This is my first ever attempt at doing a SAT essay prompt
“Have young people today lost traditional values such as respect for elders and concern for others?”
The attitudes and conduct of children are shaped by environmental and a myriad of other factors. Their values are influenced by friends, family, and anyone else close to them. I partially disagree with Peter the Hermi’t opinion regarding children’s respect toward elders.
How a child feels about respecting elders is influenced bu where and with whom they mingle with on a daily basis. This leads to the famous dilemma of nature vs. nurture. What the parents value will be communicated to the child and that child will take that as a firm touchstone for his or her typical behavior. If the parents constantly tell their children about how respect to elders is a pivotal role in life, the child will probably behave in a way that please the parents. Friends also have an impact on values as the children will be influenced by their manners and conduct.
‘If Sara doesn’t bother saying good morning to Mrs. Wellington, why should I?’
Ofen at a young age, entertainment shows impact children’s behavior. They will perceive their favorite cartoon characters as something positive, and will thus regard them as worthy of emulation. In a Bengali television show I occasionallly see my cousins watching back at Bangladesh, the main character, Chutni, is potrayed as a sassy girl who talks back at her moter and pays no heed to her admonitions and advice. Instead Chutni utters her famous catch phrase “Bust a hip!”. My cousins, aged 6 and 9, soon began to say the exact phrase and acting like Chutni. Their mother was exasperated and had to unsubscribe from the channel. She kept telling them over and over again about how repsect was important in the Bengali culture and about how their attitude to her was unacceptable according to Bengali social standards. Eventually they caught on, but it was a lengthy process.
Do young people think egotisitically without regard and repsect for others? It depends on the values of the society they live in, influences of parents and friends, and evironmental factors such as the televisions show, Chutni. Of course, values differ from one culture to another. This means that not all children are inherently disrespectful to their elders. The generalization is not appicable to every single child.
In a SAT essay you need to take a position and stick to it. It looks like you are irresolute here since you said it is not applicable to every single child, but only to some. The prompt is a question. It asked whether children have lost respect or not. You don’t partially disagree, you completely agree or completely disagree because the graders are looking to see if you can take a position and defend it. Being irresolute makes your essay weak.
Another point you will want to fix is your first example, or, rather lack of. You wrote about parents influencing their children in the nature vs. nurture argument. But you didn’t give a concrete example. You simply gave a theory. If you had written something more concrete then the essay would be stronger. Here’s an example :“My friend Sarah was influenced by her parents. They used to like pie, and ate it every day. She detested pie, but, her parents influenced her, and she came to love pie…”.
Another point you want to fix is the lack of transition between your two paragraphs. After the nature vs. Nurture paragraph, you jumped to the Chutni paragraph. There is nothing relating the two, and the essay seems choppy because you suddenly jumped between ideas. Make sure to use transitions next time.
Also, make sure you answer the question. The prompt asked whether young people have lost traditional values. However, you wrote an essay about why young people might lose the traditional values. This doesn’t answer the prompt that well, and will make the essay weak.
One last point that I want to point out is the length of the essay. Longer essays get better scores, and if you aren’t filling a single page then it might look bad. Try to fill 1.5 pages since that will look better.
Nice job on the vocab! You used SAT level words that will make your essay earn a higher score. Using words like myriad will help your score.
This was your first essay, so problems like these should occur. You can fix them now, instead of making these errors on the SAT. Good luck on getting that 12 essay!
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it! 
Can you give an example of a transition I could use between the paragraphs?
2 full pages will look even better!!
The essay needs to flow, so something as follows would be good.
"Friends and family influence children's behavior. These people are close to a child. However, there are exterior sources which impact children's behavior. One of these sources is television. Children emulate the characters they see on television because they think that they are positive role models. In Bangladesh my cousins emulate a character named Chutni...."
@SONNY0001 thank you for the heads up! 
@CHD2013 Yes indeed it will! :disagree: