Every time I change the colostomy, my mother asks if the stoma can be cut off. Since I am hovering over her for 10-15 minutes, I tend to explain what it is, and what surgery would be required, and so on. Well, this week when she asked if it could be cut off, I answered “Maybe!” And she burst out laughing, presumably because it was so unexpected! I now realize she is expressing an emotion, and that my explanations may even be soothing. She was completely disconcerted when I said “maybe.” I thought it would give her hope.
@compmom, I am glad you and your mom can have some connection, it has to help. Although it is tough to do and so discouraging, having that little bright moment will be a big deal someday.
My mom has been gone a long time, but she sure has been on my mind a lot lately. Probably because we are still in the middle of trying to sell her property and get out from under the estate. I think it was such a relief when she finally let go that I never unclenched and let go myself because it is sad to be glad she died. I need to work on being glad she was alive. Even at the end when she was non-verbal, she was still in there with her eyes twinkling.
@esobay this was downright eloquent: " because it is sad to be glad she died. I need to work on being glad she was alive" Thanks! And good luck with all the work on getting rid of the property…
Thanks, compmom!
I’d kept telling myself that it was natural to feel the relief I felt because she never would have wanted to know she was sitting around in diapers, unable to talk. But it still feels sort of … … icky I guess. Trying to reframe it.
We have 4 down, 2 to go on the properties, unfortunately she lived in a very depressed market. Tried to auction the farm and it didn’t go in the fall so we are repricing and trying again this spring.
My dad is in the hospital with UTI and pneumonia. They did tons of imaging and blood work and now have to figure out what to do next. I’m deferring to MD family members.
Phew, no UTI and with IV antibiotics, the pneumonia and lab tests are improving. More testing today.
My mom didn’t recognize my dad this past weekend. It’s the first time that’s happened. I’m bracing myself that she’ll not know me when I go down to visit next week.
She rarely comes to the phone anymore when I call. Either she’s sleeping or just won’t put the phone to her ear and gets upset. Hard for me being far away to not be able to hear her at least say “OK” (it’s one of the few words she’ll still say). I hate this disease.
My mom is staying with us while dad is in the hospital. She’s very confused about where he is and keeps worrying that he’s fretting about her. We keep reassuring her that he’s fine and being well cared for, but then she forgets again.
S is coming home to get out of the DC cold spell. He didn’t know his grandpa was in the hospital. He will arrive tomorrow or Wednesday to warm up. I’m sure both my folks will be happy to see him.
We all visit dad every day and a family member is usually with 24/7. We have mom visit him but as soon as we leave, she asks where he is and frets that he’s going to be looking for her.
I ordered a lift chair for my mother. It is arriving tomorrow. I will have to be there or she will send them away! I chose one with simple up and down buttons, but she doesn’t understand the concept yet. Just curious about others’ experiences with these chairs. I think they are pretty cool but don’t want my mother to fall because she forgets what it does!
@compmom, I got my mom not a lift chair, but an electric recliner because her feet were swelling. This was while she was in assisted living and after they put her in it and lifted her feet and they left … she would manage to crawl out of it without putting the foot down. I should have known better because she never did figure out how to / when to push the emergency alarm necklace thing. She didn’t fall from the chair though!
So glad I contacted my parents’ future home, the retirement facility in Austin. They are going to make a major exception for Dad, since he was on their Board of Directors, and let him move in with caretakers. The deal will be that if he needs more advanced care (assisted living or SNF), he will have to pay market rate, unless he can eventually dismiss the caregivers and make it “independently” for three years, in which case it wouldn’t cost any more. Such a relief.
We got a lift chair/electric recliner combo for Dad as soon as he got sick. He does try to “scoot” down without lowering the feet. It works well on 99% of the days when he is not super-agitated. But we also have a hospital bed that we use on days he is really agitated.
Dad’s oxygen levels have fallen so the advocate got him oxygen tanks. He needs to be tested by the home nursing people so that Medicare will cover the cost. I’m afraid the fluid around his lungs is collecting again. 
Yeah, my dad has fluid around his lungs—they just drained nearly a liter and he is having trouble breathing.
Yay got a functioning newer battery from Apria.
Sorry dads having so much trouble breathing.
So sorry to hear all these updates that exhaust and worry you all. @HImom I noticed that when my mom is in the hospital, my dad is the one who causes me more work and mental distress because he can’t always recall where she is or that she is in good hands. He’s worried that she’s scared, in pain etc.
@MaineLonghorn I feel for you too. It’s such a rollercoaster. Just when you think things stabilize, they change again.
We had a lift chair for my dad and it was invaluable. However, in the later stages of Parkinson’s he couldn’t operate it at all, someone always had to do it for him. It was part and parcel of the disease though, he also had to be told each and every time how to use the walker. Parkinson’s, the gift the keeps on giving!
Ugh, got a very concerning report from the advocate. Mom’s dementia has gotten markedly worse recently. Dad is not doing great, either. The advocate feels they’re not strong enough for “independent living.” This is a huge problem. Their closing for their apartment is March 10, so we need to figure out a game plan quickly. I don’t think they can start out at the assisted living level at this place.
@MaineLonghorn I’m sorry, this must feel like a blow.
Assisted living at the place they would like to move to might be the first place to explore. As your dad improves, he could branch out and enjoy the independent living activities while your mom is safe.