<p>After quickly looking through these responses, I believe that it would be instructive to note the experiences of those with 2 parents vs. single parent families. Seems Emeraldkity and I had similar experiences with widowed moms...</p>
<p>Just a thought</p>
<p>1969 - Private Religious School. Parents had no involvement in the application process, but they basically ordered me to attend that particular school. The 60s were still raging, and they were very worried that if I went anywhere else I'd become a drug-addled Hippie. It was a very conservative school, so while there I WAS a Hippie. Anywhere I would have been considered a hopelessly straight shooter.</p>
<p>1974 - public university (in state) then transfer to private university. </p>
<p>My mother's biggest regret in life was that she had been forced to drop out of college after her freshman year due to financial issues. When I was in high school, she returned to college in the evening while continuing to work full time during the day. I still have the old 1940's typewriter she used for all of her college papers. I remember finding her late at night many times, still up studying or typing papers even though she had to be at work early the next morning. She received her degree the summer I graduated from high school. My father never received a college degree, although he did take a few college classes here and there over the years.</p>
<p>My parents were both supportive of my college search but they were severely limited in what they could contribute towards the cost of my college education. Through her employer, my mother found me a job at the end of 9th grade. I worked 20-25 hours a week, more in the summer, for the rest of high school and it was always understood that I was working to pay for college. </p>
<p>They did take me on several trips to visit out of state colleges, and let me get out of chores to prep for the SATs. My mother also talked with my high school guidance counselor a time or two about the college application process, but I don't remember her helping me fill out or prepare my applications. Because of financial issues, I ended up going to an instate university for my first two years that was a bad fit for me academically. My mother encouraged me to transfer, and both were very supportive, going with me to visit two colleges, even though my mother had been diagnosed with cancer that spring. They helped me fill out the financial aid paperwork that enabled me to afford the private university I transferred to. </p>
<p>They drove me to college each year, visited once or twice during each semester, and always let me know that what I was doing was important and valuable. However, they had very little idea of some of the wild hijinks I was involved with in college. :)</p>
<p>My husband, same age, had a very different experience. Both his parents were college graduates, and had masters degrees. Neither played a role in his college search, beyond assuming that he would apply to and go to their alma mater (he didn't). His grandfather took my husband to visit several schools within a three hour drive from home. When he was accepted to one school, his parents paid full cost. He drove himself to college in the used truck they bought him for graduation.</p>
<p>carolyn, you?!</p>
<p>Oh yeah. :)</p>
<p>Why are we so involved/invested in our children's college selection process?>></p>
<p>I vividly remember the first time I came across the college guidebook in my high school guidance office. Big fat book with a shiny cover. I opened it up and started reading and felt like I held the keys to the kingdom in my hand. It seemed unfair that I would only be able to attend ONE school (in the end, I attended two plus graduate school). Guess that's why I still like researching colleges so much. :)</p>
<p>Another factor: after talking to my mother, my guidance counselor made it clear to me that people like me (i.e., from poorer families, smart but not at the top of the class) had limited options when it came to college. He actively discouraged me from considering several schools on my list, and kept pushing me to apply to a so-so state school. Based on the financial aid and merit award package I received when I transferred, and what I know about college admissions now, I believe to this day that I probably would have received enough financial aid to attend many of the colleges I dreamed of but was directed away from by an ill-informed guidance counselor. I don't want to see any child, including my own, have limits like that put on their choices.</p>
<p>i dont know if this is just for parents, but i just recently graduated in 2005. my parents took me to places to look at colleges, and we pretty much split all of the fee's 50/50 as far as tuition room and board are concerned.</p>
<p>they helped move me in and helped move me out, other then that they never really came out to visit. i chose my major, my job, and my courses and everything else myself.</p>
<p>don't know if its too late to respond.Grad year 1970.NYC resident therefore CUNY was free and open enrollment (guaranteed a spot) I was a mediocre HS student at first so overall average not so great.Got into the lesser of the Queens County CUNY's.Also applied to one private nearby college b/c a friend went there.Got in somehow.Father said NO not paying tuition of you can go for free.Didnt know about financial aid so went to the CUNY and lived at home.Parents had not attended college nor older sibling,I was the first.Always sort of resented Dads attitude as he could have afforded to send me.
Can't remember parents ever expressing an interest in what I was doing,grades,etc. Didn't attend graduation (January grad).I dont thing they ever set foot at the school .
