Parents Using College Acceptances to Compete

<p>I am really proud of my kids, and privately share my joys and anguish with close friends. But I would not put a Brown window sticker on my car. My son gave me one he received in his admission packet and wanted me to put it on the car, but I just felt uncomfortable. It is HIS accomplishment, not mine. If it were his car, then fine. If it were a less prestigious school, then I would be OK with it. But putting it on my car might be seen by others as bragging, and I did not feel right about it. </p>

<p>If my son wants to wear spirit gear, that’s great. And I have my Brown Mom coffee mug that I use in my home :).</p>

<p>“So, my one friend started texting me any unfavorable news or opinion about D’s university. If their football team lost, she rejoiced. If their football team won, she criticized the interview with the QB and said he was inarticulate. She’d warn about geographic issues like potential droughts or earthquakes, economic issues like housing costs and state budgets, and would generally comment on how she doesn’t understand why anyone would want to live where the university is. Other people have done similar things like tell me D or S should have gone elsewhere for whatever reason, like X school is better for his major, why didn’t he go there? One man said he felt sorry D chose the school she did because he thought she’d have been more successful in her sport elsewhere.”</p>

<p>These aren’t remotely friends! These are boors. There’s really no response to give other than -oh, great, I hope he/she enjoys the school. If so-called friends can’t be happy for you and your family, whether your kid is off to East Bumble U or Harvard, then screw 'em.</p>

<p>I think appropriate communication over our kids’ achievements really involves “minding the gap.” If my child wins a big prize while my best friend’s child is struggling with drug issues, the only focus should be “How can I help?” The gap can destroy real friendship, and it must be respected at all times, imho, and I say this as someone who has been on both sides of it – the top-of-the-world side and the how-did-life-become-so-terrifying side?</p>

<p>It’s beyond frustrating to me to have friends who want to compete through our children. I don’t want to disclose test scores or competition results; I just want to have tea together and talk about what lasts – wisdom, laughter, unconditional love, great literature, faith, and (okay, my only worldly concern) how to recover a career after having given twenty years to the cause of caring for others, young and old, on a daily basis.</p>

<p>Life’s too short to be petty – I guess that sums it up for me. Unhealthy competition among neighbors and friends diminishes everyone involved.</p>

<p>Well, it CAN be funny. My dad used to call me every year to tell me exactly how many kids from my alma mater had been arrested at his alma mater over Halloween weekend – and that went on for at least ten years after I graduated. (BTW, I love my dad but his football team is awful.)</p>

<p>My D got into UPenn ED. So our search has been over for some time.</p>

<p>So we congratulated a couple last week for their D getting into Stanford. They made a point of letting us know their D could’ve gone to Cornell but turned them down.</p>

<p>My wife and I were wondering if they said it to show they had an Ivy Leaguer too or if it was just conversation.</p>

<p>We certainly don’t look down on Stanford in the least but maybe some people do. Idk.</p>

<p>I’ve never seen anyone post their kids’ SAT scores on Facebook – does anyone really do that?</p>

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<p>Seems that some students wear other colleges’ stuff.</p>

<p>[Smith</a> College: Picker Engineering Program](<a href=“http://www.science.smith.edu/departments/Engin/study.php]Smith”>http://www.science.smith.edu/departments/Engin/study.php)</p>

<p>Someone I know took a picture of her daughter’s AP exam score and posted it.</p>

<p>I’ve been the opposite. Pretty quiet about things because of so many haters that think our family has it made. Our family is not supportive of any of the positive things that come our way. Most usually get jealous and angry with us.</p>

<p>Started years ago. My brother in law had a baby shower for their baby two months before our son was born - they got furniture, clothes, etc. Two months later and we got nothing when my S was born. My mother in law said we could take care of ourselves but my brother in law struggles.</p>

<p>Announcing our Ivy bound D, even 20 yrs later, just gets the same kind of attitude.</p>

<p>Redpoint,
I did see someone post their kid’s PSAT score on Facebook.</p>

<p>I spent the afternoon at a baby shower for one of my best friends’ daughters. She is a freshman in college. When her Mom told me I said congratulations grandma. It may not be the path you hoped for but it is the path your daughter has chosen. I am truly happy for this girl… Realistic about the tough road ahead… But happy for her strength and her fortitude. Our other best friend w as s at the shower. Her 22 year old son was killed in a car crash in January on his way back to college after winter break. Life mostly sucks. Celebrate everything while you can .</p>

<p>Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using CC</p>

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<p>Great idea! Get a couple dozen bumper stickers and put them on the oldest, most broken-down wrecks you can find. ;)</p>

<p>Why not only post on FB where you child decided to attend? No matter how you present the information, parents will compare. Help de-stress the college process by focusing on the final choice, not how many acceptances
and how they are rated.</p>

<p>I am having trouble letting go of some of the college “swag” for schools my D probably won’t be attending. She told me today that if I wanted to be truly obnoxious, I could put all the bumper stickers/window decals where she was accepted onto my car-- instead of just one where she is attending. Now… that would be bragging. :)</p>

<p>great posts sarabande and alexmariejp</p>

<p>To me its pretty simple. Those people who obnoxiously brag about their kids are vicariously living their lives through them. You don;t need to have taken Psych 101 to realize that most of those people are probably unhappy how their own lives turned out and they console themselves with their children’s success and accomplishments. </p>

<p>For example i have a co-worker who I can unbiasedly say is a mess. But get him talking about his kids Little League stats and how he is going to get a D-1 scholarship one day and it allows him to forget about his own failures.</p>

<p>Whether it is sports or academics the same principle applies.</p>

<p>My kids and all of their friends all wear each other’s school gear. My daughter started collecting college t-shirts and sweats when she was first playing travel soccer, and I think she must have at least a t-shirt from 300 colleges. She wears them indiscriminately. She is kind of known for this, and all of her friends brought her t-shirts back from where they got in or wherever they went this last year.</p>

<p>I assume she is going to need an extra suitcase when she comes back from school so that everyone gets something from her school on her thanksgiving break.</p>

<p>We have friends with kids going all over the country, and all over the map of selectivity. I’m thrilled for all of them and would never be insulted by a parent posting acceptances if that was their thing. The one most enthusiastic parent I know, who is just all about this, didn’t go to college herself and the whole thing has just been very exciting. Of course, you can’t help but love her since she posted the rejections too. </p>

<p>I didn’t post anything, but I never post anything on facebook anyway, just tend to “like” other people’s posts.</p>

<p>I don’t care if parents post about their kids’ accomplishments on FB. I assume they are just proud. I like to heard about it too. I did see one this year that was a bit over the top. The mom posted on her D’s FB page congratulating her on her decision and added something like - “and I’d like to thank Wossamotta U. for the very generous merit scholarship.” Unless the school is her FB friend, she wasn’t thanking anyone.</p>

<p>poetgirl- " I never post anything just like other people’s posts" I was doing the same thing and DD09 and DD13 called me ‘a FB ■■■■■.’- Since I presume that’s a bad thing I try to share something once in awhile. Usually the weather or about something H made for dinner that was yummy. Some one should write a book on FB etiquette - next I guess it will be bragging to have dinner, or worse a husband who cooks.</p>

<p>Funny, pouncecat. Of course, I only joined facebook, years ago, to keep an eye on my kids and what they were getting up to on there, just a bit of supervision. But, now, with all the people who have friended me, it would feel rude to just close the account. I post a picture of the kids from time to time.</p>

<p>I can definitely brag about having a cooking husband, though, if need be. ;)</p>