Please critique my Common App essay!

Applying to College Common and Coalition Application
1

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>I'm filling out my common App right now and just finished the first draft of my essay. Please bear in mind: this is the first draft and I will perform some revisions.</p>

<p>What I want to know from you guys is if the language used is appropriate, if the message of the essay gets across clearly and if I need to focus less/more on one particular aspect of the essay, along with other general critique that may strike you as necessary.</p>

<p>Please reply to this thread if you are willing to do so. I'll send you a PM with the essay and my email address (because quite a few people I know prefer critiquing on Word and attaching that to an email).</p>

<p>Speed is of the essence here! Please help!</p>

2

<p>pm it to me</p>

3

<p>I PMed it yo you! Is anyone else interested? I need more opinions, please! It’s not that bad :P</p>

4

<p>Pm me if you want</p>

5

<p>I did PM you. Thanks for the help :)</p>

<p>Anyone else interested?</p>

6

<p>can you read mine if i read yours??</p>

7

<p>PM me I’ll read it !!:)</p>