So sorry @GTalum!
So sorry, @GTalum, but glad you’ve been able to spend time with her.
Thinking of you and your family, @GTalum.
I’m so sorry, @GTalum. It is heartbreaking to watch that go on. I send you my best.
@GTalum my thoughts are with you in this difficult time. You are such a good daughter.
@GTalum best to you and yours.
@GTalum my mother is also quite restless, after several what we cal "manic-crazy’ days where she is active and restless and hallucinates, and just acts crazy, she then crashed and slept for 2-3 days; now she is up and down and up and down and up and down, asking the oddest of silly questions, falling, comes out of her room and then needs help back in. So bizarre.
Best wishes for a not-so-restless rest of the week.
@GTalum - I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.
Not that restless @somemom! She is to weak to even talk, much less be up and down and even attempt to getting up on her own to fall. Yesterday she had nothing to eat and drink and even refused mouth care.
@GTalum we are all thinking of you . . .difficult times 
I have decided that my parents do need to go to Memory Care, after hearing that from the ALF, OT, and psychologist. The MC unit in their current facility would not be a good fit for them, according to my outside, objective professional sources, despite the ALF wanting to move them right over. It is tempting because it would be an easy move and they would stay very close to me, but not if they would be (more) unhappy there. I don’t think they will be happy anywhere.
But my current question is, apparently I will need to label all clothing and shoes when the move to MC. Any tips on how to do this? Just take a sharpie and write on them? Also, they are not allowed to have any toiletries in their room at all, so any time they need lotion or toothpaste, etc a staff member brings it to them. That is NOT going to go over well with dad, who has diabetes related itching and has lotion on his nightstand to use all the time. I don’t think the folks who work in their eventual MC unit will be paid enough to listen to him 
Visiting 2 more places today - this will be the third move in 4 years.
@GTalum sending prayers and hugs.
@GTalum, sending virtual strength for this part of the journey. hugs.
@surfcity, You can label the clothes with a sharpie for all the good it does. Clothes, blankets, books will go missing without a doubt. Residents trade stuff, and laundry gets mixed up. I learned to just roll with it. But I always just used the sharpie.
Toiletries are locked up in all the places I’ve seen, but the memory care place my mom was at made sure that all the residents were out of their rooms for meals, and most stayed out and collected in the “living area” Beside the living area was the “nurses station” and beside that was the flavored water jug, the squirt hand sanitizer and a bottle of lotion. Since there was almost always someone near to monitor the use, the more with it residents could help themselves. Maybe look for a place that allows that.
I really preferred the board and care place where my dad’s wife finally ended up after she had moved from 3 different memory care places. The fewer people and more personal attention were a better fit for her. I know they can be hard to find, but sound like it might be good for your parents.
Sending you virtual hugs, too. you are doing the best you can and that is all you can do.
I agree with @esobay re:labeling clothing. I just use a sharpie, but that doesn’t mean items won’t disappear. I also found that I needed to relabel things after awhile because the ink fades in the facillity’s laundry.
There is a sharpie rub a dub type pen made for marking clothing that will be washed. It is sold beside the sharpies in most stores.
@surfcity - My H et al write names/room # on clothing with a laundry marker.
For my mom, we used an iron-on label. While the labels can be ordered already printed (like you’d do for camp, etc) we bought a blank tape that worked with our label maker and made them ourselves. They stayed on through all washing and drying. After she passed away, we were able to tear off the labels on the clothing that could be donated.
The clothing will still disappear from the AL/MC. FIL has lost several of his expensive compression socks despite them being labeled.
@GTalum - I hope for strength for you and your family. Such a difficult time. Peace.
Some facilities have where family can choose to do the laundry. Less disappears.
If you communicate with various staff/various shifts, and even leave some written instructions with charge nurse - the staff gets use to what needs and routines residents have. If you have a start with lots of involvement, and then back off as things are going along pretty well.
I did my mother’s laundry for many years to avoid the hassle of replacing items that disappeared. I also found that even laundry markers faded eventually in the facility’s laundry. I can’t imagine how harsh their detergent must be.
I agree with @esobay about the board and care. But a good one, especially for a couple, is hard to find. I looked out that my parent’s facility just opened when we were looking for a place for my parents. I feel for you @surfcity. Finding a new place is not for the faint of heart and you are such a good daughter to make sure they are in the right place and not accepting the easier option. I too did the difficult move by leaving their CCRC and going to the care home rather than memory care.
Thanks for all the good wishes everyone. Hospice has been very responsive and I came home tonight! Mainly though because dad is in the room and difficult for my to hang out at her bedside. Bluetooth speakers are great as she really enjoys music. Today she was unable to respond to questions with a head nod or mouth yes or no like she could yesterday. Plans are in place for dad–we have the hospice social worker, his primary, the facility nurse, and gero-psychiatry working on a plan of care. We hope his poor memory about even having a wife will be helpful.
I just returned from a week away (respite) while my mom was in a nursing home. It was such a nice break- something we all need to force ourselves to take. I visited my son and had a great time. Mom is back home now and we begin again…
Thanks psychomomma. I just made plans to go away for ten days to visit my daughter across the country and am nervous about leaving my mother, who is an AL but doesn’t accept much help. I might hire someone to come by. Last time I went away, I literally had one foot in the airplane when the AL called and said she was being sent to the hospital. I have a sibling who is nearby but he really doesn’t get it
So glad you got away.
GTAlum best wishes in your difficult situation.