<p>My husband and I approved of our freshman D to go to a one week Christian camp program (w/ hundreds of high school kids attending) this summer. Since then, her boyfriend (not Christian at all, not that it matters) has decided to go too. (BTW, he's a junior).</p>
<p>They have been together now for 6 months and seem to be pretty serious. We thought this camp would give her a break from the relationship and allow her to meet new people. Now that he is going, that goal has gone down the drain.</p>
<p>So we sat her down, told her our concerns and told her we do not wish for her to attend this camp program. She does have some other exciting family trips scheduled for the summer so it's not like she'll have a dull summer.</p>
<p>Anyway, she is so sad and it's killing me to see her this way. My husband calls it "tough love" and that she'll be fine.</p>
<p>So I was just curious if all you other parents are on the same page as we are? What would you do?</p>
<p>OK, I'm not a parent - but I might have some insight you'd be interested in hearing.</p>
<p>My parents went to the same middle school and started dating sophomore year in HS. Their parents never dictated their relationship. They went "steady" for long periods of time (a year or more!), broke up, got together again, went to different colleges...and then got married, all of it on their own schedule. They are the happiest two people I have ever seen, with two great children (if I do say so myself - haha) and a better relationship than most of my friends' parents, many of whom are now divorced, separted, or pending.</p>
<p>What I'm saying is that if this boy is not abusive in any way, maybe you should let her make her own mistakes - and even her own success stories! - at this point. You may think it's best for her to "meet other people", but I don't understand why you would try to force this opinion on her. You have a responsibility to protect her from danger and to voice your opinions. But fundamentally, who she loves seems like a personal and sacred thing. </p>
<p>That gets to the beef of it, I guess. There are some peripheral things that I find kind of upsetting about your story, but I don't know enough to really comment on them (ex. did this boy already put down a deposit for the camp?).</p>
<p>I have a freshman D who does not have a boyfriend (yet!), but I totally feel your pain! That is such a tough decision. I completely understand where you are coming from as far as your concerns about the relationship, but from your D's point of view, your actions may seem harsh and unfair, and they may allienate you from your D.</p>
<p>I would definitely be available to my D and LISTEN to what she has to say. You don't want her sadness (or possible anger against you) drive her closer to the BF to (perhaps subconciously) get back at you.</p>
<p>I wish you the best of luck...Parenting is so complicated!!!</p>
<p>Interesting question. Is she a freshman in HS? Is she in a public school (secular environment)? It might be revealing for him to see her in a Christian-majority environment and for her to see him in that same environment.</p>
<p>The only reason you wanted your daughter to go to this camp was to keep her away from her boyfriend? I would hope the camp had some redeeming value and will still be the program you signed up for, with or without the boyfriend. </p>
<p>If this is a large program, I am sure your daughter will still be able to meet new friends. This is no different that two female friends going off to camp together except the boys and girls will not be sharing sleeping accommodations.</p>
<p>I don't think I would back out of a program because there was a boy involved. Your daughter now knows you don't want her to go because of the boy and you make find that he also decides not to go. What will you have accomplished then? I am also concerned that if the kids know you don't approve of them being together that they may resort to sneaking around.</p>
<p>Doesn't matter if it's Christian or not, in my opinion. If you don't think your D is ready for an active sexual life, do not send her to a co-ed summer camp. Full stop.</p>
<p>If she has a serious boyfriend, she should see a physician about maintaining abstinence and birth control.</p>
<p>Is your daughter sad because she can't go to this Christian camp, or because she doesn't get to spend 1 week with her boyfriend. The second one, I suppose. She is young and in love, and obviously they came up with a plan to beat yours. </p>
<p>I personally would not want my 15-year-old spending the week with her bf in the woods; I guess I would tend towards having a frank talk about why my D could not go on this camp anymore. And then I would be prepared to let them stay in town and hang out together that week.</p>
<p>At least she was honest and let you know that he is also going to the camp. I mean, you may never have found out, right?</p>
<p>Some camps have very strict rules that would make it harder to have sex their than at home. Most are not that way. Unless you know for a fact that this program is extremely structured with strict rules and lots of supervision, I agree with Cheers. I particularly agree that you should take her to her doctor's, let them have a confidential appointment, and leave it at that. She needs and deserves a visit with her physician about this. I worry about kids that age in serious relationships who aren't old enough to make an appointment and drive to their doctor's office.</p>
<p>*My husband and I approved of our freshman D to go to a one week Christian camp program (w/ hundreds of high school kids attending) this summer. Since then, her boyfriend (not Christian at all, not that it matters) has decided to go too. (BTW, he's a junior).</p>
<p>They have been together now for 6 months and seem to be pretty serious. We thought this camp would give her a break from the relationship and allow her to meet new people. Now that he is going, that goal has gone down the drain.*</p>
<p>When my kids were in high school ( before too) we chose summer opportunities together, with major input from the kids. I also was very upfront about my preferences for certain activities and why.</p>
<p>many kids choose a camp they attend with friends. Just because their friends are attending, doesn't mean they will have little chance to meet other kids- particulary if there may be activities segregated by sex or age and their friends fall into a different category.</p>
<p>While both my girls attended a residential camp, and I suppose in some cases there was unwanted behavior, my older D was also staff for several years, and they kept a pretty close eye on the kids- I suppose camps vary, but I also don't think that getting to be with a lot of different kids in the summer is a bad thing for a teen.
