Please Grade My Essay Out Of 12

<p>Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power? </p>

<p>It is undeniable that the desire for money, power, and fame trump any reservations that someone's conscience may harbor. Throughout history the hunger for personal advancement; whether financially or promotionally, has been a driving force in the life of men.</p>

<p>The classic example that embodies this concept is found in the play Macbeth by Shakespeare. Macbeth's hunger for personal advancement is too great a force to be held back. From the onset it is clear that Macbeth's conscience had no hold on his actions. The brutal murders of Duncan and others are evidence that fame and money are able to blind men into acting irrationally and with little regard for those around them. Macbeth's conscience trys to break through, as seen in the hallucination scene, but it lacks the emotional hold that power and money have over men. Through the duration of the play it is painfully clear that Macbeth's desire for the throne will result in his ultimate demise both emotionally and physically. The thirst for personal gain overwhelmed any conscience that Macbeth may have possessed. The death of his character was nothing more than a narrative of the stories of men throughout time who have fallen victim to the charms of the promise of wealth and power.</p>

<p>There is also undeniable scientific proof that supports the theory that wealth blinds morals. The National Center for Behavioral Research (NCBR) published a study in which they chronicled people's responses to a variety of prompts. These prompts were designed to test whether or not the desire for wealth superceded morals. The subjects encountered scenarios that gave them a large monetary gain, but at some moral or psychological expense. The overwhelming majority of participants chose the money and exhibited a disregard for the consequences. The NCBR concluded that human brains are programmed to ensure the survival of the individual, and that an increase of wealth and power was a survival technique. They stated that given the choice of helping someone else or helping themselves; the overwhelming majority of humans would look out for their own self interests. This proves that conscience takes second string to natural instincts of survival. Subsequently this means that humans will have a natural tendency to advance their own agendas even at the expense of their percieved conscience or morals.</p>

<p>The idea that conscience holds precedence over wealth and power is a false notion of idealism. It is clear that humans will look after theirself, often at the demise of percieved morals. Money, fame, and power capture the mind of men who are unable to relinquish the innate desire for more.</p>

<p>Would really appreciate a great out of 12 and some critiques, thanks</p>

<p>This is really top notch. I can’t imagine it not getting a 12. You go into really great details and your examples are very persuasive. Did you make up that thing about the NCBR? You’re writing doesn’t contain many errors that would distract the reader, and even those errors are acceptable considering you’re writing under a time constraint. I don’t know enough to actually critique anything you said because your writing is so strong. I’m sure you’ll get a 12. Good lookin’ out.</p>

<p>Thanks and yeah the entire paragraph about NCBR was completely made up on the spot. Cab I have another opinion from someone? Is this definitely good enough for a 12? thanks</p>

<p>I’d say 5.</p>

<p>The NCBR stuff is strong because you are a providing a biological basis (survival) for greedy motivations over altruistic ones. The Macbeth example isnt as strong- is it the “emotional hold”? Or is it “thirst for personal gain”? When ever you discuss an example, you have to be conscious of explaining why it isnt a “one off” that just applies to that particular case. Is there something about being just one stab away from the throne that would override anyone’s morals?</p>

<p>I like the contrary position you took to the prompt, however it almost carries with it some obligation to address the examples given in the prompt text (" Yet history gives us many examples of individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or a principle that they regarded as more important than their own lives.") by way of refutation. You could do that perhaps by knocking down an supposed exemplar like Gandhi or maybe Bernie Madoff (who had been known for his charity). Or you can use the conclusion to point out just how rare those cases are.</p>