I've always been gung ho that my kids attend anywhere they want and not be limited in their outlook.Maybe b/c of my experience.Professional background has been in college admin (student services,especially financial aid...started as a student aide in the registrar's office as a job in soph year!) Pretty involved in the process for own kids and have helped numerous others over the years.First kid just graduated and on to PhD program,second rising senior polishing off his list.</p>
<p>Freshman college year: 1975</p>
<p>My GC at a blue collar suburban HS said "I don't know why you'd want to go to college, women just have babies anyway. But if you must go, you'll never go to med school, you're too naive. Why don't you major in something useful, like accounting? I still think a secretarial school would serve you better in the long run."</p>
<p>My father (grad of state U on ROTC scholarship): "You can go to state U and live at home or not go to college at all." In May of senior year, I told him I wouldn't go at all after seeing my older brother given the same ultimatum flunk out of state U in first quarter and join the Army. Small LAC 1 hour from home called my dad mid May (I was NMF) and invited him to bring me to see campus. Without telling me why, one Monday he told me to "get in the car" and off we went. After tour with chair of bio, dad told me I could go but my mom would pay tuition for 1 year and I would have to pay the rest. Which I did with loans. Mom told me she was disappointed in me that I had majored in chem (magna cum laude) and not bio. And then went to med school on military scholarship. Graduated and mom told me she was disappointed that I wasn't going to be a surgeon. In retrospect, I now see that I was very competitive for Ivies...GPA 4.0, NMF, had won the state science fair after mentored research at state U, top 8 in national pageant, published in national magazine...but denied opportunities.</p>
<p>Declared I would never allow this to happen to my child. Montessori school through 6th grade. Private "selective school" 7-12. Am doing everything I can to arm her with what she needs to apply to the schools of her choice this year without pressuring which schools these should be or what major. That's why I am so grateful to all you parents for your advice and guidance. Thank you!</p>
<p>Freshman year, 1968. Community college, then transfered to a state university. Took 10 years to earn a BA. Both parents did not graduate from high school. Mother was supportive of college, but it was not considered that important. Out of a senior class of 405 about 25 went on to college. No assistance from anyone. Grants, loans, and jobs paid for it. Took a while to pay them off. Continued through grad school at Chicago, first year loans and working, then fellowships thereafter, still no parental involvement, except support and disbelief that I had made it that far. (I liked grad school so much, I stayed at it for nearly 15 years.) In one way it was better that way, no pressure to "succeed." No goals set for me, only admonition was to be nice to people, and to be concerned about and work for equality for all (it was the 60's).</p>
<p>Freshman year 1979</p>
<p>Very little parental involvement, and I had no idea what I was doing. First generation to go to college, parents didn't know the process. I didn't know the process. Unfortunately, my Guidance Counselor didn't know the process except for the large state u and the local regional u. </p>
<p>Basically, I applied based on the literature I received following the PSAT -- if a college looked interesting and caught my eye. That was it -- LOL. Schools:</p>
<p>Oklahoma State
LSU
Miami (Fla.)
Tulsa
Cornell (an afterthought, after I was recruited for a sport).</p>
<p>Accepted at all. </p>
<p>Parents involvement for the actual college year was very minimal. They drove me to campus, unpacked, gave me a hug and left. Didn't really see them again until the end of Semester, which was probably for the best. They showed up hours earlier than they had told me at the end of one Semester, and Dad opened the door to the hall to find me wearing a bathrobe, holding a bottle of Yukon Jack and (for some inexplicable reason that totally escapes me) wearing a rubber gorilla mask. He just shook his head, probably thinking of the tuition check he wrote every semester.</p>
<p>Noneofyourbeesknees: At least in my case, I got way more involved because I felt that I screwed up my college applications majorly. Only by unforeseen circumstances (bf, now H :) ), did I end up transfering to a better school. Wanted to save my kids that, ironically, my D ended up transfering too. Sigh.</p>
<p>Momof1--count me as one on the list with widowed moms; I think she should get a medal for what she did at the time!</p>
<p>Freshman in 1977. Parental involvement ... they offered help whenever I needed it (and I almost never asked). Involvement</p>
<p>Picking a major - an hour of discussion
Creating list of schools to which to apply - an hour of discussion
Visiting schools - My mom took me to visit 3 schools.