Especially if this is the main chance she gets without a lot of adults around like on family trips.
I think that camps can be very important toward helping kids to mature, at least I have seen that with my kids & that would outweigh wanting to keep them away from a special friend</p>
<p>I wanted to add some clarification
The summer camp my kids attended ( and the one my youngest will be volunteer staff this summer) is a camp fire camp and there are kids from 6 to 18. not hundreds of teens which would give a different feel.
Also, D has been attending this camp since she was 8, for at least two weeks every summer. Last year, she also had summer school for a good portion of summer, but this summer I am happy to say, she will get to spend most of her summer at camp.
Im as familiar with this camp as I can be, without having attended as a kid, and I think it is a great experience.</p>
<p>Just curious. If the kid is not Christian at all, does he have any clue about a Christian camp? Won't there be singing about God, worshipping and praying? Is he okay with all that?</p>
<p>My two S's attended a Christian camp every summer through 8th grade (14 years old). At their camp, there were activities planned all day every day and the counselors were constantly with the their group. Lots of singing around the campfire, etc. There was no opportunity to wander off for other "adventures" unless of course they left the cabin at night when all others were sleeping. It's a tough call.</p>
<p>I think it is ok to say you can't go to camp for valid reasons. </p>
<p>If it is only to separate them and you would let her go otherwise, not sure if that is a good thing. I do think wanting to spend limited resources on family trips IS a valid reason and honestly, kids don't need camp every year....enrichment is lost after a couple of times. </p>
<p>Side note: My experience in observiing many of these "christian" camps/ youth groups is That is where many lose their virginity. The supervision may be less as it is a "christian" activity. Parent chaperones may be naive b/c of that. I never said you cant go but i never really pushed it..... I am not saying all are like that....however, i have heard MANY stories of girls hooking up at "christian camps" or on these "youth group trips to the beach."</p>
<p>I dont' think it ever works to forbid contact. Making it inconvenient is fair game though. I am not sure I would have told her if you did, that it was b/c of boyfriend.</p>
<p>I hate to say this, but I think there's a simple test you can apply to your decisions: Are you doing this to interfere with your child's relationship with her boyfriend? If so, (a) it's inappropriate, (b) more likely than not, it will not work as intended, and in fact (c) more likely than not, it will blow up in your face.</p>
<p>I understand and appreciate the love and concern behind your decisions. But my experience, as a teen and as a parent, does not provide much evidence that parents can manipulate their children's relationships successfully. Sometimes, they succeed in manipulating the relationship unsuccessfully, and that's the worst outcome of all. More often, they just cause resentment and bring the couple closer (or drive them apart if what they're trying to do is the opposite). If there's something that troubles you about the boy and the relationship, chances are that it troubles your daughter, too, but your intervention may make it harder for her to trust her own instincts and to act on them.</p>
<p>I agree with the people who say let her find her own way, armed, of course, with the information you make certain she has, and the moral education you have given and continue to give her. Apply some "tough love" to yourselves. Even if you "win" this time, you're setting yourselves and your daughter up for a very unhealthy dynamic over the next few years, and, believe me, you are not going to win them all.</p>
<p>So: Don't send her to Christian camp to get her away from her boyfriend, and don't not send her to Christian camp to get her away from her boyfriend.</p>
<p>I'm having a hard time with this question because my kids were not allow to have boyfriends/ girlfriends or date in freshman year of high school. And, no, they didn't rebel. (They're actually more conservative than I was at their ages.) So based on that, I probably wouldn't send them. </p>
<p>However, with your <em>givens</em>... I think a lot depends on your knowledge and relationship with your daughter. I might decide that <em>before</em> he goes to a Christian camp, he should go to church with us. That way, he can understand the religion and we can get to know him as a family in an environment that's important to us. I would also talk to the organizers, chaperones and parents who've sent their kids previous years to find out the set-up. Just for your consideration... Sometimes, Christian camps for teens have strong abstinence lectures. </p>
<p>By the way, my dc have attended Christian camps and I've never met parents who thought it was ok if their kids dated people outside Christianity. So again, I may be missing something here.</p>
<p>if the reason you were sending her was because of the christian faith enviroment that you felt would be good for your D you have now said the faith experience isn't that important. You emphasided not trusting your D.</p>
<p>I agree with other posters that be OPEN and HONEST with your D is the key to them making sound and most importantly SAFE choices, they may not always be your choices.</p>
<p>I would not assume supervision would be less because it is a christian camp ,the reality is if they want to "hook up" or do anything else they will find a way.</p>
<p>It is about honesty, if D has never done anything to make you question that trust then why take it away?</p>
<p>From my experience, many kids who go away to co-ed camps, end up "pairing up" while they are there. It's kind of a contest to see who ends up with a relationship by the end of the week. Even when we went away to girl scout camp, we somehow found the closest boyscout camp near by.</p>
<p>If the camp is well-run and the kids have lots of close supervision, I would not worry. Make sure you are in touch with the administrators and they understand your concern. Your D and her boyfriend might not even spend much time together...
BTW, I am not in favor of coed camps, Christian or otherwise.</p>