@compmom I sympathize with your dilemma. I imagine other residents may also have some effects from more than one pub drink, and the community is trying to follow through on the overall population, or maybe also be in compliance with other centers owned along with this facility.
Good luck with the drama settling down and peace with your mom.
The issue apparently is that they are not legally allowed to sell liquor- no liquor license- and were taking “donations.” This is a longstanding way they have offered the “pub.” Not sure what sparked the change but it is legal, I heard.
My mother’s friend just called me to tell me that my mother snuck into her room while she was out and took some alcohol. The friend doesn’t mind but wanted me to know. Aides were watching my mother sometime around then, as well, the friend said.
I see no good end to this.
Despite her memory issues she has old friends there, and a group of 6 sit together every night. Her friend said they have a lot of fun even if my mother can’t remember things well.
She would forget all about gin if it wasn’t in the environment, but taking her away from her friends would be a huge negative, so between a rock and a hard place here.
The state of Wisconsin has just issued the updated average nursing home private pay rate, which the state uses to compute various Medicaid-related dollar amounts. The rate is useful for the public, to get an idea of how much money people should be setting aside for long-term-care planning. The new daily rate is $286.15; the new monthly rate is $8,703.73. Wisconsin has relatively high costs but not the highest in the United States.
Yes, HI has very high rates. One of our friends is paying $10k/month for his wife’s care—for over 5 years! My loved ones will have to pay over $15k/person/month! Yikes!
My mother paid $7300/mo for the memory care unit she was in. She started out at $6750, but we moved her to a larger room. She was only there for a month and a half. I don’t know what the AL part of the facility is, but it is one of the nicer ones in the area.
Wow @mykidsgranny, such a vast regional difference in prices. Most of the nicer and better staffed memory care units in the CT/NY area are about $15,000!
My Dad’s Memory Care in Newport Beach CA is about $5200/month. It is quite nice. He has his own room but shares a bathroom. The facility has Senior Living, Assisted Living and Memory Care. If his care level increases it will be more expensive.
In OC, CA had my in laws gone to the nursing care unit of the AL it would have been around $9k monthly, the board and care homes were about $3500 & $4500. The higher rate was based on more services. I have been surprised in my small town to not find anything similarly priced when checking for a back up plan for my mother. The few board & care homes I’ve found have started at $5k
Personal care home (board and care) for my folks is $4900/mo each, $5900 if they were each in a private room. This is where I get a discount for two parents :). Memory care is twice that, but my parents are still a member of their CCRC so they would be paying what they are now as per the deal from CCRC. I do second guess myself a lot. I think assisted living is less expensive, but the nice thing about he board and care is I’m not nickel and dimed like you are at assisted living. All the dressing, bathing, and eating assistance is part of the price. I am in North Carolina.
My folks pay about $9000/month for a 2 BR apartment. That includes 1 hour of care a day for dad, zero for mom. Every time I mention where my folks live, people tell me, “Oh I’ve heard that’s expensive” and it is. But it’s not like it’s the Taj Mahal or anything. I can’t imagine how people do this without resources or insurance settlements/LTC.
This scares the cr$#@ out of me. My dad has nothing like the prices y’all are discussing. He says he’s going to leave the house in a box, never mind what that would cost my sister who lives nearby (and cannot afford to quit). Hope the VA has room if he needs it. My sibs can’t contribute to CCRC/AL/etc.
Yes, costs are crazy high! Sorry, but they are. The tough thing is that they may need significant care for years with very little memory, so they may need increasing help. My relatives are both not to enfeebled physically but have pretty much NO short term memory. We are grateful they at least recognize everyone, for now.
Yes, costs are high, but to put it in perspective, my parents are not paying for food, rent, utilities, property taxes,car…Expenses we often discount as they are a “given.” The additional personal care help doesn’t seem enough, and we know it isn’t enough, to compensate caregivers. After seeing this close hand, I know that I will have to plan to double or triple my expenses after a certain age. Therefore, I will keep on working, at least part time, and save my retirement money for long-term care if needed.
@CountingDown we thought my in-laws didn’t have the money for assisted living. But with social security, veteran benefits (a little known benefit for those who served even a short time in the military. FIL was a WWII vet), and the sale of their house, we made it work for the time they needed.
