<p>Thanks for the update. So glad that things are going well!</p>
<p>I just saw this thread. I think our sons are clones! I have an older son who is highly motivated. Sometimes I think that is the problem -- DS2 has to distinguish himself.
DS2 is quite capable of A's, but says "why should I work to get A's if I can get B's with no effort?" He's got a lot of potential in golf; I've been told he has an incredible natural swing and lots of potential, but I can't get him to practice.
He won't do any EC's -- I've come up with tons of ideas and he shoots them all down.
I guess I need to institute some tough love. No ECs, then no phone, no driving practice, no tv, etc. No license if he doesn't maintain the gpa that we know he's capable of achieving, with a bit of effort.<br>
I have been trying to show him his college/ job options if he graduates with a 3.0. He did research himself and learned that welders and plumbers get paid well and don't go to college, so he says bother trying to get A's? Of course, he was looking at the salary of underwater welders in Antarctica (really). I pointed out to him that, yes, they may make $900 per hour, but they only get to work 30 or 40 hours a year, and even then, they may not survive.
It's so tough to deal with this lack of motivation!!</p>
<p>A thread close to my heart as well. So glad you gave more status!</p>
<p>DS hated his HS freshman and soph years. Got really anxious. Didn't turn in homework. Shut down at home. NO EC's no friends, no sports. I also got help on several CC threads (thanks all!). We moved him this year to a small small school and he is back to the happy kid he was in grade school. So far all A's. Still no sports, not a lot of friend contact and not any real EC's. But he is talking! and he is talking to DH about computer stuff quite a bit (last year they were fighting constantly). We don't know what the college seasons will bring, but <em>I</em> am glad he is happier, is turning in HW, is doing chores without argument. He didn't want a cell phone, doesn't want to get his license (past 16 already). But there is hope... Not really hope for MIT which was once potentially do-able, but hope for more than a gap year or a run-away! He didn't see any value in the PSAT (forced to take it at the other school, did fine cold. Took the SAT to try to get into summer program, did fine cold .. not as good as his sis, but still fine). But is willing to take another shot and try for a NM. It would help offset the bad grades from the past 2 years. </p>
<p>And the very best advice was LOVE THE KID ON THE COUCH. I got frustrated with someone smart doing the HW and not turning it in; now I see it was just a cry for help. But we didn't give up telling him that he was a worthwhile human being no matter what his grades. And we did therapy as well for him and for us. DH and I were miserable with each other too, just from the tension. </p>
<p>So anyone still searching the 'slacker son' threads; keep hugging them and be gentle with your spouses and kind to yourself.</p>
<p>Here's an update; My 15 y.o. has pulled his sophmore GPA up fro a 1.2 to a 2.5!.....yay!....He works hard ( at times), and it is SO frustrating when the work doesn't find itself to the teacher on time....One break-through included a reasonable amount of studying, garnering a 98 on a biology test. See! Studying DOES make a difference! A major break through for ME was when a few days after a discussion of how hard it was for me to keep urging when confronted with his hopelessness and frusration, he let me know he "could take it"!. And his high school soccer team is having a really good season, and he's been in the paper several times. Also, I try to tell my self it might be okay to use what remains of the family college fund on his sister after all.....</p>
<p>I don't have a son, and my experience with my daughter has been very different than yours with your son, but I will chime in on a couple of issues here:</p>
<p>First, I supplied a LOT of the motivation and organization for my daughter's college applications. Without it, I don't think they would have gotten done. I now wish that I had let her sink or swim on her own. She was not ready for college and that was the first sign. </p>
<p>Second, I was the under-performing younger sister of a high-achieving brother. I don't remember my parents comparing us, but some of my teachers did. That made zero dents in my lack of motivation. My brother and I both turned out well, in ways that probably surprised everyone. He, the scholastic whiz, dropped out of college and ultimately became a high-end woodworker and furniture maker. I, the scholastic slacker, dropped out of college and ultimately became a published author. You never know how things are going to work out...</p>
<p>I have a lot of sons - more than five - don't want to scare anyone :-)</p>
<p>We have really seen just what you are talking about. For our "underachievers" what has helped the most is "reality therapy" as Bill Cosby used to say on the Cosby Show. That means if they want something, they get a job and pay for it themselves. Guys want to know that what they are doing "counts", that it's not just play, but that it means something. I think a job is one of the best things in the world at this age. </p>
<p>Same for EC's: "clubs" really turn off a lot of guys. Look for something real - support a candidate they really like (knock on doors, pass out literature, etc) - volunteer at a real charity - start a business - anything that has an impact on real life. Going to county council meetings or political party meetings can spark a love of politics, for example. And real stuff is so much more meaningful, anyway.</p>
<p>We homeschool, which gives me a lot more control over the school situation. Our rule is no computer, no books, no phone until all the school work is done. If the week's work isn't done by Friday, you do it on Saturday. If you have football games on Saturday, you do it between practices and on the way.</p>
<p>I also try to make sure they really understand why we're doing each of the subjects. "I hate writing! This is stupid!" "Son, most folks can't write worth a flip. If you can write and speak clearly and succintly, then you will get promotions far faster than those who can't express what they've done." </p>
<p>One concern I do have about jobs -- I try to see that they aren't paid <em>too</em> well. I know several boys who abandoned college plans because they were making so much at their jobs. They couldn't understand that the job that's a fortune at 19, has no future and can't support a family at 35.</p>