parents.
@zeebamom I found it is really difficult for those with memory impairment to take advantage of the services offered at Assisted or Independent living. It is much better to have just physical impairments.
@GTalum - I do find that it is often easier to be the sole decision maker for my folks. At least, from reading stories here about sibling issues and going through it with DH and his sibs during their parents’ declines.
I am an only child so I always knew that I would be doing this along - perhaps that helps too. And my folks, thank goodness, are very willing to let me make decisions. I am aware that that is not typical.
But I will say that at times it is very, very lonely. I would love to have someone else there to share the burden with, someone who knows exactly what I am feeling - seeing my parent decline. DH is fabulous, but just once I would love to have a sibling who I could call on and ask their opinion or else reminisce about the way things were when we were younger.
@surfcity, It sounds good and I have a couple of friends who truly share the burden, but wow, those bad stories about things going poorly between siblings, those make me appreciate that none of my siblings do much, they do some, but not much. At least they never tell me how I should be handling things!
I researched the pendant system a long time ago and I always wondered if the fall detection works as it says.
The holidays were stressful this year but they usually are… too much to do and not enough time…it doesn’t help that they are immediately followed on the 30th by the anniversary of my mom’s passing…so my thoughts are with all those missing loved ones…looking forward to Jan and Feb which will be pleasantly boring
Successfully got my dad into my house on Xmas day which requires three stairs…since he is in a wheelchair 50% of the time it is a challenge. He was in good spirits but anxious to leave after dinner. The AL was supposed to have a bed available in the Memory Care unit this week but there is some hold up so we are looking at mid January…drives me crazy paying their fee as well as $2000 a week for 12 hour a day care but at least I know he is safe and not falling. I just keep telling myself this is temporary…hate worrying about his money as well as ours… My brother dropped off his birthday gift for my dad at the front desk…without going up to see him…wonder if he will stop by for the holidays…
@somemom my 90 year old mother in law fell a month ago and her life alert sustem worked perfectly- notifying a neighbor, and Son and DiL.
-we put a lock box on front door to store the house key.
Highly recommend
( amazingly nothing broke but a month later the goose egg still on forehead and blackened is awful. She showed three minor strokes and has AFIB - spent month in hospital and rehab
I hope everyone had a good as holiday as possible.
Was a difficult one for us.
BF had a understandable rough time with his mother passing away at the middle of October. He and his brother and dad did not even exchange gifts.
DD did go over to her father’s on Christmas but his own parents wouldn’t even make the drive up to see him. I think he has grown so large that he can not get in his truck anymore. I sent a little food over for him.
I haven’t been able to make it down to see my mom yet, I have a horrid cold and I don’t want to take that in to her skf.
Here is to a better year for all of us!
Being an only child cuts both ways. Yes, I have no siblings to argue with about my mother’s care or to be resentful about sibling’s lack of involvement. But, surfcity is right. It can get very lonely making decisions and doing everything on your own. DH will listen to me and offer his advice, but his parents didn’t live as long as my mother so he’s not really cognizant of all the issues I’m dealing with now.
None of my siblings really help with decisions either, though sometimes when I feel overloaded, I email them the details and request input, mostly so they are aware of what I am dealing with (passive aggressive much?) But I do have one sister who listens and that is huge, as I can vent to her and by venting, I am able to be kinder to my mother in person, it avoids tiny resentments piling up.
Sorry for everyone’s difficulties.
We were at MIL/FIL’s for 9 days. MIL and DH made some meals when it was just the 4 of us. When there were 6 - 9 of us, I did all the shopping and meals; ham on C-mas Eve and Turkey on C-mas Day. MIL only got grumpy a few times, snapped at me when I was doing a lot of work…systems in place since our Sept visit are working well. No dishwasher - kitchen needs a remodel but not when they are living and there…MIL always said she had 4 (her sons; DH will do anything but stack/wash dishes as a result of his hatred of this chore). Twice on big meals dish washing done by others; otherwise it was me. H was actually most anxious to ‘get out of Dodge’ the morning after C-mas. Tough for him to see the decline in his parents and some of the negatives in their comments and behaviors. DH and I got to spend time with his closest brother, who lives close to parents and manages much of the parental oversight. He has a ‘thick skin’ - does what they need and doesn’t mind being ‘the bad guy’.
So this trip was better than the week in Sept, when MIL was grumpy 24/7. When I got back to work (skilled care) I mentioned our most needy/grumpy resident, and said “imagine that, 24/7” - of course this resident needed a psych adjustment of medications which improved her behavior remarkably. The mix of medications is a big help for many elderly. BIL that is the parental manager is a Pharmacist, and he makes sure they have all their meds. Better QOL with all the new drugs.
And got H’s lab work from his MD visit - cholesterol drug has helped him (he also is right weight and exercises and modifies his diet) - MD wrote ‘excellent labs’ - and they were! Triglyceride (to be less than 150) was 61;Chol (to be under 200) was 142; LDL calculated (to be less than 100) was 69.
Just found this part of CC and it has been so helpful and informative as I too am caring for an elderly parent and juggling teenagers!
Has anyone had one of those walk-in tubs installed? Any thoughts, feedback, experience? I am concerned about falling while getting into or out of the existing standard bathtub.
My mother still showers standing up, so I am interested in the model that does not have the built-in seat, as that seat seems to occupy much of the space inside the tub. A portable bath seat could be used later with a handheld shower sprayer.
I briefly considered a barrier-free roll-in shower, but am concerned that the water would end up on the floor, creating a slip hazard.
I welcome any suggestions or comments, as this is all new to me. She does not want to move to AL yet, so I am trying to adapt her surroundings to make it safer for her.
I’d be concerned as to how quickly the tubs fill and drain. I wouldn’t want someone sitting in the cold long while waiting for the tub to drain so they could open the door and get out.
When I had s broken fibula, we had to go to my brother’s house so and use his shower do I could maneuver around more easily (our bathroom and shower were too small). Brother has huge bathroom and shower without walls but it has a small built-in bench you can sit on while showering. It was much better easier to sit there and use the handheld shower attachment. They also had textured rock for the floor so it was nonslip instead of sandpaper-like grip.
When my aunt was in AL, she had a roll in tub with a seat. She walked at the time and didn’t roll in. I am not sure how it worked, but the floor didn’t get wet when she showered.
@CT1417 - There are elongated shower stools that allow one to sit on the room side of the tub edge and slide over for bathing with a hand held shower (assuming legs can be lifted with or without assistance). May be worth a look.
After my dad’s stroke we had his bathroom redone with a roll in shower. You can have a flexible silicone edge installed along the floor of the shower that holds the water in but can be rolled over in a shower chair, if needed. It works well. We also have a washable, absorbent and soft floor mat with has silicone ribs on the back (no slippage) outside the shower to avoid slipping when stepping out.