<p>Thank you for taking your time to edit my college essay! I am having trouble organizing my paragraphs, and the strength of my conclusion. Is there too much cliche? Please make good criticism! Thank you!! </p>
<h1>(500 words limit; I currently have 484)Common App essay Question 1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.</h1>
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<pre><code> I, paralyzed and confused, stepped in front of the classroom door, with nothing to say except “I am new.”I said this, in front of the class, in such an incomprehensible accent that the teacher asked for a Spanish-speaking student to translate for me. He sat next to me, glancing at my perplexed face and the Spanish-English dictionary that I held in my hands. He became my companion, and I followed him everywhere, always dependent on him. Soon enough, I realized that he lost interest in me, and started to ignore me. He told me that one day I will be alone in mysterious worlds, with nothing but my mind and that I should always be a helping hand for others in need. I was not able to etch these words into my brain, because I was too timid, too afraid to overcome the obstacle called English. It was, indeed, a challenge for me to adopt a new language into my everyday life.
When I saw the red “95” on my history exam, I jumped up and said “Yes! I never thought I could get this grade. Now, I must aim for 100's.”This was my first ambition after I came to the United States just 3 weeks ago. It was unbelievable, because my companion was right about the powers of the mind, the tools, and assistance. With nothing but my Spanish-English dictionary, I began to study independently for exams, and consequently filled my empty cup with the English language. After 6th grade, I started to comprehend simple English sentences and vocabulary, but it was not enough. Therefore, I always looked for help whenever it was available, constantly asking “How do you say this?” “What does this mean?” but nothing was more helpful than helping myself.
From an “English As Second Language”student to an AP English student, my mastery in English increased as my Spanish-English dictionary deteriorated through its usage. I became a “dictionary” to help people learn other languages, especially computing, because I knew how it felt to be in the same circumstances.
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<p>“Do you want to go to the old school or this one?” asked my mom, who sat with me in front of the Dyker Heights Junior High School one chilly November morning. I was going to 7th grade, and I was struggling to admit to her the thrilling fear that coursed through my body, the fear of advancing and exploring the very “mysterious worlds” that my companion warned me about. But I overcame that by going to the more difficult school, which whispered to me “Stop being afraid, we are here to advance.” Thereafter, I became a student with a passion to understand it all, to know English and be able to express my thoughts with unprecedented distinction. Even though learning English was an enormous obstacle, it was simply a test of my perseverance, and I am willing to face any challenge that awaits me.</p>
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