What a difference 7 months makes. For hurricane Dorian (September 2019), we hunkered down, but Dad was really aware of the storm, sitting at his window watching and waiting, watching the Weather Channel, etc. We did not get a direct hit, but there were major tornadoes about 1 mile down the road.
Now, we have not mentioned anything to him about this new worry. Here on the coast, it feels like a hurricane in a lot of ways.
Just got notice that my Dads place (Senior Living, Assisted Living and Memory Care) is now not allowing any visitors. Luckily my sister and I both saw him in the last week.
Chest x ray looked OK. Not much fluid around his lungs. So bizarre. The hospice nurse said she’s more concerned about Dad’s irregular heartbeat. She thinks that might be what does him in. Nobody has said that to us before. They’ve said it will be his lungs. We should count up the number of different stories we’ve been told since December! It makes our heads spin. He had more energy the second half of the day, although he only took one short walk around the house. He’s still convinced he’s going to get a lot better and it’s hard to know what to say, so I don’t say anything.
What kind of irregular heartbeat? Is he on a blood thinner? Is that relevant?
My mother has been at death’s door twice, in the past year, with hospice, and right now I swear she is healthier than I am.
Not saying that’s the case with your Dad. What a roller coaster.
I am getting nervous going into my mother’s assisted living to change the colostomy appliance (every 2-3 days).
At first I was nervous because I had the sniffles and didn’t want to bring it in. BUT they would not approve the aide that I had found privately. They need approval from “higher up.” Meanwhile that aide has another assignment so I need approval from a different one. In the interim I have gone in twice with sniffles, trying to be careful.
Now I am nervous because I found out that although visitors are forbidden (I am an exception due to the colostomy and was approved by “higher up”), families have been allowed to take their parents/relatives/friends out for MD appointments, family home visits, restaurants and other public places. A lot of us were stunned by this.
Aides are screened with temperature checks but we all know how effective that is.
I wrote them yesteday and asked if they might consider closing the pub, where residents squeeze in like sardines for their one drink. If they don’t close it, I asked if the could at least spread it out into other activity areas so adequate distance was between residents. They were going by “under 25” people together, but Trump said “under 10”- maybe that will help.
I have to admit that I am nervous going in, now. I would like someone to do the colosotomy and I want to stay home. In the end, this makes clear that no matter how much I have cared for my mother, who is 93 and has dementia, it is staying healthy and alive for my KIDS that is my ultimate priority.
Any suggestions on this colostomy situation?
Called hospital home care service for advice, then messaged and called MD for referral for a visiting nurse. I can use the hernia as an excuse maybe. Fingers crossed. My lungs don’t feel great today and want an alternative to me. AL is not focusing on this at all which is understandable, but I need an answer.
Frustrated by my dad. He needed printer ink. I ordered some for him to be delivered. I was hoping this would make it easier for him to change the ink, but also would keep him at home. No dice. He is still going out to get ink on his own. He wanted the outing.
He is a heavy Fox news consumer and so thinks this is a big hoax and is not curtailing his activities. Luckily his activities are not so numerous and he is a compulsive hand washer. Also fortunately things are shutting down in his state so there is less and less he can do to get in trouble. The movie theaters are closed, for example. I heard Fox made a major pivot in its coverage of the outbreak so let’s hope my dad is watching TV to see that. If Hannity says it, he will believe it.
I offered to come get him. I worry about him alone with things shutting down and fear there will come a tipping point when it won’t make sense for me to go get him. He said no. I wasn’t surprised and figured he would refuse to come until he got his taxes done. My brother was supposed to visit him this month. I hope that is still on.
This was a venting post. I was feeling very worried and sympathetic yesterday and was ready to jump in the car and drive the nine hours to bring him here. I worried about him being alone and things closing. Today? Just mad at him. He has some crazy ideas and isn’t letting me help him. Having him here would drive me nuts.
@Lizardly ::fistbump:: venting helps so much. It IS a rollercoaster, sometimes like @MaineLonghorn (hugs) with up and down health; sometimes with our own emotions cycling worry/anger/sad/mad/ etc etc etc. Those feelings are totally legit! When we had toddlers and could meet at the playgrounds and grouse about the terrible two’s it helped. There are not so many places to meet and grouse about our parents so I am grateful for this thread and place to vent.
I don’t need to vent on Mom anymore you’d think. I got total control/guardianship/conservatorship/POA years ago and she passed away more than two years ago. But as I am still trying to sell her property and clean up the trust, I still cycle through emotions and WTH was she thinking.
Take it easy on yourselves, everyone. Put on your OWN oxygen mask first @compmom and everyone.
Well, mom is in Son’s room, son is in My computer room on an air mattress. I’m relieved we have mom at our home as we are pretty cloistered and don’t go out except when absolutely necessary. None of us are getting together with friends or going out to work or dining out—pretty much only doing essential errands.
My sibs DO go out or have people in their homes who go out. One sib is MD, married to MD. My sis is married to MD and has young grandkids she watches plus both of the grandkids’ parents are still working. My other sis has 3 boys and all are still getting together with their friends to varying degrees. Her H is a dentist and last I heard he was still working. My other brothers are also still working, as is my other sister. Of course all the MDs are working.
