<p>What I don’t get is all the people who friend me with no comment or note and I never hear from them again. What’s the point?</p>
<p>As to the difference between “being excited and proud” and “bragging,” I couldn’t exactly verbalize it. But I think most of us know bragging when we hear it. And we’ve probably all been guilty of it at one point or another. </p>
<p>We know a man whose bragging on his D just knows no end. The thing is, he never exaggerates or makes up stuff. She really is as wonderful as he says. But it’s just flat obnoxious to hear about it constantly, with never an inquiry about how our D is doing, what she might be up to, etc. I just finally decided he must not be all that happy in his own life, so this is where he finds joy. So be it.</p>
<p>Yes. I don’t really love this quality in anyone, not even the complainers. This can be really annoying. I call this “center of the universe syndrome,” though facebook does lend itself to this. I mean, what are you supposed to do? Post a status? “Hey, how the heck is everybody?”</p>
<p>Actually, that wouldn’t be the worst status. ;)</p>
<p>read the first few posts in this thread. I personally don’t think posting kids’ college acceptance etc. on facebook is bragging. It’s to express joy and pass information to friends and family. I think it’s normal.</p>
<p>Maxwellequations - I agree about passing on the joy. I love hearing good news on FB…there is so much negative stuff that the joy should be shared too. </p>
<p>I joined FB 4 years ago when DD09 was travelling so we could keep in touch. She didn’t have to post to me but just post something everyday - even the weather and we knew she was fine. Then the day came that H asked if I had Skyped d her lately. I said -Oh, she’s posting on FB she’s fine…to which DD13 said - Well that horiscope thing is an automatic post that’s not her. She hadn’t posted in three days - sure enough she was in the hospital! After her travels I ignored FB for about a year during which I failed to acknowledge several old HS friends’ requests. Eventually life settled down and I decided to re-engage in the FB world but to my dismay a long ago friend had passed of cancer two days earlier and I never knew of her six month battle. I have been faithful to check FB ever since. I can’t tell you the sadness I feel about that lapse.</p>
<p>digression: I joined facebook to keep up with my daughters. They put me on some sort of limited friendship and eventually abandoned facebook. So much for facebook, I’m still there but I’m a rare poster.</p>
<p>I love hearing good news from people too. Maybe it’s the fact that only good news gets posted that makes it feel like bragging? I thought about it and facebook doesn’t seem all that great a vehicle for passing on bad news. I can’t recall seeing a post expressing sadness or disappointment about a kid being shut out of all his schools. But then I’m not a frequent poster or reader and I do not collect legions of “friends” so I may not be on top of things. </p>
<p>The other thing is that you know the braggarts because they are the ones who only pop into your life to brag and never to ask about yours or to express delight in others. Those who share the ups and downs and challenges along the way…we cheer for their kids and for them.</p>
<p>I think it’s perfectly fine to post college choices as long as you do it with humility, grace, humor, and maybe a little self-deprecation. It’s just such a fine line between pride and boorishness.</p>
<p>D recently won a big-time award from her professional society. I wanted to post it on facebook to tell my extended, far-flung family the news, but I didn’t want to sound braggy and clueless. It took me a few weeks - I finally posted it with the preface that I was sorry if I sounded like a braggy tone-deaf mom…</p>
<p>Your last paragraph, 3girls3cats, is a nice encapsulation of one distinction between bragging and sharing. It’s kind of like the difference between getting an invitation to a home sales party from a friend, versus from a casual acquaintance who hasn’t ever shown much interest in you before. If the only time you hear from that person is when she’s selling something, the invitation has a different feel to it.</p>
<p>That said, I used to think that sharing the bad and good equally, or sharing bad stuff more often than good, would offer me some protection from parent competition and jealousy. For example, my youngest has many disabilities and I’ve been very open about them. I wrongly assumed people would be more generous in being happy for my other child’s success knowing my younger one will be unlikely to succeed in traditional ways. It didn’t work that way. So again, I think there are people who will be jealous no matter what and we should be careful putting the blame on the “sharer.”</p>
