<p>You nead a thesis.</p>
<p>I love to read the news – whether it be CNN.com or my local newspaper, I find it interesting and good to understand the world around me. Sadly, many news stories today revolve around deranged celebrities. Who would have though that the adorable Britney Spears would have turned into the “basket-case” she is today? Clearly, her life of ease and wealth had terrible effects on Spears’ character. This is an example of ease and comfort harming, stead of helping, a person.</p>
<p>Um… I don’t really know what to say. Get rid of the word I. Ultimately, we don’t care if you love to read the news. That has nothing to do with your point. Get to the point! Explain how she was damaged. And tell me: how do you explain that it was her ease and comfortable living that led her to be what you call a “basket-case”? You need support.</p>
<p>Okay, your move to Indiana introduced you to “events and people who shook me out of mjy shyness and helped me to discover your true character.” Give examples. What events, what people? What shyness, what true character? I have no clue what you’re talking about. And what does this have to do with adversity? I didn’t see a single piece of adversity in the paragraph at all. First you need a thesis to base your essay on. Everything you say in your essay has to revolve around your thesis.</p>
<p>Read this:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/466332-please-grade-my-essay-adversity.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/466332-please-grade-my-essay-adversity.html</a></p>
<p>No topic sentence. Examples of adversity are needed. And how does what you say support your argument, that it is adversity that led to growth? What does adversity have to do with it? You don’t explain that in this paragraph, and not in any of your paragraphs.</p>
<p>I’d give this a 2 or 3, but no higher.</p>