Assisted living is now not allowing me to do colostomy. I went in with mask and gloves today to do it one more time. The visiting nurse that I arranged may not even be allowed in. They are going quickly to tighter control, which many of us were asking for. Hoping for no pub today. Meals will probably soon go to rooms. My mother is more confused but seems content, if worried about us. My last time to see her for awhile. Hope you are all doing okay in your various situations.
@compmom hugs, your head must be spinning. Definitely take good care of you.
Thanks- so many are experiencing these things. CC is a nice support.
@compmom Ugh, sorry to hear you can’t help your mom. We called Mom’s future facility and they said that residents are confined to their rooms. So we are delaying her move.
Dad is not on any blood thinners. His heart rate just fluctuates wildly. 73, 133, 85, etc.
His yeast infection is back. It’s probably in a bone where meds don’t reach well. Surgery is not an option because anesthesia is too dangerous for him. They’re talking about doing a CT scan but we don’t see the point if there is no way to treat it. Hospice won’t pay for the scan.
We took Mom to her new concierge doctor. We really like him. He’s like an old country doctor. When we told him we haven’t been happy with hospice, he said he is associated with a small hospice company. He said he would come out to the house to meet Dad. Wow!! Online reviews are glowing. So we are switching. The new nurse came out today. She will be Dad’s only nurse and we can contact her directly by cell phone, 24/7, without going through a call service. And they will deliver meds so we don’t have to go to a pharmacy.
We have had two friends that changed hospice companies at critical times in their parents’ lives. They are not all the same. It is so good there was another option for your Dad, @MaineLonghorn .
Our hospice has not told us anything new except that the hospice doctor and the field nurses are not meeting face to face anymore every two weeks, only by conference call. I will share what I learn.
I took a big step yesterday and hired a private nurse to do my mother’s colostomy wafer change every three days for the next few weeks.
I have had a cold and had no reliable subsititute for myself doing it and the Assisted LIving offered no help, not even a mask
The Assisted Living has, in my view, been sluggish in establishing safe practices. Residents were still going out to eat with family a few days ago, the crowded pub was only stopped yesterday, and they finally have two seating times at meals so residents are further away from each other. So many people go in and out of ther- staff/aides, visiting nurses, family members dealing with hospice, etc. So I am leery considering my own health issues - still on cancer meds, lupus, COPD etc. Not a spring chicken myself!
However, I feel terrible and sad. My mother is confused and doesn’t really understand. I usually see her every day! I am thinking of buying her an IPhone so she can Facetime with people. Maybe someone could help her with it. Or going to the window and waving-?!
Colostomy care was the one reason I was still allowed in there with no visitors allowed. But the visit was very short, just for the wafer change, and the nursing director stands in the room supervising. My mother would cry and want me not to leave. It is almost better not to go.
Her colostomy is complicated by a large hernia and the stoma varies in size, making things challenging. I have done everything I can. A whole page of instructions already sent to the nurse, set up a kit with all supplies, ordered extra supplies, and willl be available by phone/Facetime for coaching the nurse.
If I had a house I would bring her home. Ironically I am in a seasonal rental where my daughter and I are squeezed into a one bedroom. I am living here so that I can take care of my mother. Ugh. So sad.
How are you all doing?
Big big hugs to you @compmom. Hiring a nurse sounds like a super plan.
FWIW, I can’t imagine having to bring a confused loved one home, only to move them back when this passes. Transitions are soooo hard for them.
Keep up your phone calls and remember that you are doing what’s best for your mom, and her fellow residents. You are a fabulous daughter!!!
More hugs!
@compmom, you are and have been doing a great job, and hiring a nurse was the best thing you could do for your mother. Next week or next month that might change, but we all have to deal with our reality now. Take care of yourself.
I’m going to visit my mother today in the independent living part of the CCRC. She has been having aides during the week and me or my siblings on the weekend, but I’m not sure if they will let me stay over. When I leave, I’ll take her cat with me. The cat keeps her company all day every day, but if they go on lockdown they won’t let the aides in that help with the cat in addition to other help she needs. I really hate to be the one to take away her companion.
@MomofJandL that is so sad.
Our parents are suffering losses and disorientation and it is sad because their time left is limited.
The loss of a pet is a big one. My mother can’t handle the change in dining room set up and the loss of gin with the closing of the pub!!! They are offering wine at dinner 
Some people miss cats and some people miss gin!!!
Is anyone using an IPhone for Facetime with a parent? Maybe the private nurse could do this with her. I am paying for an hour and the wafer change only takes 20 minutes.
@compmom - I think it depends on what level of functioning your mom is at. We did Facetime with my mom when she first moved into her memory care unit but as she became more confused, she didn’t understand the concept of FT. It was still nice for me to see her but she would just talk as if she were on the phone and not look at the screen, even if someone pointed it out to her.
If your mom is able to interact that way, I think it’s a great idea to have scheduled FT while the nurse is there.
We got a notice from my Dad’s place (he is in Memory Care, but the facility has senior living and assisted living). They have stepped things up another notch. No visitors (which has been since Sunday), and now they are closing the assisted/senior living dining room. I am guessing Memory Care will still eat in their dining area, but maybe staggered.