@rjm2018, we deal with so many things, errors and omissions, little and big, but so hard to move them too. Good luck hanging in there!
ps the facility gave 4mg of blood thinner when it was supposed to be 1mg- and it was a day and a half after a fall with major hit on the head. Net result is purple face and huge, hematoma over brow with skin so taut it shines. The egg on the brow had flattened considerably before the mistake, but who knows how much of an effect it had. Taking her to plastic surgeon for possible aspiration (maybe) tomorrow even though everyone told me there was nothing to do. They were giving her morphine for level 2 pain overnight (there are many per dien agency LPN’s who don’t know the story) which visibly increases fall risks. Had to step in and lower the dose of morphine to lowest possible and require a phone call to me first. Got 4 phone calls 3am to 5 am the other night. It just goes on and on. Oh-and her hospice aide doesn’t come on weekends but you’d think for $8k+ the assisted living aides might step in a Sat. or Sunday- nope. This is a well-regarded facility too.
Don’t want to sound too negative. There are some nurses I admire and like so much and I pitch in and volunteer with activities (Tai Chi and art). Good atmosphere, good food, imperfect system.
It took me a long time to stop trying for perfect for my mom. And to try not to get upset over errors like teeth in or out. MEDS on the other hand sent me into orbit over and over. Until hospice finally stopped them all … and Mom went on for another year and a half so maybe she didn’t really need them after all.
I’ve encouraged a few people I know in this painful place to just accept that if their parent is clean, mostly fed, and not hurting that the rest is gravy. Getting there is hard.
For moving, I don’t know that it is true that moving after the first major move is so traumatic except of course for getting to know everyone and training to their system. I wish I had moved my Mom MUCH sooner from AL to Memory Care. I hesitated because I thought it would be hard on her…but the care was so much better there and she didn’t even blink at the new location. Of course, she was at the point where she often got lost going back to her own apartment anyway, so every place was a new place every day. Anyway, my point is that I’ve seen many moves that were hard work on the family but not so much on the senior. So if you have to move someone, either for your convenience or for a better place for them, I’d tell you to go for it and the sooner the better. But that is me and my experience talking. YMMV.
The hospital has almost made med errors twice with my son this past month. Along with not giving him fluids or nutrition for 24 hours when he was catatonic. Plus one time a nurse not giving him the anti-anxiety med that keeps him out of catatonia because she thought he should take it orally. Uh, he was frigging catatonic! We were furious. We’re going to file a complaint once he gets out. A friend of mine said her MIL is a nurse and tells people they should hire a private nurse to watch over everything while they’re in the hospital.
My dad had my mom tested last week to see if they had recommendations about her driving. He and my sister were surprised when they said she shouldn’t drive at all! We didn’t think she was that bad yet. I think it’s slowly dawning on my dad that they need to move to their retirement facility sooner rather than later. He’s having to do almost everything these days.
My Dad has been in Memory Care for 2.5 years and still he struggles with bathing. They bathe him three times a week and he screams bloody murder every time. It takes three staff members to shower him. Sometimes he tries to hit, but doesn’t usually connect. But twice in the last few weeks he has hit a staff member. I feel so bad. In his mind he thinks they are beating him up and he needs to defend himself. I hope they don’t kick him out.
Bathing is so difficult for people with dementia. I’m so sorry @tx5athome! My mom hates to be bathed too but the staff figured out it’s her head that she hates to get wet. My dad pays for her to get her hair done at the facility’s beauty salon once/week. She loves going to the salon and doesn’t complain about that at all. The flip side is her hair is only washed once/week but at this point it isn’t worth the battle and stress.
The med error at the ILs AL was leaving fentanyl patches on FILs body. The ER found them and reported to the State for investigation and we also prompted an investigation at the AL. (There were people flying in from corporate within a day.) Regulators take med issues very, very seriously.
My mom got, and my ILs get, one shower per week unless there was/is a major accident that can’t be cleaned any other way. Bathing was too stressful for my mom and my ILs just don’t like it. (No one visits on shower day.) Health care providers were good with it, saying it’s better for the skin and reducing the anxiety and trauma was important. Something to think about, anyway.
They were showering my Dad once a week, and increased to twice and now three times a week because of the smell. When it is nice out he likes to sit outside, he also goes to the gym in the facility to work out on the machines as often as once a day (started by the physical therapist that visits twice a week, and now the staff take him as a treat). It is the only thing he really likes to do and he is now somewhat obsessive about it. Also he has had some sores on his body due to poor hygiene. There seem to be pros and cons to everything. I bought him some velcro New Balance for the gym and he loved them, but then refused to take them off (even tried to hit a staff who tried to take them off) and got horrible Athlete’s foot, so is back to Crocs. I wish I could hire a magic shower person to give the staff a break. But where does one find a magic shower person?
So many little old ladies from our parent’s generation used to just go to the beauty shop once a week anyway, I think once a week is fine for a shower unless they are sweaty like @tx5athome Dad.
I had a fairly serious ortho surgery and post-op my Dr forbid a shower for 6 weeks. It was overkill given the nature of my set-up at home. As I was in trouble going in to this second surgery, I complied and stayed clean with sponge baths.
No-rinse disposable wash cloths could be a godsend to reluctant bathers. There are all kinds of hacks for seniors and I found the old school pharmacies (not chains), knew them all.
My senior caring days are largely over. My hat is off to everyone here in the middle of it. You folks are remarkable.
My mom had a stroke on Saturday. It didn’t affect her physically but it did affect her memory and cognitive skills. In the ER she could not read and her word retrieval was impaired. She has improved a little now but does not think anything is wrong with her and doesn’t know why she is not home.
She does not know where she is, forgets every time we tell her she is in the hospital. She says she was “someplace else” for the last 2 days. She keeps saying her head is all mixed up.
My dad you may remember, has a brain injury himself. He does not understand where mom is, and is convinced she wants a divorce because she allowed this “separation.” He alternates between frantic and morose.
Today I had them talk to each other on the phone. Neither one knew where they were NOR where the other one was. It would be comical if it weren’t so traumatic for me. I have to laugh, it’s the only way I can keep myself getting up every morning!
Surfcity, sorry to hear of your mom’s stroke. Sounds familiar - after FIL’s stroke he never understood where he was in the rehab hospital or SNF. Kept thinking he was on a business trip or family reunion or church retreat - all times when he had stayed at motels. That’s what the rooms felt like to him, but he wanted to go home, and didn’t understand why he couldn’t. It was heartbreaking. I’m sorry you are dealing with it now.
@surfcity - so sorry. My FIL with dementia, goes off when MIL isn’t with him due to hospitalization. When one or the other is in hospital, he gets frantic, doesn’t know where she is, imagines a hospital upstairs from their apartment, etc.
