Just a general hug to everyone sitting vigil. The rollercoaster is real - and sometimes it is hard to believe that there is life going on outside your situation. I have had several close calls with my parents and each time I think (foolishly) that those episodes somehow will make it easier when the inevitable happens. I know it won’t but I guess it seems like all that emotion and pain should count for something. Wish that that were true for all of you who have been living on the rollercoaster.
@compmom, how is your mom doing?
How I wish there was a crystal ball. Sitting vigil is exhausting. I did manage about four hours of sleep in the chair. I actually thought I had even more but forgot about the time change.
My moms breathing actually got more regular for a bit but changed back again about an hour ago. Still super comfortable. I can’t believe she’s still holding on.
@momofsenior1. You need to take care of yourself and try to manage sleep so you don’t get sick either. Hang in there and hope your daughter and your family are doing well.
My mom is still holding on, but totally unresponsive now. She’s very peaceful. I need to go home for a few days. I hate leaving but at this point I have said my goodbyes and it feels like she really isn’t even here anymore. My aunt and dad will take this next shift. I will be back here on Sunday but hopefully she will be gone by then. I don’t know how her body is hanging on. She hasn’t even had a sip of water since Thursday.
@momofsenior1 My MIL lived for a week after ending nutrition and hydration. Such a relief your mom is peaceful and comfortable. You’ve done very well by her.
@momofsenior1 so glad it is peaceful for your mom. Going home for a few days is the right thing to do and I admire you for it.
@momofsenior1 - All good thoughts. You have done so much and here’s hoping that you get a chance to re-charge before Sunday. Vigil sitting takes a lot out of you and it helps that your mother is now peaceful.
@momofsenior1 Oh yes, the watching and waiting is so difficult, you’d like to be there, if you can, but you cannot maintain being awake constantly! My mother lasted over 5 days non-responsive and died when I was not there, she was dead in the morning having been alive at 2AM. I assured myself that, as hospice says, she chose not to leave with us there. My sister had arrived late the night before and I had been telling Mom all week that sis was coming that night; it felt like she waited for my sister and then left.
@momofsenior1 - Hugs to you. The waiting for the inevitable is very difficult and stressful. Take comfort in the fact that your mother is comfortable and peaceful.
@momofsenior1 - I feel like we all have been keeping vigil with you. I know I’ve been checking this thread regularly, thinking in particular of you these past couple of days. I’m glad your mother is peaceful. You’ve been a huge support to her. She will step through the door when she is ready.
The elevator in my dad’s condo broke. He’s on the top floor. Neither he nor his sister can manage that many flights of stairs. It felt different leaving when other family members were going to be here!
I’m looking to change to an early morning flight instead of tonight but I don’t know if that will work. My brother is also seeing what his options are.
I also managed to get my credit card frozen at the gas station this morning (long story but I had to cancel the first transaction and the second one was denied).
At least mom is still peaceful. The MD said he does not expect her to have any further periods of alertness. At least we were here when she was aware but Urgh.
Thank you all for your kind words of support.
My Sil’s mom waited for her to get back from a semester abroad. That mom passed that night. My bff gave her brother the proverbial “permission” to let go. While she was at lunch, he passed. And I did the same for my grandmother. In these cases, it came soon after.
I don’t mean that to sound harsh- and it’s anecdotal. But it does pair with the vast stories of people passing when the loved one finally leaves the room. Or, the ongoing, active interaction took a break.
Best wishes.
I’ve been thinking of you too @momofsenior1 and @MaineLonghorn . I wish you both some periods of joy. During both of my recent experiences with death, there was joy and I tried to be in that moment when they happened. That feeling of love and remembering good times really, really helped.
I’m reaching out to this group for advice about transitioning from one nursing home to another. My Mom is in a memory care unit of a nursing home about an hour and a half from me. Not a bad drive, but we’re considering moving her closer to me. The main reason for a move would be the cost. When we moved my Mom into the place she’s in now, we had a verbal understanding that we would be able to afford it with her long term care insurance. We kept waiting for the contract stating that. I’d prefer not to give too many personal details, so suffice it to say that it’s a private religious place that I thought I knew well. My mother, in fact, had worked there years ago.
However, the new price is two thousand more per month than is in her budget, including her LTC plus medicare and pension income. Assuming I can find a place that works near me, what can I do to make the move as painless as possible? She’s been in the place she’s in now since mid December and it took her a good month to settle in. I’ve identified a few places that will take LTC and then Medicaid and have made arrangements to visit the first one tomorrow.
Not at all harsh @lookingforward. We told her last week that she didn’t need to worry about us, that we would look out for each other, and she could go. We also told her when we had to leave. A number of people think she will pass tonight. I’m just happy I was there while she still had awareness.
Dad looks better than he has in months. We are all just shaking our heads in confusion! I understand that patients in hospice have ups and downs, but his “up” has lasted almost a week. He’s back in his “take charge” mode, discussing investments and other stuff with me. He’s zooming around the house with his walker, when a week and a half ago he was confined to a wheelchair. He texted DH that he wants to pay for new skis for him as thanks for the repair DH made to their back deck at Christmas. His oxygen numbers are always in the high 90s and he’s on no oxygen at all anymore.
Mom is ready to move into her new one-bedroom unit. This is getting very awkward. Yes, I know, a good problem to have, but ack! Makes planning very difficult.
@MaineLonghorn what do the docs say? Is he actually getting better? My mother was on hospice twice and rose from the near dead twice too. Not sure that is the situation for you though. We kept the hospice services as long as we could due to the wonderful daily aide but eventually had to get off in order to get some acute medical care for her.
@compmom the advocate said, “Personally I am thrilled to see your dad doing so well. I just kept looking at him yesterday in the doctors office without oxygen on and frankly, found it hard to believe. But there he was, before my eyes.
Will it last or how long will it last? I haven’t a clue because I have personally not experienced this before. He has received marked improvement without any additional treatment or medication.”
Ha, if we had taken my dad to the holistic doctor our relatives kept pushing, we would have sworn that was the reason for Dad’s improvement.
Hugs all around for all of us. My mom was in assisted living for 11 years. 300 miles from me. I visited as often as I could.
She passed away peacefully this morning at age 98. I had promised her I would say “Thank you, God” and I did. I was not with her. I arrived about 15 minutes after she passed. The Hospice social worker was with her.
What a long life your mom had @VaBluebird . I <3 what you said for your mom.