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<p>Assignment: Should we pay more attention to people who are older and more experienced than we are?</p>

<p>Although oftentimes teenagers like to believe that they are more knowledgeable in making decisions than are adults, it is not so. In contrast, more, not less, attention should be paid to those who are older and more experienced. After all, they are erudite and know how to handle situations. As Chief Blackheart of the Sioux tribe and Harry Potter can both attest, it is a wise idea to listen to those who are older and have more experience.</p>

<p>During the harsh winter of 1824, the Sioux tribe was at war with a neighboring tribe. Chief Blackheart of the Sioux tribe understood that it was too cold to be attacking the Chippewa tribe, but the tribal members pushed him to take advantage of the unforgiving weather and wage a surprise attack on the naive and unsuspecting members of the Chippewa tribe. After pondering the possible consequences of either decision, Chief Blackheart consulted a few tribal elders. The elders unanimously decided from past experience that it would be more advantageous to not attack in such cold conditions. Later that spring, Chief Blackheart was able to lead the Sioux tribe to victory because his tribal members were well-rested and uninjured. Had they attempted the surprise attack, several crucial members would have been weak and injured. The elders' experiences proved to be correct.</p>

<p>Moreover, Harry Potter also learns that one should pay more attention to those older and more experienced. Whereas most wizards and wtiches could not tell him why he had survived Voldemort's attacks and curses, Dumbledore, the sage of the series, could. In addition, it is Dumbledore who guides Harry throughout the novels, such as when he informs Harry of Voldemort's horcruxes, which were essential to Harry's final victory over Voldemort.</p>

<p>In conclusion, as Harry and Chief Blackheart of the Sioux tribe both discovered, it is wisest to listen to the wise - the older and more experienced.</p>

<p>I know my Harry Potter example and conclusion weren't as developed since I ran out of time, but I'd really appreciate it if someone could give me feedback! Thanks! :)</p>

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<p>any suggestion?</p>

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<p>anyone…?</p>

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<p>Hey!</p>

<p>Well, I’m not as seasoned in the writing section of the SAT, unlike many of the CC members, who easily can write essays worth 12/12.</p>

<p>However, I’ll provide my 2 cents of advice.</p>

<p>First of all, excellent introduction. I loved your vocabulary like “Erudite” and “Attest”.
You did a good job restating the prompt, and your structure statement is impeccable.</p>

<p>I would, however, take out the “oftentimes” in the introduction. Reason: Wordiness.</p>

<p>Your first supporting paragraph on the Sioux tribe is a good summary… However, I do not think that it asserts your thesis. This is because of two major reasons:</p>

<p>You state that “Had they attempted the surprise attack, several crucial members would have been weak and injured.” First of all, this is speculation. We do not know if they “would have been weak and injured.” Also, how do you know that it would have been the “several crucial members”? This paragraph’s fatal flaw also lies in the fact that the young are not in contrast with the old, which is what your thesis implies. The young are arguing for a surprise attack. The old are arguing to wait out for a while. Waiting out does not necessarily imply the obviation of a surprise attack. By changing the young blood’s position to that of an imminent attack, your paragraph would support your thesis quite strongly.</p>

<p>I believe that your second paragraph is quite stronger, except for the fact that “most wizards and witches” aren’t described as being young. Again, according to your thesis, you call for us to pay more attention to the wise and older. State that the witches and wizards are teenagers, and you have a convincing argument. </p>

<p>Overall I would say that you have a good framework in mind: Just work on getting it out on paper. I liked your vocab, and introduction paragraph structure. Just focus on asserting your thesis in your paragraphs, and you will be as good as gold.</p>

<p>Good luck, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!</p>

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<p>Thank you so much! Yeah, I realized that the logic for my paragraph on the Sioux tribe was flawed as I was close to the end of it, but I didn’t want to spend additional time going back and rewriting it since I’m always short on time. I’ll try to think that through more carefully next time though! :)</p>

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<p>You are very welcome :slight_smile: Glad I could help!</p>

<p>If you don’t mind, could you please assess my essay as well? </p>

<p>I’d really appreciate it!</p>

<p>The link: <a href=“SAT Green Book Essay- Grade Pls. - SAT Preparation - College Confidential Forums”>SAT Green Book Essay- Grade Pls. - SAT Preparation - College Confidential Forums;