Why do so many dementia patients detest showering? It’s such a common concern, I’m baffled that there isn’t some way to make bathing / showering more tolerable.
It seems they get scared of the water as they progress. It can be the sound and the feel of it hitting their skin from the shower. My mom also hates to shower. I have to give her sponge baths.
I have read and believe part of it is that there are so many steps. Think about it—there’s getting the bath or shower ready, setting out clothes to change into, getting out of clothes, going into shower or bath, getting wet and having temperature changes, soaping, rinsing, drying and dressing. All of these steps take effort and adjustment—moreso if they have breathing or anxiety issues, those can worsen with activity and temperature changes.
Then too, there’s the risk of falls and baring yourself around others who are assisting you (who may be very young females). Modesty may be an issue as well as all those steps above. Sometimes bathing are at times of the day you may not be in the mood to be bathed/showered but are the only option available for the caregiver.
Anyway, these are some of the issues off the top of my head.
The website Alzheimer’s reading room has a lot of wonderful information including a nice article on water and bathing. He states water is invisible to the person with dementia and disconcerting that it hits them.
Sadly, my mother refused all suggestions/help we had to help her with our dad, even articles.
So would a hand held shower head with the water coming out at a low flow be any help? (I mean, where there’s assistance.)
I think if there were any easy answers, they’d have been found and widely adopted. This seems a pretty common problem, sadly. Of course, that may help SOME patients.
You are right @HImom. I have not heard about showers for my dad but he is clean, but anything that requires “steps” is a problem which means everything is difficult. I’ve realized while working with dad, just sitting down requires a series of steps, and since he has receptive aphasia he can’t understand your description of the steps he must do. Add that to the fact he needs to recognize chair and that it is a place for sitting. We have to “guess” when he needs to use the toilet which, of course, is even a bigger deal. Plus, my dad is an engineer and when he is more lucid, he needs to understand why he’s doing something. When my H took him to the toilet, he said to him, “you call this a talet…so this is a talet system…I don’t want to get into all that.” This was about a month ago and I have not heard him put several words together like that since.
As far as any medical tests, I have signed the appropriate paperwork to do no medical tests unless it is for palliative reasons.
My dad’s brother, also an engineer, is 3 years younger than dad and seems about 3 years behind dad with his dementia. This was the exact same trajectory their mother took. Dad is 82 and my grandmother died from her Alzheimer’s when she was 84.
I came across this site and description how different parts of the demented brain can be effected. Helps one understand why “if you’ve seen one dementia patient you’ve seen one dementia patient.” For example, my dad had a known hemorrhagic stroke in the occipital region of the brain (from Amyloid Angiopathy, a possibility with Alzheimer’s) which explains why his dementia may be particularly unique. http://immersive.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/d/LBLN/how-alzheimers-disease-changes-the-brain/flat/
^ thanks @GTalum excellent link
My mother had a long-time caregiver who literally got in the shower with her; she would put Mom on the shower chair and use the hand-held wand. Mom didn’t have a problem once she got in there, she even allowed Edna to wash her hair, but the idea of it just turned her sideways. She would ask every time “can’t we just scrub up today?”. Edna usually made her shower twice a week, but let her “scrub up” the rest of the time. Mom wasn’t good with personal hygiene, and Edna didn’t want her to be smelly.
Just found this part of the forum. My mother, 91, has rapidly deteriorating vascular dementia, literally worse every week. She also had a stroke a few years back that affected word retrieval mainly, and has continuous afib treated with Coumadin. high bp, bad arthritis. She is extremely out of breath while walking.
She is in a nice assisted living facility, but doesn’t use the aide for much. I have gradually taken over aspects of her life, had rehab take away driving, took over medication (I did it and now it is managed by the facility but I supervise!), now doing all her financial dealings (getting P of A), got MOLST done, helping with hygiene, laundry etc. and trying to get her to exercise a little.
I know it is not as advanced as some here but she cannot remember something in the space it takes for me to walk to the door, calls me 10 times a day, and her needs took 9 hours of my time yesterday. I am committed to her and at the same time am trying to keep doing my art class, Tai Chi and seeing friends. Turned down a job last week (I am 67).
