<p>Please if you have the time, read on. This is more or less psychological and I want the opinions of as many people here as possible (so if you do read this, please share it with a friend so they can answer). Please be kind and understanding...</p>
<p>To summarize, lately I've been feeling very low in my motivation; I don't get my work done or sidetrack; I've been sneaky; I've been getting depressed; cared about my future and just pondering how everyday should be. Now, how it all started:</p>
<p>During the summer, to prepare for my high school sophomore year, I wanted to spend it getting all of my summer work done. I knew my classes were harder (3 ap classes and the rest honors) and that preparation was crucial. At first I started off ok, I got my English summer reading done. But then, the rest of the summer, I just did silly little things to sidetrack: Cleaning my room (which had been messy since the end of the busy final semester of my freshman year) was one of these excuses to dodge summer work, then hanging out with friends, playing video games, or simply telling myself "Take it easy, you need a break".
In August I attended a seminar for honors students and on the last day, I gave a presentation that delighted the teachers- teachers who would soon be my AP teachers. So from the start, it looks like I set myself up with a high standard..
But, before I knew it, summer had ended and I spent the last week rushing to read four books and finish my summer homework. On the first week of school I was still not done. I kept making excuses to extend my due dates. Eventually, I turned everything in but it made me unprepared and stressed me out. A wonderful start to a semester: Two AP classes and two honors classes, turning assignments in late.</p>
<p>One thing that adds on to my stress is thinking of College: Getting into a good college...and then fear of being rejected. This prompted me to join 5 clubs which now I realize is a lot of work and dedication. Most of the time i don't come home until 4-6pm. On top of that, I work during weekends. At home, I no longer cook (which until now had always been my job around the house) and it pushed over to my father's hands.
But what really gets me now is that I'm barely getting anything done. I find it funny that I tell myself "I have not time to cook, ect." when really I just sit in front of my computer playing games or reading silly things. I've even ignored my paintings and writing stories..
I come home from school knowing I have homework, but I can't get it done. I feel so unmotivated now...I don't even know how I did it in the past or where all that motivation to achieve came from or where it went..
It's not shocking that, with the lack of effort, my straight A+ streak has gone to B+s and low As. Yes, these are wonderful grades. I would be the happiest girl in the world except one thing: I know I haven't been trying my best. Sure, to my teachers the grades look great and due to the honors seminar they think I'm a good student...but I know I haven't been. I've let myself down: I have not been keeping up with class readings and I sidestep assignments or use online flashcards and notes to keep up. I keep using excuses to extend assignment due dates. I've been unprepared. My mentality this year has been "There's just so much to read (40 pages per AP class)" "I should take a break" "All work and no play?" I hate this, I don't know why it's happening. Where did that studious girl go?
I took these classes believing in my ability and because I wanted to challenge myself, but I've failed to take the challenge. It hurts and I've been trying to get on track but I keep sidetracking. And then I wonder: What do I want to do when I grow up? Get good grades for what? The question burns me and just makes it worse.
Everyday I wake up asking myself, "what did I do yesterday?" only to realize that I really got nothing done. None of the things I should do and none of the things I REALLY want to do. Then I wonder: Should I just completely sell my soul to school and ignore all distractions (throw away my games, my paints..) or how can I enjoy a little fun without overdoing it?</p>
<p>I want to tell this to my friends, but they've been busy with their own problems or if I do tell them they barely say anything besides "lol" or "oh, it'll get better."
My brother and father are always working, and knowing this, I take advantage of it to just play. But that's wrong. I've told them about this but when they are not here, what can they do? And just the other day I found out my father doesn't know how to read a report card; I could get Cs or Fs and he wouldn't know. It hurt and really dampened my motivation.</p>
<p>In the end, the big question is: Help, what can I do to become motivated again? To not be afraid of the future? To not sidetrack? To become the strong girl I used to be, or even stronger? How do I survive the storm of high school?
I want to fix things before its too late...before everything crashes.</p>
you’ll be fine