Ditto what @mom2and said.
@Mom2aphysicsgeek Your Story sounds more like mines , it’s all about individuality, and our spectrum is wide from PhD, to Chef, to my baby girl who loves the drums, I was once interviewed for a local newspaper and they asked what was my secret my response was there is no secret, you will know their likes dislikes goals etc. I told them when my first son was 8 he said dad I want to be a judge , the next day I came home with a gavel and a name plate, few years later Dr, I came home with a stethoscope, lawyer I knocked on every attorneys door I could find until one said yes. The beauty of having 4 kids for myself is the difference in personalities dreams and not to mention clothing styles. Thats why I’m guessing jean just the one child of mind who will do his way and that’s fine with me.
I agree there’s absolutely no way you can choose their college , my first chose that path because it was best suited for him , my daughter chose early college then 4 year University because it was best for her career choice , and the same will apply with Baby Boy he will chose and I will support him , thanks for your response
My general observation is that sometimes kids like this do much better in life than their more conventionally-motivated peers 
I would only be concerned if he totally lacks interest in anything, including arts, work, volunteering, sports, music etc. beyond academics.
Freedom from the hunger for external motivators (like grades, or teacher approval) can be a big factor in maturity and success long term.
If you think he has an issue to be looked into (attention, thyroid disorder, whatever) that is a different story. But otherwise, he sounds like a kid with good character, modest and private, who marches to his own drummer.
ps you may meet prejudice due to your user name, which I can understand might be from your first kid’s admissions
My best friend’s older son had perfect SAT scores and far from perfect high school grades. He just wasn’t motivated to do well, and especially to jump through the hoops of actually handing in homework and such. He ended up at one of the LACs in Maine, did fine once he realized that being a good math student in high school did not translate into having the chops to be a mathematician. He’s long since graduated and is doing fine in a people oriented profession.
You haven’t said much about what he does like to do. My older son was happy (most of the time) to do what it took to get A’s. (But not one thing more to the amusement of his AP Bio teacher who related how he spent extra class time reading books about computer theory not polishing up lab reports.)
What is your son interested in? With my kids I tried to encourage their enthusiasms and expose them to real world opportunities to use their gifts. That was easy for my computer guy, a bit harder for the one, but he did end up expanding an interest in origami to selling origami earrings to local galleries.
@mom2and You’ve hit the nail on the head in so many ways especially the lack of competitiveness which is mind boggling because he’s won quite a few competitions from County Spelling Bees to math competitions. I think people confuse my concern about him maximizing his potential with me wanting or pushing him to Ivey League or some other great college. Far from the truth, my concern as a father is that I release him with all the necessary tools to survive in this world regardless if he never steps foot on a college campus. I just was curious if anyone had a similar experience and I see quite a few have so I do feel pretty relieved and will now just enjoy the ride
^^ Good point about attention issues.
Excellent standardized test scores that aren’t reflected in classroom grades can be an indicator for attention and executive function issues. Think about that possibility as well. While he is in high school he can get help with improving his compensation skills. Once he’s in college, that help won’t be free any more.
@ucbalumnus not sure how you confused me inquiring about parents with a child with similar traits as my son as far as motivation with getting him to Harvard or Yale. He’s a junior in high school and that’s where my focus is , if I’m missing something please explain
What IS your concern? I’m not really clear on that. Your kid has a great SAT score so luckily can take standardized testing off his college prep to do list.
Not sure what you are asking here? Motivation is internal…to the person. Not external.
@mathmom he’s always been a homebody doesn’t care much for the social life outdoors but does engage via internet. Right now he’s 16 his interest are video games and talking on the phone, he’s good at many things he played sports for a while did well then lost interest same with playing instruments, he has volunteered with the local hospice he really enjoyed that also at the Hospital he seemed to really like those things,
@happymomof1 I’ve heard that before and with this one sometimes I think we and many others give him to much attention. I hesitate to believe attention is his particular issue because one thing I can say is he’s very well and sometimes outspoken, he has no issue expressing himself,now outside of the home he’s more reserved and somewhat shy especially at school, basically he seems to despise attention sometimes, what I’m getting from you guys is that he’s just a normal 16 year old and I can relax which is a good thing thanks
@YaleNHarvardDad From your posts, I can tell you are a great Dad who wants his children to find their happiness and live up to their potential–like most of us. I think you got the right stuff. Just an aside, sometimes when I feel my kids are not listening to my suggestions or concerns, I’ve given them a signal to use that acknowledges my concerns, but tells me to back off. They just say, “Mom, that’s an interesting idea.” I get it right away that they hear me but are doing their own thing. Funny thing is that communication goes both ways, so now when they tell me things they think I should be doing, I use the same tag line. We all start laughing. Agree with you and others that we all have to find our own path and development proceeds on its own course in each of us when its ready to.
