I feel the pull @Aekmom . I want to make the holidays special for my daughter and staying true to our traditions as well as including my parents. My internal compromise is to do our traditional xmas after the fact when we are back at our house. Thankfully she’s old enough that not celebrating xmas on the 25th isn’t the end of the world. I think we’ll be missing our old church family though 
This will be our first holiday season without my mother. If my son-in-law could get that Friday off, I’d love to take a short family trip over the weekend, but I’m not sure the grandchildren could survive without the traditions and the leftovers. Two of them are in their 20’s but still live at home and are very much into the family holiday traditions.
I still read here and pray for those of you who are going through a lot of what I went through.
My mother has been having right sided abdominal pains which she continually dismisses as “gas.” but calls nurses in her AL overnight and during the day for pain relief. I took her to the doctor twice in 5 days and finally took her to the ER last night. Radiologist reading CT scan: large, contained, colonic neoplasm", perforation of colon has walled over so no immediate danger, but clearly most likely a cancer that has spread through the pelvis.
This may explain the downward spiral we have seen over the last month.
Coumadin makes procedures iffy but if they take her off for long enough, she will have a stroke (as she did a few years ago). We are resisting in favor of common sense diagnosis and pain relief for now and seeking advice at an urban teaching hospital this week.
Anyone have experience with this?
No experience, no advice, but (((((hugs))))), @compmom.
@compmom, no experience with this problem but sending big {{HUGS}}.
@compmom, I am sorry to hear about this, perhaps check into palliative care which is all about being comfortable, even when not terminal (hospice)
Had a perforation, but not the neoplasm or any scar tissue that had built. At this point, you need the further consult and perhaps more testing. At her age, I’d hope for treatment that’s non-invasive. If it’s not cancer, the risk of a perforation is infection, possibly peritonitis and possibly sepsis. So much depends on getting more detail. Yes, it’s painful. So sorry, compmom.
Alcohol is a problem.
Costly Rehab for the Dying Is on the Rise at Nursing Homes
Patients near death are increasingly getting high levels of physical, occupational and speech therapy, raising questions about the true purpose of such services.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/12/business/nursing-home-residents-rehabilitation-therapy.html
Depending on age, overall health, and preferred TX method - what would work out best for her QOL and best medical care for her situation.
If infection, ABT (antibiotic treatment).
Best wishes and prayers for the right TX and good comfort care @compmom.
Many ‘hospitalists’ are very abrupt with end of life in hospital - both to the patient and the family. Best with private MDs/specialist MDs.
My mom was treated with IV ABT for 3 hospital days for what they believed was infected gall bladder; she went home on a Thursday with Hospice and died on the following Monday. She had dementia. It was clear at home she was dying. IMHO she died a good death and with a smile and glow on her face.
Sorry I meant experience with going off Coumadin and getting back on.
My mother is on antibiotics by IV, and fasting/clear liquids only to clear her out and treat any possible diverticulitis (I doubt it). We are taking her to a more sophisticated urban hospital to access non-invasive diagnostic methods due to the Coumadin making sigmoidoscopy dangerous (more the stroke risk from being off it).
If we know it is cancer, and we know it is spread, we don’t need to endanger her to get details.
I worked with hospice for a little while and know that will bring more help than she has now (and help for me).
So yeah just wondering if anyone has an elderly parent who went off Coumadin for surgery and didn’t have a stroke. Because the last time, my mother DID have one.
At this point going to say a definitive no to the procedure /
Best of luck @compmom finding answers. Neither parent is on Coumadin but I do know, stopping Coumadin is no longer necessary for colonoscopies according to guidelines, but many GI doctors continue to insist. But, I am clear that for my mom, if she was to have such an issue, I would enroll her in hospice for comfort care. Getting an accurate diagnosis would not necessary. There would be no procedures, or even IV antibiotics. Hospice can actually come to the AL for an extra level of support at the AL facility.
For someone with a big active infection, denying IV antibiotics is almost like no food or water. For someone in a very weak state and pneumonia, maybe comfort care would be indicated. It sounds like this lady should be evaluated to find out what really is going on, or best medical estimation based on tests that can be safely done.
@compmom I wonder if my grandma has something similar to what you describe. She keeps complaining of stomach and back pains. The docs did X-rays and a catscan or mri, not sure which. They said they didn’t see anything. My grandma never complains but swears she hurts so bad. The docs say it has pockets from her not being regular. We are at our wits end trying to see what’s going on and she is driving her older sister , 92 crazy.
@SOSConcern yes, denying antibiotics would be an end of life decision. I am clear what my mother’s wishes were before severe dementia and I believe such matters should be decided on a case by case basis. I would not judge anyone for making such a difficult decision either way. I was just sharing what my decision would be at this point of time for my particular parent. I am not giving advice, just sharing.
Not just antibiotics. The pain can be severe. I don’t think diverticulosis is always painful. But more serious can be, or diverticulitis. The thought about testing is to get a read on what this is and how to treat the pain, diet changes, eg. Cancer is it’s own diagnosis, prognosis and palliative direction. Diverticula issues would be different.
We wish her some good solution.
@compmom so sorry to hear of your mom’s dx and her pain. Are you taking her to a teaching hospital to get a more complete assessment and and diagnosis? Just a word of caution, teaching hospitals exist to provide their med students and interns places to learn, so often times will push testing and treatment. At some point in this journey, take a step back and assess if you allow further testing, would you then treat what was found? Especially due to the large neoplasm in her colon. You may wish to speak with someone regarding pain management and palliative care. We are all with you in spirit, sending prayers, hugs and support.
@GTalum My mother and I have had the same conversation, as I have had with my kids, I feel strongly that once the mind is gone we should not be fighting to keep the body alive. Yes, to comfort care, but no to the fight to stay alive. But that’s just me, many people feel strongly about it in the opposite direction.
Party of 5 a scan would probably show something. There are alll kinds of reasons for pain. I have already asked for palliative care. The issue is Coumadin : keep it snd danger of bleeding with scope; eliminate it and there is danger of stroke. We have started process of second opinion with teaching hospital. Suburban surgeons also have many motives for procedures! One thing we WILL do is enemy test for perforation. All else is waiting . She thinks her AL is somewhere in the hospital at times!!
Yes @somemom I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I would let my mom be in pain. A woman at my parent’s care home had a perforated diverticula. She and her family made the decision to do no treatment and go to residential hospice care where she could get IV morphine.
I’m sorry about this situation, @compmom. Also sorry to report that my family’s one experience of a family member stopping coumadin before surgery did not end well; the surgery, a relatively minor procedure, was successful, but my dad had a massive stroke two days later, and the stroke and complications ended up killing him one month after that.