This thread reminds me of the now famous Steve Jobs’s Stanford Commencement speech in 2005 “Connecting the Dots.” If you haven’t read it recently, give it a read. He dropped our of Reed because he wasn’t engaged and his adoptive parents were using their life savings…and he turned out okay.
@preppedparent believe it or not every comment is helpful in one way or another, just as kids think differently so do we as parents
What is your kid’s current GPA? What courses is he taking?
Are you equating “motivated” to getting top HS grades? If so…that’s not really totally true.
@mom2and your son sounds like mine. My son who got a 5 on the Calc BC test and 800s in SAT 1 Math and SAT Subject Math 2 couldn’t get higher than a B- in his Calc BC class because he didn’t turn in his homework. And the same kid somehow ends up in a Top-20 university and gets an A- in Calculus 3.
OP, I wouldn’t stress out quite yet. I’m sure your son will find his passion once he’s in college. My kid realized that college wasn’t as daunting as he thought and did pretty well first semester without Mom and Dad worrying about him.
YalenHarvard Dad: I think you are taking a lot of abuse based on your user name. Some folks have mistakenly assumed you are seeking the Ivy league ( although that is patently not what you said-repeatedly).
One thing I will throw into the mix is parents. Yep, that’s us. My kids have told us repeatedly how can I do the same ( or better). Both of us have some pretty big stars next to our names (including great colleges, starting and selling businesses, and more). I never dreamed this would happen when I was 18. I always tell them-You need to make your own path and follow it. I do NOT want you to go to any of the colleges we attended or do any of the same things. You are your own people in your own time. Both of us, as parents came from very,very little and still achieved the American dream. I was always very very hungry so I cannot understand when my kids aren’t. We talk about it. We talk about native skill and hunger. This helps but is difficult given where we are in life.
A learning process for me was a few years ago. One of my kids got recruited for an odd sport, then made the selected regional team with 5 kids on the national team. They practiced hard and long. My kid alongside these other kids who lived and breathed the sport. My kid placed first in two competitions. It was clearly something s/he had talent in. Talent but no interest. ZERO. It was ME that wanted it to help distinguish him/her from other kids and make it easier down the road ( applying to college etc). We still laugh about it. The coach had seen this before. He told me, you need the skill which is hard and the hunger without both you can only win up to some point. He even said once “You’re good but you don’t have the mindset to win”. He was right. Once it was over, s/he found another sport and that was the beginning of real passion.
YalenHarvard Dad I feel for you. You want the best for your son and you want him to use ALL of his gifts. You’d like him to see the world with the hindsight of many years. He may get there in the traditional sense or he might become an entrepeneur and get there in another manner. He’ll find his way. You seem like a great dad and filled with love. A kid like that always is in a good position in life. And you won’t have to pay for Kaplan SAT prep!
@thumper1 It’s like I can’t find anything he’s passionate about , his gets good grades but rarely studies which is why I say he could do better and at times it seems to me he’s content with that let me put it like this my daughter who graduated college last year was the hardest working C student in the WORLD . Nothing came easy to her C’s to me were celebrated like straight A’s. I always knew she did her best and I was the proudest dad ever when she got her degree. My baby Boy he’s whatever he wants to be also , he’s never been a C student but he will fiddle around the border until the progress reports sometimes then it’s like night and day he will ace it from there on out. Just can’t figure out why he does that , Like is it he doesn’t really care or just like myself a big procrastinator
agree with @Happytimes2001 You’re getting some heat because of your name, giving the impression you’re all about HYPMS. I really do think that development proceeds in an individual way. It may be his personality or he may just one day decide to go after his goals with everything he’s got. Agree with you that every comment is helpful. I really like hearing different opinions from mine, so that I can learn something. thanks
@Happytimes2001 I chose the name after looking on the site it was evident that most used the schools in their name, so I believe you’re right they’re stuck at my username . I laughed at the sports story because I have the one and only picture of him playing a sport (football) that took me the entire season before I found out he had zero interest in sports. I keep it hanging as a reminder , thankfully once he conveyed his feelings with me I removed him immediately, if you could see his face in the pic you would instantly know. It still bothers me that I didn’t know but I was a much younger father then and vowed it wouldn’t and hasn’t happened again. Thanks for understanding and being so candid
Thanks @preppedparent and likewise I say I’m due time right now I’m enjoying his youth my first 2 left in a flash
similarly I have a D that we celebrate every good grade with. Has an LD and got into a great school. Works hard at everything. My current HS Jr, is similar to yours in that he tests really well, and gets good enough grades, but if he put in 10% more effort, wow! One thing he has said to me, when he has done poorly, is that he doesnt know how to study, as up until recently everything just came natural to him. Whereas my D from the start had to always work hard. I have concerns about my S going to college and turning in the work, and studying. In college he wont be able to turn work in late, and schmooze the professors. He does have a passion in what he wants to do, so we shall see in a few years. But I sit here and think, if only he put in the extra 10%. But it has to come from him.
@sdl0625 Just That 10% More seems so resonable until you hear from other parents. But I’m with you we have very similar concerns
@Hamurtle thank you I’m gonna be patient
If you don’t think he is having a mental health issue and seems happy, leave him alone. That is my take. Stop dissecting his personality (and pretty clearly pushing him to be more passionate about things in conversation with him). It will just push him away.
You seem like a great Dad (get a new user name for better responses!). Consider ADHD or fatigue, and consider video game addiction- but only suggestions from afar with absolutely no knowledge and most likely not relevant. Otherwise it sounds like all is well and he marches to his own drummer, which is always a good thing. He is lucky to have you.
@YaleNHarvardDad - One of the challenges with executive function issues and other things in the ADD family, is that people can be completely on top of things that are interesting to them (such as the focused challenge of completing a standardized exam), but not on top of things that aren’t interesting to them, or from which they become distracted by something that is immediately more interesting. That can lead to such patterns as all A grades in classes X, Y, Z and not-remotely-A grades for classes L, M, N that are not so intriguing, or just over all not-as-good-as-expected grades because of routinely forgetting to turn in completed homework. If you see anything like that in your kid, it is worth discussing with the guidance office.
@intparent Thank you when I say we talk all the time it’s just that we are really close , I’m an excellent listener trust there’s absolutely no pressure put on my kids , one thing I’ve learned is you can’t pass down or create motivation they have to want what ever it is for self, I was only curious as to how many others had a child like mines, thanks for your response
FWIW, very bright but mediocre grades is a pattern that is consistent with (but NOT diagnostic of) ADHD.
High test score, not as high (relatively speaking) grades: my older daughter. She got into college, loved her time there, graduated, and is mostly supporting herself with work in her fields of choice (writing) and necessity (serving). I occasionally attempted to motivate her (mostly unsuccessfully) to do her homework but never to find her passions, because she had them and even if she didn’t, ones I found for her wouldn’t be hers.
@BasicOhioParent thanks it’s hard to explain all his test scores are consistent he does extremely well on finals ,standardized test etc, but when it comes to homework he’s sometimes slack as far as the quality of his work, if he has a project or an assignment due say like. 3 weeks he’s often up at then eleventh hour because he waited so long to start. He always seem to perform at his highest when the pressure is on
@rosered55 Thank you that might be the way mines is headed