Discussing finances and ROTC scholarships - an hour discussion
Reviewing my essays (at my request) - an hour
Paying for all test and applications I wanted to do - perfect
Allowing me to apply whereever I wanted to - perfect</p>
<p>I was the first from either side of my family to go anywhere other than a state school. Looking back I could have done a better job of considering more schools (especially LACs) and my parents could have helped me understand there was a wider range of schools than I considered but they really didn't have the first knowledge to help me.</p>
<p>Frankly, I hope to be as supportive and unabtrusive as my parents were (with more specific focussed offers of help)</p>
<p>Freshman year--1970 at Wellesley.</p>
<p>Parental involvement in school selection, courses, degree, preparation: none other than paying app fees and driving me to my WC interview. Although both parents had professional degrees--civil engineering and medicine(pediatrics)/public health--undergraduate studies were in the Philippines where the Univ. of the Philippines was the #1 school. It was public (and free at the time) but required an entrance exam. Graduate school was in the States, but parents knew very little about the undergraduate college application process. Because my father had been incapacitated by a stroke my senior year and we didn't have a car, I had help from a grade school friend and her family (station wagon) moving into my dorm. I did try to visit every month because home was only twelve miles from school.</p>
<p>Geez, am I the youngest parent here so far? (not to rub anything in, but whooo-hooo!)</p>
<p>Freshman year -- 1981, state college, alma mater of both parents.</p>
<p>Parent involvement: two college visits to UCs, one campus I hated, the other I loved. Decided I would apply there and if I didn't get in, worry about it later. Didn't know about other options, and better fits for me probably would have been out of my folks' price range. </p>
<p>Mom may have looked over my application and essays but other than comment that they were nice, nothing. Both parents were proud and happy when I got into their school. Mom came with me to student orientation one day in the summer. They both drove with me to help move in. Dad would come up and visit me every couple of months, plus the first year, I still played soccer on his club team, so I would see him at games on the weekends. Dad would send wonderful letters every week or so, updating me on what was happening with my brothers and sister and enclosing articles from the hometown paper and little comic strips. Mom was busy with three younger kids and a career so got up to visit less often. </p>
<p>I went off to college with a used Selectra electric type-writer, a dictionary and my dad's Shakespeare (we were both English majors). </p>
<p>I want to send letters to our S after he leaves this year, even though email and IMing is much easier. There's just something nice about getting real mail and having a letter in your hands. </p>
<p>I think I'm more involved with the college search process because I can be. I only have two kids, and the internet makes finding information so easy. If I had four kids or had to write away to colleges for information (like in the old days), I would probably be quite a bit less involved. It was fun, the search and the visits. But I'm really ready to let go now and limit my input with S to paying the college bills, genial conversation, praise and commiseration.</p>
<p>Freshman year 1975 at state U. Went on "exchange" program as sophomore & stayed on as a transfer student (with lots of merit aid) as OOS at large western state university that I loved. Never had more than 30 minute discussions with parents about which school to apply to as exchange student, never saw campus before arriving. Sophomore year had 10 minute discussion about majors with mom between Community Service & Public Affairs (yes, it was a major at my college) or Sociology. She said Sociology, so that became my major & then I chose law schools to apply to all on my own, as did my brothers. We all got into several law schools & went (I went to OOS UC school with almost full-ride, merit aid). Don't recall any discussions in family about college or grad school expenses. NONE of us visited campuses before applying to school or attending.
Brilliant younger brother got into Stanford as entering freshman (only school he applied to) but dad refused to let him go, citing expense. Brother was very upset but went to State U & applied to be Stanford 2nd semester sophomore & was re-admitted & went (parents paid bills & took out loans, he also got limited merit aid). He graduated after 2+ years at Stanford--loved it!
My younger brother & I were only kids out of 7 who got undergrad degrees from OOS schools, everyone else got bachelors from state U. Both sisters got Special Ed masters degrees from OOS college (UMichigan) with huge merit scholarships. Both brothers went to small private law schools (BC & Willamette). Can't recall any discussion between parents & any of us about any of our graduate schools; can't recall any of us doing much research about grad schools either. None of us visited campuses before we arrived for 1st day of class. Parents didn't see most of our campuses.</p>
<p>Freshman year - 1974. Private engineering college in India. My mom thought I'd never get married if I became an engineer. That was more reason for me to defy her. Dad said if they stopped me, I would resent them forever....so he let me go, thank God. There were 10 women and > 1000 men in our class that year. It was a tough adjustment but I did well. Parents were not that involved except for paying for it all and they did visit me once. I was homesick for about a year and then I settled down.</p>
<p>I am not a parent but could relate to some of these posts - an honorary old schooler.</p>
<p>1998 - The UC Schools, I had no parent involvment. My mom was a single immigrant mother trying to raise to boys. She never graduated from high school and worked 12 hour days to put food on the table. My older brother (who is only 2 years older) acted as my college and financial advisor -- helped me fill out applications and FAFSA forms. </p>
<p>He gave me an SAT prep book, which he used and marked up, and told me to study for the test. After erasing all his marked answers, I studied for a few months and took it. I did fairly well on the test and applied to three schools: UCLA, UCSD, and UCSB - and was accepted to all. </p>
<p>My mom knew nothing about the schools but wanted me to go to the best school that I could possibly get into. My brother ended up getting both his undergrad and MBA degrees from UCLA and I am currently doing my graduate work at UCLA. My mom is amazed, and extremely proud, that we have gone this far in our education.</p>
<p>Lderochi,
Love the story about the gorilla mask. I can just picture your poor father!</p>
<p>Enrolled in college fall, 1969. I'm quite sure my single mom didn't even know WHERE I applied to college. I picked my colleges based on the pretty pictures in the catalogs in the guidance office. I filled out all the forms...mom just signed what she needed to sign. I got NO parent financial help at all. 1st year went to private LAC in W.VA with good finaid package. Transferred after that year to state university. 1st year had no finaid (transfers were not eligible) but it was a state school and I had an extra long summer vacation and worked double shifts. Following years had great finaid, worked as an RA, and a vocational rehab grant for all tuition/fees/books/medical (it was when voc rehab was much more lenient and generous with college funds....I would NOT qualify now). I was the first in my family to GO to college, and plus my dad was a refugee from ww2. Didn't know at the time that could have been to my advantage. Still....graduated with $1200 total loans which were all forgiven because I taught in a low income school district. Grad school was on full fellowship. Those were the "good old days".</p>