plz grade my essay.Plz

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Plz grade the essay!</p>

<p>The amount of potential one possesses is irrelevant if they do not work hard to maximize their potential.Therefore,people should be judged by their experience and achievement rather than solely their potential.This statement is validated by several works of literature, and current and past events.
Drew Brees , a current NFL quarter back and Superbowl champion, is an example of why it is valid to judge individuals by their accolades rather than their potential.Coming out of college, Brees was considered to have very little potential due to his minuscule stature.Many critics thought that his height would be an enormous disadvantage and that he would be a failure at the professional. Brees used his critics words as his motivation and worked deliberately over the course of his career in order to become the Hall of Fame quarterback. Brees showed that it was wrong to judge an individual by his athletic potential because, in Brees's words "hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. </p>

<pre><code> Another example of when a group with limited potential accomplish great feats is the case of the ancient Mongolians.The Mongols had a very small army and were not considered a threat to any of their neighbors in Asia.Despite their seemingly in adequate potential, the mongols were able to take over the largest continent in the world, using careful planning and brilliant strategy the Mongols seemingly exceeded their potential and became rulers of the largest empire in the history of the planet.

Although same individuals exceed their potential, others fail to make use of all their potential.An example of this is golfer Jeffery Liu. At the young age of 11, Jeffery put the world on notice, by becoming the youngest person in history to win a PGA tournament. The expectations rose immensely. Many analysts touted Jeffery as the next golfing legend.This would not occur however because in the next year, Jeffery experienced an immense downfall in his results due to his lack of dedication and work ethic.Many analysts judgments of Jeffery had been proven wrong because Jeffery failed to utilize his potential.
As evidenced by Drew Brees, the ancient Mongolians, and Jeffery Liu, experience and achievements should be used to judge an individual rather than merely their potential.
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<p>@determined2300 plz</p>

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<p>*</p>

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<p>Should be a 10.</p>

<p>Tips:</p>

<ol>
<li>Increase word length. MUST be minimum 400 words.</li>
<li>Avoid using words like ‘therefore’ in the starting of the essay itself. Seems like you’re concluding before even stating the examples.</li>
<li>In the beginning of the third example, combine sentence 1 and 2. Make it something like, “Although…, people like Jerry Liu…”.</li>
<li>Work on conclusion. Try to make a it a little catchy. Learn some catchy phrases to plug into every essay.</li>
</ol>

<p>P.S. You can use ‘tender age’ instead of ‘young age’. </p>

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<p>@determined2300 Thank you for the suggestions!!Really appreciate it.</p>

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<p>I would run it through a grammar checker. I am not going to point out all the punctuation and usage errors, but there are enough that it wouldn’t be more than a 10. I would work on that and double-check my writing for errors when taking the test.</p>

<p>As an aside, I didn’t know 6’ was that short for an NFL QB.</p>