Just saw and heard on the news: the majority of adult children of elderly parents think their parents are not susceptible to scams, even though many elderly people fall prey to such scams. This doesn’t mean everyone will fall prey, but one shouldn’t assume one’s parents are smarter or less vulnerable than they are.
The thing that helps limit my folks’ exposure to scams is that they now have low credit limits on their few credit cards and my brother oversees those CCs for all activity. Living in a SR community in an independent unit, all packages sent to that address (which pretty much no one has) is refused, so they don’t get junk sent. Their old address has mail forwarded to the office which reviews & tosses all scam stuff and handles all bills.
I hate that elderly and vulnerable are preyed upon! It’s wrong on all levels but will continue as long as it is profitable and sadly it is.
My sister just took dad to the internist who tried to get dad to take Prevnar 13 as well as the Shingrix vaccine. Fortunately I KNOW I took him and mom and my H and I to all get both shots. The Prevnar 13 was 2/2015 and Shingrix was Feb & April of 2018. We had pharmacy send the information to the MD office when it was done but they say they don’t have a record (their recordkeeping is pretty scary). Oh well, at least that is averted and we know exactly which pharmacy was involved.
Oh yeah, internist also wants more chest X-rays, on top of the one he had done before this visit (before another round of antibiotics) and after I get another X-ray on 6/25 before having a visit with lung doc in 6/26.
I have gotten lung doc to agree to CC internist and confer on whether yet another X-ray is really needed, provided 6/26 is clear X-ray.
I’m getting weary of MDs and taking the folks to appointments and sorting out if any recommendations are important. Even if sibs take the folks we still have to make sure the recommendations make sense.
So glad I spared dad unneeded duplicative shots but really the MD office and pharmacy should have caught that! I always ask the pharmacy to fax to MD office but either that’s not happening or MD office isn’t inputting data properly, or both. 
OK, so one more trip to pharmacy to get a refund for being overcharged for the Rx that between the pharmacy and Medicare and insurance none of them can figure out how to charge, even though the insurance coverages are VERY common around here and the medication is also commonly prescribed to SRs who on Medicare. I really like the pharmacy, but this is getting old.
Wow, it took 4 family members to get my elder to the cardiologist who says to keep doing what is being done, isn’t making any changes at all but still wants the elder to go and see the internist again (who also didn’t make any changes or prescribe any treatment) and also wants the elder to return to see the cardiologist for another visit.
One Tuesday, only H and I are supposed to take the elder and go and see the lung doc, the only doctor who IS having treatments for the elder. Of course, everyone wants this lung doc to come up with the miracle CPAP mask that is so comfortable the elder will actually wear it but no one will come and no one will help coax him to wear it. Okaaaayyyyy, yes, everyone agrees it’s a good idea but none of you who have been prescribed it will wear it or encourage the elder to wear it. Gee, I wonder why he’s not wearing it. We’ve been hearing the same thing EVERY appointment–elder promises lung doc to wear CPAP but never does–where are the helpers to help him put it on and help him be successful? Oh yea, waiting for the miracle COMFORTABLE mask.
@HImom, we arrived at a similar point with both my mother and aunt with multiple MD visits. Both of them were as stable as they were going to be. I had a lengthy discussion with their PMD who agreed to consult with the other MD’s and he wrote prescriptions for all. It was agreed they would only see the specialty MD’s if their was a change in condition that he was not comfortable with. It worked out very well. Their care was managed by one person, visits were minimal and everyone was happy.
I will have to see if any of these MDs is willing to be the lead MD and consult with the others. Will try to make it the lung doc because at least he has a staff member who will call me back! He is making the most changes in Rx anyway.
@lookingforward - thanks for asking! Ds graduated on Sunday. We did survive with no incidents! Hooray! We absolutely could not have made it without the golf cart. No way, no how. It allowed us to get around on campus all day on Saturday and tour and see so much more than we otherwise could have. There is NO WAY he could have walked between the stadium and the diploma ceremony in the allotted time on Sunday either. While fil was not as complaining as I expected, he was also lacking in expressing much gratitude for all we did for them - paid for three nights’ hotel, all but one meal (and the Saturday evening meal the night before graduation was rather spend-y, too), put wine/beer/snacks in their room, and the golf cart rental. We also ferried them around in our rental car everywhere. After 30 years, one would think I would have learned that he will NEVER express appreciation. He is very entitled. They only had to get from the airport to the hotel (they did not arrive in time for PBK initiation on Friday night). I was very proud of mil for figuring out how to Uber! Mil was extremely gracious and expressed MUCH appreciation. Undoubtedly, to try and make up for his lack thereof.
Fil DID bring a cane which he mostly used. He did his best to hide it in any photos we took. Put it behind his back. Both dh and I thought he was much more confident walking with it. Unfortunately, he also used it for pointing and giving orders - e.g. - “Which one of you is best at taking pictures?” (As he pointed it at a group of graduates when we needed a group photo of all of us). We all had to dodge his waving it about over the weekend. Thankfully, the weather was PERFECT! Overcast in the stadium during the main ceremony and around 73 degrees (it was 96 degrees in Palo Alto today!!). He refused the wheelchair shuttle offered to him at the stadium (which was fine). We got them situated in the limited mobility seating and then sat elsewhere.
I absolutely think ds was glad they were there, so that made all the effort worth it to me. Dh took the in-laws to the airport early Monday morning and then we went with ds and his car and our rental car and all his crapola to L.A. to put everything in storage for the summer. Dh and I then drove to Las Vegas for three nights of much-needed R&R. Ds is spending the summer traveling SE Asia before starting his job in L.A. in September. We arrived home late last night.