I welcome advice or just reading about others’ experiences. Thanks.
welcome, compmom. Wish you weren’t here as it is a painful place, although knowing there are others in the same boat helped me immensely. My Mom had vascular dementia, too. At your Mom’s point, can you articulate what benefit the meds are bringing her? I was really happy I stopped mom’s coumadin; she had a pacemaker helping with the afib and I think she felt a lot better when she got off it… lived 3 years off it so no it isn’t bad to stop.
Sounds like your mom is really ready for Memory care where the people do a lot more for people and have more aides.
Read back and you will see every kind of coping plan… move to your house to never stopping in to the assisted living more than once a month (my case). Whatever works for you and the rest of your family.
{hugs} it is tough.
Thanks! I will read through the thread
Because of rapid recent changes in my mother’s mental status, and to some extent physical, I have had a lawyer draw up a P of A for me and/or my brother, and also just did a MOLST.
I went over it with my mother and my brothers and the nurses and doc, and ended up checking no for CPR, artificial ventilation and feeding, no to dialysis, no to artificial hydration except short term only, and CPAP was the big question.
I ended up checking yes to CPAP but have not finalized the form and wonder what others have put down.
She also can still transfer to a hospital because assisted living sends her there for everything. I have started substituting urgent care which they don’t like but it is less likely to lead to hospitalization and takes 2 hours versus 8.
When she is clearly closer to dying we will change CPAP and transfer to hospital answers.
Another question. I wonder at what point assisted living places insist on moving residents to memory care?
Has anyone decided against that and taken their parent home instead? I know that is the reverse of the usual but I just can’t stand the thought of my mother in the memory care unit. I will not be able to hang out with her as before. And it is so expensive too! I am in my late 60’s and am still helping one of my kids with her health issues (and I am still taking my breast cancer pill) so I need to be careful of myself, but still, this idea of getting an apartment with her keeps coming up in my head.
Welcome @compmom, for my dad, 82 but late stage Alzheimer’s, I put no to everything, including hydration or transfer to hospital. I put “maybe” for antibiotics but only if he is a health risk to others (for example cough or GI infection). About 6 months ago I had the option of moving both parents (mom moderate dementia) to memory care 35 minutes away from my house. I decided instead to put them in a personal care home with 6 residents a mile from my house. I found about this model of care from this board and googles “family care home.” Also called board and care. It is less expensive than memory care but since my parents bought in to a CCRC, it is the same price. But, like you, I could not bear to not see them frequently. Since I work full time, 35 minutes each way was a lot for me.
I am getting tired by driving 30 minutes each way! Nurses call me to bring over cough medicine, things like that, too. I am considering moving closer . There IS a smaller residential place close to where she is now. Hmmm. I’ll look into that.
She is not ready yet for the “no transfer to hospital.” If she is no longer able to do the MOLST I can do a new one as her proxy and also have P of A.
What I saw with my dad’s wife was that board and care was really good because they got a great place. My aunt lived, bedridden for years in a super great place, with never a bed sore. Then the lady running it was killed in a car crash and my aunt had to move and died very quickly (sometimes change causes rapid decline, too). At the last year, I had hospice come and help so that mom would not have to go to the hospital.
Your state will vary, but I moved Mom from AL to Memory care after she had the flu and then forgot to eat. The staff at the AL place didn’t figure it out.
@compmom, another welcome to you. The last couple of years of my dad’s life were overwhelming for me, and it’s only in retrospect that I can see how his needs were accelerating. He (increasing physical needs and some mental slipping but no dementia) and my stepmother (accelerating dementia) stayed in their home an hour from my modest apartment in Brooklyn, with her far-away son providing funds from an inheritance she had to pay for aides. During the final 8 months, she had live-in aides but the whole thing only worked because I drove there to go food shopping for them and for the aides, and handle a zillion other things that came up.
My daughter was still in high school and there was no talk of us moving anywhere. There’s just no way I could have dealt with living with them. But it was hard, hard, hard!
Good luck to you in your journey and I hope you find some comfort here. I know I certainly did.
Welcome @compmom!
It still amazes me how much time it takes to manage another adult’s life. You just never think about that (or at least I didn’t) until it happens in your own family.
Noone understands! I spent 9 hours yesterday. Legal and financial stuff mainly, along with hygiene ugh.
Am establishing “boundaries” for myself as this progresses rapidly. I do art and Tai Chi to keep myself balanced.
I noticed my heart racing the last couple of days with the increased demands so finding a thread like this was helpful. Have a call in to elder services regarding a support group. I’m not that much of a groupy person but the best information comes from others in the same position.