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There are very few benchmarks by which parents can evaluate whether theyre doing a good job, said Bruce Feiler , author of The Secrets of Happy Families, and for a certain segment of parents, theres no better benchmark than college admission.Youve got the Apgar score when youre born, and the US News [& World Report] ranking when they get into college, and then youre done, he said...</p>
<p>Parents bragging or sour grapes, she added, comes out of being over-identified with their kids success. And that can have a negative effect: Students feel pressure that their success is reflecting on their parents.</p>
<p>...But its the high achievers who are making the most noise. Parents are sending happy news e-mail blasts, holding forth at dinner parties, and, seemingly constantly, posting status updates. Parents are using Facebook as a bragging platform.
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<p>I think it's fine to post when a child makes a final decision of where to attend - that's family news. But announcing in your own FB status when your kid gets an acceptance? No.</p>
<p>These are the same parents who were bragging that their kid was potty trained at 18 months, could read before they started kindergarten, and was the star on the “fill in the blank” team. It’s nothing new.</p>
<p>In comparison with most of her high school friends, I suspect my D’s Apgar scores were more impressive than her college admissions. Of course, she didn’t choose to apply to a single reach school. She’s happy where she is, though, and I was proud to post her final college decision on my Facebook page. It puts a whole lot of pressure on these kids when parents are so invested in their college admissions results.</p>
<p>I don’t know… A big reason I posted my D’s acceptances on FB was because that was the only way many family members and friends would hear about it. Was it bragging? Maybe, but if you can’t brag to your family and friends about your kid once in a while, who can you brag to? I also cheered along all of my friends when their kids got acceptances too. I am friends with a lot of parents and although I may know their kids IRL we aren’t FB friends. </p>
<p>I think that people should be allowed to celebrate with their friends if they want to. Why does everything have to be judged so harshly?</p>
<p>I think it’s all about context. A friend of mine posted on her FB that her son was choosing between JHU, Berkeley and Penn - all obviously fine choices. I know her well enough to know that there is not a shred of bragging. I think it depends on the person’s overall personality and the circles in which they run.</p>
<p>I think it also depends on who your Facebook friends are. My aunts, uncles, cousins, friends all want to hear and know that kind of news. That’s how we use Facebook. I think it really does depend on the people.</p>
<p>I love it when my friends brag about their kids on FB. I want to hear about them, and every child should be so lucky as to have such proud parents. That said, i would not post anything about my kids’ college acceptances without asking them first.</p>
<p>I realize some parents can be obnoxious when it comes to their kids sometimes, but there’s a difference between that and simply being excited. Unfortunately, critics tend to lump them all together. </p>
<p>I don’t use FB but I don’t think I’d have a problem with a parent expressing their pride in their kid’s college acceptances. It’s an important time for most families and there’s nothing wrong with celebrating it. It’s a short lived moment in time - let them have their day.</p>
<p>I like to hear what kids are doing on Facebook, I don’t like the bragging however. You can let your friends know what your kids are up to without bragging. One friend, EVERY post is about how wonderful their kids are, mostly their D. The problem is, most people know better :D. Latest is a “HUGE WOW” over a scholarship…for $500. Hey, $500 is $500 but seriously…</p>
<p>I think the key is “overidentified with the kid’s success.” If the post is to validate the parents’ success as parents, then it’s obnoxious. If the post is to “kvell” about the kid’s success, then that’s another thing.</p>
<p>As an “older parent” with friends whose kids have graduated and moved on, I’ve seen kids attend a top school and end up being spectacularly successful in later life. I’ve also seen kids get into the same schools and wind up unhappy and underemployed. I’ve seen kids struggle, drop out of college but with time, find their stride and be big successes. The race is not to the swift. I’m not going to begrudge someone bragging rights to what is an interim success, but it will be interesting to see what we parents post about our kids from the nursing home. Admission to college is not the prize, a happy, fulfilled life is what is at stake.</p>
<p>It reminds me of when I joined a playgroup with my newborn son, who had been born prematurely. While all the other moms were bragging about how Joey was in the 99th percentile for weight AND height, or Sophie was smiling at only three weeks, I was just happy my baby was off the gavage tube, home at last, and up to the 10th percentile for weight. </p>
<p>It must be very, very difficult for parents in competitive environments such as those described in the article to come to grips with their kid attending a “regular” college instead of one befitting their “specialness.”</p>
<p>Well, I am ecstatic today, but did not open the facebook page yet
Should he hear from another school, I might not be so strong ! I want to celebrate, what is wrong with this! How is it different then going to a bar and ordering a free round for all? Times have changed…I am happy for the success of my friend’s kids and think they feel the same way about my little brags…:)</p>
<p>We do see situations on these forums where there is parental pressure for the student to choose a more prestigious college, even if it would involve huge student loan debt and the parent is not contributing any money to the students college costs. It does appear that there are some parents who over-identify with their kids’ matriculation college prestige as the status symbol of their own success, even though the parents’ preferred choice is not in the best interest of either the student or parents.</p>
<p>Kelowna- you are an example that Pizzagirl was referring to. You want to SHARE your good news, as opposed to BRAG about your good news. Big difference.</p>
