Condolences, @mykidsgranny.
I’m sorry for your loss @mykidsgranny. You were such a devoted daughter to your mom.
So sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry @mykidsgranny.
What a journey you have had, MKG, hope the happy memories of your Mom plus the knowledge that you did so much for her, can positively sustain you.
So sorry @mykidsgranny, even though I’m sure you saw this coming it can never be easy.
So sorry for your loss, mykidsgranny. You did the very best for her.
So very sorry @mykidsgranny.
Your strength and fortitude on her behalf is admirable.
Take care of yourself now.
Thanks to all of you for your support.
@mykidsgranny I’ve been following this thread even though I haven’t posted. Your journey has been very helpful to me and to others.
Peace and condolences to you. I’m sorry for your loss. You are a good and loving daughter.
@mykidsgranny, so sorry for your loss. May your mother’s memory be a blessing.
MKG may happy memories sustain you through, and may your mom have perpetual light shine on her and rest in peace. Peace and blessing passing onto you.
@mykidsgranny so sorry!
So my Dad’s Memory Care was owned by Leisure Care and then Atria took over January 1st. A couple weeks ago the Memory Care unit got a new manager. She is young and energetic and definitely more communicative. My dad has refused to shower for the last couple years and finally several months ago they started to insist/assist him. The last week twice I got calls that he hit a staff member during bathing. The call goes something like: “per our policy we need to call and tel you…” I don’t know if he has been hitting for a while, and this is just a new policy to call, or if this is a new behavior, or if they are setting up to kick him out? I will stop by today. Do I mention it to him? Scold him?
@tx5athome If he is of harm to himself or someone else - and they probably want to see if he will ‘settle down’, the facility may need to have him go somewhere for a ‘psych adjustment’. Getting to where this behavior won’t continue.
The facility may have some experience with how to handle his combative behavior…redirecting him.
Your dad needs to be told that he is NOT to harm his caretakers, no hitting pinching biting…is he properly medicated? Maybe some anti-anxiety medication just prior to shower time…
@tx5athome My dad had some hitting behaviors At the big CCRC, when they were at independent living and with a caretaker, they insisted I bring him to the ER when he hit an aide. At the personal care home, he was combative for a day or 2 but they were able to settle with behavioral techniques plus meds.
Because it might be helpful for others, here are the ones we have tried and are working on: risperidol which was changed to Seroquel. Ativan .5 has now moved to scheduled and increased to 1 mg. We are working on adjusting both the Seroquel and Ativan dosage as my dad is restless and agitated beginning around 2 and need 1:1 attention until bedtime. He is a handful despite the staff using all the behavioral tricks up their sleeve. I know as I am there every day or 2.
I do worry he may be kicked out 
but I think memory care will be less likely to manage him and I worry they will then send him to the psychiatric facility (the lockdown we call it). Right now, I am encouraging them to medicate with whatever is needed.
Where my mom was, I made friends with some of the aides. They told me that they got hit, bitten, scratched, kicked, every night when they started putting the patients to bed. They told it as if it were just an every day thing.
Thanks for the advice. My guess is that they complain about bathing him because he resists so the new manager is now insisting that they document his resistance. I think that it isn’t new. My sister and I both went to see him this weekend and told him that he needs to be nice. He is on risperidone with a touch for Seroquel (quetiapine) and some Ativan (lorazepam) as needed prior to bathing, etc… The problem is that he has become increasingly unsteady, so it is a risk vs risk sort of thing. His doctor feels like he is deteriorating very quickly physically, and suspects something else is going on in addition to the dementia. She is going to do a few tests that can be done where he is. She wanted to do a colonoscopy and we said absolutely not. In the meantime she ordered some physical therapy, which he really enjoyed last year.
@tx5athome we have the same problem with my dad’s meds. As we increase the meds, he becomes more unsteady and we worry about safety.
What would the point be of doing tests such as a colonoscopy? What would they do with the results?
Unneeded tests should NOT be done, just because they CAN be, especially if invasive and aggressive treatment would be inappropriate and cause unneeded pain with little to no upside.
Not sure about the tests in this case, but with my mom they did some tests because she kept getting anemic and the doctor was concerned she had some internal bleeding that wasn’t being taken into account. They never found anything, but it made sense to look. If you find something, that can help determine what (palliative or curative) treatments might help with the new symptoms.
But then she has it all together cognitively, and could tell something was off. With patients that aren’t quite as in touch with changes in their health, sometimes tests can still help the doctors know whether to treat causes or symptoms. It’s so hard when you have multiple failure modes on top of each other.