@thumper1 I was merely trying to see if anyone had a child with similar attributes as my son the test score is a very small part of who he is , I’m not a parent who claims to have all the answers so I’m not afraid to seek, in a nut shell very bright kid full of potential but doesn’t seem to really care in my personal opinion, I wanted to know if others walked in my shoes and now I see plenty have and shared great advice with me namely to not put to much into he will be alright , hope that explained a little better
The bottom line is you can encourage him to try harder, you can talk until you are blue in the face about the grades needed for a top college, and then you have to stop. He knows what it take to get into Yale, as his brother did it. By junior year, it is on him. If you think it is a real issue like ADD or anxiety, then I would have him talk to a counselor or at least his GC. But if it is simply that he doesn’t want to push himself, he may “settle” for less than he could be. If that is his chosen path, then you have to (as a long ago poster said) “love the kid on the couch”, not the kid he could be and you need to be OK with that.
Believe me, it is not easy to watch a kid with a tremendous amount of potential not use it. And hard to watch other kids soar, while yours (who could also soar), chooses to walk. But it is his life, not ours, and we have to let them find their own path.
@preppedparent hahaha our code is I get it Dad , and off to my room I go. Surprisingly or not I internalize a lot of what I’m thinking or feeling becasue I’m aware of the stress that can be put on a child and the consequences when gone to far so I’m very careful in that area, my kids just know that Dads ears are a 24 hour business always open , you’re absolutely right I’m just like all others I want the best for my kids and that begins with their happiness in doing what they desire
I have a son who is extremely bright - high test scores, top grades in honors and AP courses in high school. He did not participate in any extracurriculars in high school, did not do community service - he spent his time writing, playing and recording music, which was what he really liked to do. He knew what he “should” have done, but he chose not to do those things. He really did not have much interest in college, but he applied because his school made sure he did. He went to school … just that. He graduated with honors, but he didn’t really put much effort into it. He now says two things: 1) He is glad he went to college right away, because he might not have gone if he waited; 2) He didn’t have the maturity at the time to do the things he should have done to make himself an attractive candidate for a job. It’s not all as simple as what I have laid out here - it never is - but the bottom line is that my child is who he is. He is a smart, wonderful young man who is living his life. As parents, we give them what we can, and the rest is theirs to figure out.
@mom2collegekids let’s clear this up ok My youngest son has zero interest in Yale Harvard or any other Ivey we actually spoke about it yesterday and his top choice was Duke followed by UNC , it’s not about what college he chooses and his grades are still within range to get into many excellent schools. I just wanted to know was his approach or way common , how do we keep getting back to Yale or Harvard they’re 2 totally different kids
My D was kind of like your S, but attended one of the most academically rigorous high schools in the nation–a NYC selective public high school. (60%+ of the class was National Merit Commended or better.) School did not rank, but she was probably at about the 80th%. Test scores, including achievement tests and AP scores, were near perfect. (Though # of APs were nothing like the #s I see posted here.)
We had a crisis in a different subject every year. She’s great at the “big picture,” but got her grades lowered for undone or late homework and some terrible scores on daily or pop quizzes. If she didn’t like a teacher, she’d get a bad grade. Plus, she just isn’t good at one subject.
However…she did two traditional ECs and excelled in both. They are an atypical mix–and, at the time, males predominated in both. Plus, she did a gazillion other ECs. She spent WAY too much time on ECs–I’m talking 60 hours a week.
She also had a couple of teachers and a mentor who really cared about her. They wrote wonderful LORs.
She got into a top school despite the grades…and her gpa in college was one heck of a lot higher than in high school. Part of it was that there’s less “busy work” in college. Part of it was you take more courses in fields you like. Part of it was her interests aligned more with college than high school subjects.
She continued her most passionate EC in college. A lot of years later, her closest friends are people she met through that EC. Moreover, the skill set she learned from it is more directly related to her career than any subject she studied in high school.
So, try to relax. Maybe your S’s passion will be urban studies, anthropology, linguistics, philosophy, medieval studies or something else that isn’t taught in his high school. Maybe focusing on a few big tests, projects, etc. will be easier for him. Maybe he’ll just grow up.
You are laughing now. But don’t be surprised if your kid moves far away and is somehow too busy to spend much time with you once he is out of college. If you hassle him too much, and try to push him down a path that isn’t of his choosing, that may very well be the end result.
@kelsmom excellent response and that’s how I feel , although I pointed out his traits I never said I intervened and tried to change who he really is , I was under the impression that a forum like this would give me tips or share similar stories but most have assumed I’m some Tiger Dad Who’s pushing my son to Ivey Leagues far from it , I remember a young girl committed suicide while my son was in college I’d never be that parent , thanks you really get it