Of course, you know what works for your mother and the staff should be able to shift their care towards something that works with you as part of the team. Since you are frustrated and felt you were getting nowhere with the staff, I would talk to the director of nursing about more effective strategies and things you know that work for your mom. I think about behavior issues with my parents and know that it often takes us 3-4 and maybe more different strategies before we find one that works. But I do know, talking sternly to them does not work, but I have certainly tried multiple times! Like they are kids who don’t listen. But I do know it’s not their fault. And yes, it seems logical to me that if they see the sling off, they should put it back on unless she removes it as soon as they do in which case, perhaps she can get a PT consult for more effective bracing possibilities. MDs are often not as good at such things as the PTs are.
I have orders for PT and OT; they are standing by. She had a tiny little pressure wound when she went in (she tends to slouch badly) so there is a wound nurse involved right now. They have said she is a perfect candidate for OT, and they are anxious to get started with her. I didn’t mean to insinuate that I felt like I was getting nowhere with the staff, I was just upset that they tossed the sling over on the chair, but I didn’t hear their side of the story either. Talking sternly to Mom has helped in the past, sometimes. She would grasp that something needed to be done, such as she went into the memory care willingly once I told her (five or ten times) that only they could help with her arm. I guess I keep thinking that if I connect it to her broken arm she might grasp it better. I’m just so new at this and so dense on how to handle it. It’s only been three weeks. I need to back off and give it more time, I am beginning to realize that. And she may be having too much company; somebody drops by almost every day.
The father of one of my coworkers broke his leg a few years ago. He either wasn’t supposed to walk while his leg wa in the cast or was supposed to be very limited in his activities (I can’t recall which), but he has dementia and could not keep in mind that his leg was broken. He had to have someone with him all the time until his leg healed. Another friend’s mother hurt her arm and wouldn’t keep the sling on.
@mykidsgranny- sorry to need a reminder, but what is the level of her memory care? If it is skilled nursing, there should be a structure built-in by staff that allows them to keep an eye on a mending patient. I have had a parent in SN memory care. They would have kept a close watch in circumstances as you describe. It would not have meant that he couldn’t have worked his magic in a rare off moment, but it would have been caught very quickly. This is okay to discuss with staff; can she hang out with a group, be checked every x minutes? I’d ask what is realistic from their point of view and if it doesn’t address her needs, ask now what? Skilled nursing level should be able to tend this to a high, though likely not perfect, degree. If the level of care is less than SN, you may have other options to consider.
I get how hard this is. Hang in there.
When my stepmother broke her arm, she had a hard cast. She got up once in the middle of the night and cut it off with a knife. Lucky she didn’t seriously hurt herself!
Wow! I can’t imagine cutting a hard cast off myself with a knife! That must have been quite surprising and alarming, @oldmom4896!
At least there were no razor blades or box cutters in the house!
Of course you are frazzled @mykidsgranny! We all are. Just remember this is all “improv.” There is no right answer at any given time and a right answer now may change.
Today, transitioned from Power of Attorney to Executor of Estate…
Sorry for your loss, @colfac92.
May your memories bring you comfort.
My mother was taken to the ER last evening; some body finally noticed the wheezing and rattling. She was admitted with blood clots in her lungs (she has never, ever had any kind of clotting issue). She was admitted; I stayed with her overnight, then came home to ‘take a nap’ and crashed for most of the day. I have a service lined up 24/7 for the weekend, and she should be going back to memory care by then. I guess I can realize that my new reality will be constant crises. Now I need to get back up to the hospital to relieve the sitter I left with her so I could sleep.
@mykidsgranny, my sympathy and empathy. It was only after my dad was gone for a while that I realized how his needs snowballed during his last two years and especially the last few months. Take good care of yourself. I’m glad you got to sleep a little today.
Condolences to @colfac92
Sympathy and empathy to @mykidsgranny ; I had a year of one crisis after the other with my dad. He has been in Memory Care 18, and the last 6 months or so have been very calm. Hopefully things will calm down for you as well.
Sorry for your loss @colfac92. So hard @mykidsgranny. Get some sleep and don’t let yourself get worn out! You are so smart to hire folks.
Colfac92, I am so very sorry for your loss.
I got about three or so hours of sleep; woke up at 2;30 pm and thought it was 2:30 am. I have located sitters for 24/7 except for Saturday night, through the weekend.
@mykidsgranny I’m curious why you are hiring sitters if she is in the hospital? Or maybe you are anticipating a discharge. When my dad has been in, often they have to put a one on one aide with him, but that is done by the hospital, with hospital staff, so no additional burden on me. (Outside of, ya know, the 1001 other burdens!)
@colfac, condolences. It is always hard.
@mykidsgranny Would you be willing to get hospice involved? It isn’t a death sentence!! But if she qualifies (which is for right now), then they have a lot of support and can have people to come site. She might qualify for only a short time, (60 days for the first time) and it is really helpful. And medicare pays so you can have more support without more cost. Your mom might get off and go back on several times, but it is good to have it in your toolbox. Takes a lot of tools to get through all this.
This hospital doesn’t offer one on one aides; they suggested the agency I called. Memphis is absolutely slammed with flu, strep and pneumonia, so maybe that is the issue, but I asked about a one-on-one aide. But this is one of the best hospitals in town, as far as patient care. I know that last night in ER, they had people on beds lining the hallway. I have a friend who works in that ER; she was working last night, and said that Tuesday and Wednesday nights were worst than last night. I don’t know if they realize that Mom doesn’t know how to use the nurse call button because her normal caregiver aide was with her all day today and she basically breathes for Mom. She would go tomorrow and the next day, too, but she is exhausted like I am.
I would definitely be willing to get hospice involved! This all came on so fast that I haven’t had a chance to do anything; I’ve had a couple of hours sleep here and a couple there, plus it’s a weekend. I don’t know the level of her memory care unit, but I know they can “age out”(die) there and they can have hospice come there. Again, it’s been less than two weeks since she was admitted there, and three since she broke her arm. I am much older than the rest of you, this should be my daughter talking about me; my mother is 97. She has gone downhill, mentally, over the last year and a half, so badly.
@mykidsgranny- Talk to her ALF or the hospital social worker - either should be able to get you set up for hospice. I feel for you.
My H once had to saw a hard cast off my foot. I can’t imagine anyone doing that to themselves. I was so doped up that my three oldest kids had to hold me down while he did it.