<p>It hurts, make's me disappointed in myself for wanting her to be involved in my college education.</p>
<p>Orientation felt cold because I was the only kid who went alone, and the way some parent's looked at me when my new friend told them that I came alone made me alittle uncomfortable. My GF told me to just suck it up and leave it alone and I finally am. I tried, I failed. I'm also done.</p>
<p>I no longer care either, I am going to live my life for me and rely on me and only me. I am my own family and only motivation. </p>
<p>I just need to find a way to deal with it because it's eating me up. Seriously, eating me up.</p>
<p>I guarantee that your parent does care about you, but is unable to show it because of many potential reasons (none of which have a thing to do with you). Just know it is impossible for a parent not to love a child, and when disconnects happen like the one you are describing there are causes which are no fault of yours. There are no perfect children, but all parents love them anyway. </p>
<p>Try to, over time, pity the parent who is not supporting you because I am sure that on some level they have to be really suffering. In any case, forgiving them will set you free from any resentment along the way. You can't change other people, and you can't control their behavior. All you can do is, over time, learn to manage and eventually control your reaction to it.</p>
<p>Are your parents paying for your college at all? Take that as the kind of support they can give you. As for the rest, go to your college's counseling office and get some help in learning how to change your reaction to the situation, and how to deal with your feelings of disappointment.</p>
<p>bbecker, I know that look. I visited WUSTL with just my two brothers (my dad had to work, so he couldn't go). If anyone's familiar with places like WUSTL, it's the parents that are often more judgmental than the kids (a la, my kid is amazing complex). That look/subsequent environment sucks. </p>
<p>Perhaps you parent not caring is because he/she doesn't know what to do/how to express this care? (too much information hasn't been given for me to say anything less vague).</p>
<p>This is coming from an older person (and parent) - </p>
<p>It is REALLY hard for children (of any age - 4 - 24 - 44 - 64) to wrap their heads around "why a parent failed to love them as they wanted - needed - to be loved". I've seen it happen and I've watched adults struggle to come to terms with it. </p>
<p>It ALWAYS has to do with the shortcomings of the parent involved. Perhaps they are alcholoics, addicted to drugs, irresponsible and selfish beyond comprehension, mentally ill, maybe they have a personality disorder, perhaps they are just children themselves who never (and probably will never) grow up. That's really crappy for the child involved and I've afraid it will be a life long stuggle to over come it...but you can. It is not your fault or any reflection of you what so ever. And it starts with realizing that you are now the grown-up - you are stronger than they are and you have a choice: to be like them or not. To learn to love others or not. </p>
<p>And a tip: expectations make us miserable. It's better not to have any. This is true for all relationships. </p>
<p>More more thing: I don't know what your life philosophy is, but mine is that we are here on this planet to learn and to help others learn. I think we choose our lessons for our ultimate spiritual benefit. Maybe it will help to think that some good will ultimately come from your situation.</p>
<p>My mom told me this two nights ago: "Sometimes I don't even want you to be successful in life, because you obviously don't deserve it." It's taken me years to come to terms with this, but Pearl is right-- it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your parent's own shortcomings. I know it's hard not to take it personally, but try to focus on the things you're looking forward to about college and do not blame yourself for your parents' lack of involvement.</p>
<p>Well I kinda opted to visit colleges alone so that I can get the experience of traveling without my parents. All the adcoms and tour guides were impressed. I actually quite enjoyed it and my parents supported me.</p>
<p>I think you just have to suck it up because sooner or later you are getting cut off. In my opinion the sooner the better.</p>
<p>Did your parents tell you that they didn't go to orientation because they don't care about you or is that something that you inferred because they didn't go?</p>
<p>To me the fact that your parents are presumably offering financial support for you to go to college does indicate that they care about you.</p>
<p>There could be many reasons unrelated directly to you that could have caused your parents not to go to orientation. Some parents feel intimidated in such atmospheres. This could include parents who didn't go to college or to a college as prestigious as where you're going. It could include parents who are shy. You may not even realize that your parents are shy if you're used to seeing them around their very close friends and relatives. It also could include parents who can't afford to take time off from work or to travel to orientation or who are struggling with personal or health issues that they haven't revealed to you. If your mom's a single mom, she may even have been embarassed at the thought of going to orientation without a husband because she may feel bad that she didn't raise you in a two-parent family.</p>
<p>In checking your previous threads, I see that your mom has been having such financial problems that she recently had to give up her car. I also see that she has been supportive of your being lesbian, and I see that you have some difficulties with depression and possibly being bipolar.</p>
<p>Since so much is going on in your life including possible mental illness, it would be best for you to get advice from your therapist, who probably will be better equipped to offer advice and effective support than well meaning people like me who don't know you in real life.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Orientation felt cold because I was the only kid who went alone, and the way some parent's looked at me when my new friend told them that I came alone made me alittle uncomfortable.
[/quote]
Just to throw something out here, but is it possible that you're putting thoughts and feelings into other people that are based on how you're feeling inside? Most parents who are taking their kids to orientation are worried about how their kids are going to do in college, what the separation will mean to them, whether the kid will get the classes they need, make new friends, etc. In other words their concerns are on themselves and their family, not the other kids they see.</p>