<p>Parents should give their opinions on college choices, but the students should have final say. I'm a little wary of stories in which parents say, "we'll only help you pay if you go to X University," while I can kind of understand not wanting to fund what you believe to be a mistake, I think parents shouldn't use money to force their student to pick a certain college or type of college--it seems too much like extortion to me.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think parents shouldn't use money to force their student to pick a certain college or type of college--it seems too much like extortion to me.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't think my child should expect me to shell out or go into debt for $40,000 a year and not have any say in the situation. If a parent in good faith sets financial parameters (we will fund the cost of going to any instate public school anything over that you have to find scholarships to help pay for it), that is the deal that should be respected and the student should not think that if all of the sudden they get accepted in to big ticket item school and no money to pay for it that money is going to suddenly show up.</p>
<p>Sorry I'm a teen- i dont know if I'm allowed to respond to this Parent thread?
Anyway, my parents are relatively rich so they will pay for any college I want to go to.
Still, I feel like the only way they will be proud of me is if I go to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, etc.
I would like to go there, of course, but they really know NOTHING about the schools- just their names! I wish there would be less emphasis on the name of the school and actual research put in to what the school is actually like.
There's so much pressure on the kids to get into a good school- it's sometimes unbearable, so understand if your child randomly snaps at you.
I have been under so much stress that my mood becomes unreasonably bad. =(</p>
<p>I second the motion; great comment from Yulsie.</p>
<p>Having complete freedom in the application process when I was a lad, and being blessed with a relatively enjoyable college experience, you would think I would do the same for my child when the time comes. You'd be wrong.</p>
<p>Too much has changed and too much is at stake in today's college admissions environment. Of course the kid's happiness should be forefront in everyone's thinking. But it's the parent's job to point out which roads will get the kid going in a direction towards an objective. So I am going to be a hands-on parent, but with a subtle hand. The final decision will be up to my child, but like a responsible parent who regularly prepares well-balanced and healthy meals for the family, the plate of college options that I present will be intellectually nutritious and hopefully affordable.</p>
<p>As for parent biases;</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I'll have a stroke if my child applies to Harvard; I just cannot root for the Crimson. My own alma mater would revoke both my BA and my 'light' blue blazer.</p></li>
<li><p>The kid must take a couple of college courses in the foundations of Western Civilization; Plato, Aristotle, Dante, St. Augustine etc; and a literature course or two, to learn how to think and how to evaluate the traditions that influence the contemporary world. Other than that, nearly any major will do. At present, my child's preference is Biology, but as we all know, that can change and it will be the student's decision.</p></li>
<li><p>I'll be praying for strength if the kid wants to attend the U of Washington. There are worse places, but right now I can't think of any. LOL.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>well the uw isn't really * that* bad- although since it is in our backyard- neither one of my kids have expressed any interest in attending for undergrad- the oldest might consider it for grad school however- which I would like to encourage
All I said to her in selecting schools is to encourage her to look outside our region- and to consider a 4 year college rather than art school, because IMO it was easier to do art on the side than science. ( she was interested in both)
she knew that we could only afford our EFC- so it was either a school that offered to meet 100% of need, an instate public school, or an out of state public school with merit.
The private school had the best combination of program and finaid package- so it was an easy choice for all of us</p>
<p>In this thread I previously wrote:
[quote]
ahh, the age old question of when your teenager is in a receptive mood for an opportunistic conversation. I'm pretty good at telling when he doesn't want to discuss things
[/quote]
And I feel the need to 'fess up. Son is a volunteer firefighter. On Sunday morning he rolled out of bed at 2:00 AM for a call. Then on Monday, as soon as he came home from school he got a call for a routine cleanup of a car-deer encounter. On the way, they got diverted due to a person-car encounter (happily, not fatal). So they get him on the backboard and into the ambulance and go back to the station. Where they are immediately called out to assist another station with a bad car accident (unhappily, VERY fatal -- three dead elderly people). That took quite a while. And on the way back from that they got a call for a car-telephone pole encounter. So, to put it mildly, it was sort of a hectic 48 hours for him, not even counting the school day. What does dear old Dad do when Son finally comes home sweaty, tired, and having helped out with a 3-fatality accident? Bug Son to sit down and watch a college DVD that came in the mail that day. Lord. Not a shining parental moment for me. It was sort of a poster child moment for NOT being the time for an opportunistic conversation.</p>
<p>
[quote]
What does dear old Dad do when Son finally comes home sweaty, tired, and having helped out with a 3-fatality accident? Bug Son to sit down and watch a college DVD that came in the mail that day. Lord. Not a shining parental moment for me. It was sort of a poster child moment for NOT being the time for an opportunistic conversation
[/quote]
That's funny, lderochi! I just love your timing! Well, you take 'em when you can get 'em. But please, don't smack yourself with a guilt trip. He sounds like he was so exhausted he won't remember what he saw on the video anyway :)</p>
<p>iderochi, how old is your son? I thought you had to be older to do volunteer firefight?</p>
<p>He's 17. He joined last year when he turned 16, which is the minimum age here in Delaware. There are still certain things he can't do (boat rescue, entry into a burning structure, drive the truck, etc.) until he's older. To be quite honest, when he told us last year that he wanted to volunteer at the fire station we didn't think twice about it. We figured all they would let him do is wash the trucks! Next thing we know they're sending him to the State Fire School on the weekends for training, fitting him for his firefighting suit and boots, and telling him to hang on to the side of the truck as it goes down the road. Wife and I were somewhat stunned. But he absolutely loves it and it's been very good for him.</p>
<p>wow I hate to keep this thread off topic but it sounds like an amazing experience! Not many kids my age can say they've done that. So what are the plans for college (yours and his)?</p>
<p>I'll PM you, to keep this thread from going completely off the rails. :)</p>
<p>I think right now Iderochi's plans should include getting a really big bowl of cheerios from Carolyn :)</p>
<p>Don't worry we still have love for you and understand that you have to get a teachable moment in wherever you can (come on over to SA and we'll buy you a drink)</p>
<p>If Carolyn reads this thread and sees "firefighter" and "Delaware" I'm busted -- I posted an anonymous comment on her website describing Son's stats and his location and his firefighting EC. :eek:</p>
<p>EmeraldK, one day you and I need to have a long conversation about the U of W. The place isn't a netherworld inferno, but it's no Shangri La either. LOL.</p>
<p>What is Carolyn's website, or rather where is it?</p>
<p>if you right click on Carolyn's name, you will see a link stating go to carolyn's home page</p>
<p>And it is a fabulous place for college admissions junkies.</p>
<p>Whoa! Just checked out her site and there's tons of great info on it. I think I may be a college admisions junky LOL.</p>
<p>basically for college i applied to 6 schools which were chosen by my father. if i get accepted to all of them he would choose the school for me. i tell him about financial aid and he says that with his net income, we wont get any. so basically i cant live on-campus. he says that undergraduate isnt important and that its not worth going to a prestigious school with great costs for only four years. he says that college is only for studying and no fun thus several schools that are "fun and social" that were on my list got kicked off. so basically i will probably go to some school right near my house, not live on campus, not be able to participate in activities, and will only study for the next four years of college. awesome. oh yeah, i wont be happy there probably.</p>
<p>At age 16, My mom got a full scholarship as a woman to Stanford in the 1920s. Her father wouldn't let his only daughter go away from home and insisted she chose a school in the LA basin. She ended up at USC living at home in Glendale for her first few years. She survived, met the love of her life, got straight As and moved on. But, I don't think she has really ever forgiven her father for not letting her go to Stanford. She still talks about it at age 96.</p>