Fil had his shunt placed on Wednesday. Was released from the hospital on Thursday. I think the recovery has been MUCH harder than he anticipated. They aren’t the best at revealing everything, but I think there were issues with the placement of the catheter during surgery. Mil and I have a mutual friend, and mutual friend is feeding me info that I am not getting from mil. Dh does not know that I am getting this info from mutual friend. I have sworn to mutual friend not to reveal - I don’t want my source to dry up. Fil is apparently experiencing 100% incontinence. Refuses Depends. Taking Flomax. Carpeting in bedroom ruined by orange stains. I’m assuming the same for the mattress. Mutual friend said fil had a kidney stone a few years back. This was never revealed to us either. I think fil previously took something for an enlarged prostate but quit taking the prescription for that. I KNOW he quit taking the prescription for his cholesterol. Very prideful about taking NO medications whatsoever. My understanding is that they hope to see a urologist soon. Of course, it is the weekend. Mutual friend said that mil said he was having some incontinence before the surgery (it is a symptom of the NPH - I had read that but had not asked), but NOTHING like what he is experiencing now. Hopefully, that issue will be resolved. If anyone knows anything about this issue, I would appreciate any information.
Our understanding is that fil’s gait/stride is better, but that his balance is a bit worse. Not sure if that is a lingering issue from the anesthesia or what???
So, that is my report! Thank you all for your support during the stressful lead-up time to commencement!
Dh is contemplating whether he needs to make a trip to visit. Based on what they are sharing, it doesn’t seem necessary. Based on what has been revealed to me via mutual friend, I think dh needs to get up there.
@Hoggirl glad you made it through with the elders, but most of all, that you were able to enjoy your son’s milestones. Congrats! And a hug.
Congrats @Hoggirl that you and your clan survived and celebrated your DS’ graduation! Excellent!
At this point, my confidence in the primary MD is the lowest it’s been in the decades we have had him. He and his office do not keep decent records and wanted shots to be duplicated, don’t answer the phone or return phone calls, insist the problems are primarily cardiac, and keep wanting countless X-rays and more and more visits and re-visits. The patient is 93 and has chronic heart and lung issues that are pretty much NOT improving. How much continuous appointments make sense?
They don’t, if he’s comfortable. Earlier, you said each doc is referring to each other. Not uncommon, but I sometimes see it as serial passing the buck. As you say, it leaves you without one solid resource to lean on for overseeing.
I think mixed up med records are a pretty big sign to change something.
On another note, my doc of 25+ year is retiring. My two replacement choices in the practice are brand new docs. This puts me in a freak and I’m still young (ish.)
Yay for friends who spy for you! My FIL covered up so much! It was thanks to his friends that we knew anything.
Yeah, I see it as passing the buck too. I also see mixed up and incomplete medical records and not returning pharmacy phone calls as huge red flags. On the other hand, not easy to switch doctors when patients are elderly and used to a MD for many, many decades.
I will let my sibs take the elders if they see value in it. Frankly, I don’t. I take them where I feel there is a reason (lung doc for breathing issues) and that’s it.
@HImom unfortunately, the medical records is more of a symptom of our disjointed medical system and universal. if you switch, you may find the same thing. The pharmacy has it’s own electronic record and the medical clinic has theirs. Once the paper get’s faxed (often doesn’t make it) it needs to be scanned. The scanner needs to mark it as done (seems easy but not) and if scanned into chart, no section of scanned forms besides the section in which everything else is scanned and that immunization, is then hard to find with the other documents.
As to the visit, I agree, fewer visits are best. But, if your primary is filling medications, the primary needs to see him every so often. It seems a good time to talk about goals of care with the primary? This would be things such as code status and any life saving interventions. If your family or dad say “we want everything done,” your primary is obligated to have frequent visits to prevent crisis and decline as much as possible. Yes, he probably isn’t doing anything at the visit, but those kind of visits are frequently so the doctor can see if the patient is stable or if anything needs to be “tweaked.”
You’re right @GTalum, it is indeed that the record keeping systems don’t mesh nicely. It is a problem that his office is very difficult to reach, even for the pharmacy to get callbacks, though. I guess it’s just very different from what H or I would want in terms of medical care
Yeah,I have driven to appear in person at my mother’s doctor’s office to finally get them to fill a prescription, correct a mistake etc. The phones are hopeless and everything is done at glacial speed if at all. But the doctor himself is great with her and she likes him so…
Even my mother can sometimes understand that most everything done in medicine is based on liability fears. I told her I was so proud of her a couple of years ago (when she was more sharp) then she was in the ER and declined a CT “Just in case it is a dissected aorta.”
It is fine to decline things. Then their offer of a test or shot or procedure or x-ray or whatever is on record and so is the decline. No liability fears and everyone can move on.
The trick for us to figure out which ones to decline.
@compmom I just decline everything. No ER for mom and dad unless they need pain management for something. But, everyone is in a different place. It’s not just liability fears. We don’t want to make a mistake or miss something if the goals of care are unclear. Mom ran out of her BP medication since there was some mix up with mail order and local pharmacy that I couldn’t figure out. I asked them to just discontinue the medication. Her blood pressure has been fine without it.
When a Health Insurer Also Wants to Be a Hospice Company
Humana is teaming up with two investment firms to become the nation’s largest provider of hospice care, dominating a rapidly growing — and controversial — business.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/22/health/hospice-humana-private-equity.html
Breathing Tubes Fail to Save Many Older Patients
One-third of patients over age 65 die in the hospital after they are put on ventilators. Doctors are beginning to wonder if the procedure should be used so often.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/22/health/breathing-tubes-intubation-older-patients.html