My dad lives on about half of what AL costs ($71,500) in his area. His sole income is SS and a military pension. His house will sell for about $100k. There’s a small IRA (<$40k) that he uses for property tax and any major house expenses (and the house will need lots of work to go on the market). No other assets. It’s scary.
In case it helps anyone, generally, after an application process, Medicaid will cover skilled nursing facility care for people who meet their standard of limited resources and qualify for that level of care. It typically works that the resident pays most of their Social Security payment to the facility and Medicaid covers the rest. The resident is allowed to retain a certain amount monthly for incidentals (around $75). This is not a hardship, as nursing homes provide much more than most ALs (diapers, toiletries, local phone, basic tv, etc, bandaids, laundry, etc,)
For many, it is the time in between starting assisted living and skilled nursing that poses the greatest economic challenge. Some ALs qualify for low income/assets payment help in some states, as they offer the required level of nursing services. This may be through a separate state run program that provides aid for elder residents. It may also allow for state subsidized health care supplemental coverage. As part of an effort to allow elders to remain at home as long as possible, some areas have made a commitment for low income elders to have access to daily activity programs, accompanied by onsite medical care and monitoring.
It can be worthwhile to consult with a geriatric care specialist or geriatric care manager (often an MSW or nurse practitioner familiar with local options, as well as financial resources) before a crisis to understand what resources may be available. Local Councils on Aging may also have information sessions or designated staff to address questions. While it is all challenging, there may be sources of help that are not immediately obvious. If you anticipate that your relative will need some form of subsidized help going forward, learning what information is likely to be required for the application and gathering access to it can be a huge help when the time comes.
Best to everyone. It takes a lot of “everything” to see loved ones through this phase of life.
@CountingDown Everyone is different, but for someone like your dad, the VA benefits, since your dad was in the military, can cover the gap between what he can afford and the cost of the AL. At least that is what happened for my in-laws. They kept the approx 30K in savings. We sold the house which needed a lot of work cheaply “as is.” The VA covered the gap between their income and the cost of assisted living.
From the reading I’ve done, he would not be at the top of the list for VA services, and services are not always available. The scorn he has for his sister’s family, who have Aunt T in a very nice AL after she fell and hit her head pushing a 64 gallon trash can up her driveway, is loud and palpable. OTOH, he can’t praise one of my cousins enough for taking her mom into her home (my dad’s other sister). Both women are in their late 80s and in very good health.
He took care of my mom, who was 100% bedridden, for ten years, and did the same for his MIL and SIL. For several years, he was caring for all three. (he’s a retired surgical nurse) He refuses to spend money on medical assistance (he refused a rehab facility or at-home PT after a knee replacement and lives in a split level that requires six steps up or town (and three steps out the front door, without a rail – he refused to let me get one installed). Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn.
Sorry for the vent.
OTOH, my FIL broke his C1 & C2 vertebrae (yes, THAT high up) six weeks ago and they have not healed. He is having fusion surgery today. DH saw him Wednesday on the way to NYC for work and said his dad is his usual happy and content despite the injury. I will probably go up and talk to FIL next week about family pics and history. He’ll be thrilled to have an audience willing to listen, and it will help my geneological research.
My first husband died recently from ALS. He was in the Air Force for, as I usually phrase it, about 30 minutes; he always told me that something happened to his knee, but his cousin told me that he just couldn’t stand being away from his mommy that long. I don’t know, and will never know why he was discharged but as soon as he turned 65, he applied for Veterans’ benefits. He didn’t believe in holding down a job; managed to go through three wives and a live-in, so had no income. The VA treated him like a king! He went to live in what is probably a board and care home or something close; the VA modified the house for his electric wheelchair. They took him on a cruise, and because he had never skiied (hey, neither have I) they took him to Vail and somebody skiiied down a mountain with him on a sled beside them.
I see homeless wounded Vets on the streets and wonder how this man managed what he did. I will never understand.
Well my older sib is FINALLY starting to realize that dad simply cannot do what sib blithely assumed dad can do. Everyone else has understood this weeks ago, if not longer.
@Hoggirl Have you been to graduation yet, how did it go?