<p>Re: bragging vs. boasting–I may be wrong, but I thought the distinction was that bragging entails some suspected exaggeration of the facts, whereas boasting does not. However boasting still implies a miscue with regard to what is appropriate in the specific social context (eg. choosing the wrong audience, providing too many details beyond audience’s interest level, taking more than your fair share of conversational time, etc.)</p>
<p>^Agree with this (#108) and 3girls’ comments. People’s reactions to news of someone else’s success or failure are usually more about them than about the person sharing the news. When it’s good news, they instinctively evaluate it relative to their own accomplishments. When it’s bad news, they are just relieved it’s not them. </p>
<p>It can get awkward when someone gets their “comeuppance” after years of bragging. I will admit to a bit of smug self-satisfaction when the child of the braggadocious friend I mentioned a few pages back got kicked out of the SAT for cheating. Of course the parents had a ready excuse, just as they did when the same child got suspended for sneaking alcohol into a football game.</p>
<p>Perfectly fine to announce where the kid has decided to go. It is a question of interest for those who know and care about the kid. I’m just as interested in where the kid I know who is choosing between local options as I am about the ones who looking at schools further away. I have no interest in knowing about kids I don’t know at all. It’s how well I know the child, family that gauges my interest. Also as someone who is interested in the college process, I like to know overall results and particulars, but not until way past the point in time of acceptances. Until the dust settles and the kids are at the schools, the info is not reliable. </p>
<p>Seriously, I don’t know anyone who brags about Apgar scores except in writing articles or as specific issue. My friends whose child is severely handicapped had perfect Apgar scores which was why the seizures that came about soon afterwards were a surprise to all. And, yes, toilet training can take up a parent’s attention because it can involve some mighty dirty work during those times. But who cares when someone is "trained’? Or started to walk or read? Only when the milestones are very late do they become a concern.</p>
<p>Precocious children can become a millstone around the neck too when 20-30 years later they are working for minimum wage, as are many kids who graduate or don’t from name brand schools that bring joy to the hearts of the parents those early acceptance days or years, and not gainfully employed. </p>
<p>I like hearing the good news. Yeah, sometimes my eyes might get a slight green cast to them, but so what? That’s okay too.</p>
<p>I think everyone on Facebook posts a little too often about <em>something</em> that is gonna bug <em>someone</em>. The way I see it, if I don’t complain about your incessant posts about your dog/cat, or the obscure quotes that you obviously just looked up on “brainy quote”, or the constant photos of disfigured children that will get $1 for every “like” (doubt it) or the sad-slash-mildly entertaining requests for carrots or logs for your new cabin on the farm…then you don’t get to complain when I brag that my son got into an amazing college after working his tail off for four years. Deal with it.</p>
<p>You can easily create groups on FB so you can post certain information to family and close friends only for example. Then if you are truly only posting so extended family will know, there is no need for others to see it.</p>
<p>Facebook is a narcissist paradise. Between my moving, changing jobs, old networks via my kids’ schools, clubs, etc., I’ve amassed quite the motley crew of “friends” on Facebook. Lately I’m just too lazy to go go through the de-friending process but I definitely need to. My news feed is overflowing between the friends that post the minutia of their lives every hour on the hour… those that change their highly photo-shopped mug shot every day… those that transparently use their cryptic status updates to lash out at their ex’s and estranged RL friends… those that create some kind of alternative universe for themselves where everyone and everything in their life is perfect and better than anyone else’s and boy, aren’t they oh so fabulous… those that get their hackles up when I don’t “like” or comment on their posts… it’s exhausting. To see a post about someone’s kid getting accepted to XYZ? I wouldn’t bat an eye or think anything of it (other than good for them).</p>
<p>You don’t have to de-friend to not see posts. When you see a post form someone for whom you to see less posts, just hover over the post, click the drop down menu and choose. You can just do a couple a day and significantly trim the number of posts you see.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestion Cartera. I need to get to work thinning out my contacts. Somewhere I read or heard it said that people “tell” you all about themselves, so believe them. This is so aptly demonstrated on Facebook. There have been studies about how Facebook is reshaping personalities (or so some believe).</p>