<ol>
<li> No parental involvement. Full music scholarship to the State U plus lots of financial aid (I was a "0" EFC!!!!) and many, many jobs. My parents never went to college, divorced, father not on the scene.</li>
</ol>
<p>Only owed $500 in student loans when I graduated in 4 years, went back to the same school for enough graduate classes to sit for the CPA exam (which I passed!).</p>
<p>I recently had an overnight visit from a younger friend. She and her husband stayed the weekend--with their eight kids, ages 1 to 13.</p>
<p>Their level of involvement with their older kids is on par with what I experienced as the oldest of six in eight years. It has advantages and disadvantages.</p>
<p>Count me in to the mean moms club. My kids know I will always help them if they are helping themselves. I do not help wastrels.</p>
<p>When I first heard of kids leaving college & returning home because they weren't happy at college, my thought was, "Not happy at COLLEGE? Are they NUTS? Jeez, they must be WAY too happy at home! Those parents really aren't strict enough." </p>
<p>NO<em>WAY</em>IN*HELL would I have moved back in with my parents, short of serious, debilitating illness. I didn't even spend summers there after the 2nd college summer. I was out of there like a bat out of hell. </p>
<p>I was downright eager to work and live in a subletted s***hole! ;) Anything to have self-dominion!</p>
<p>Growing up, I did not receive an allowance (none of my kids do either.) Instead, starting age 11 or so the rule was that I worked & bought all my own things (and they'd assist me with some large purchases) or I did not work and too bad for me, no money & no stuff.</p>
<p>I do the same with my kids (though I admit I am more liberal about helping.) My D last summer, at 17, had worked her way up to the manager of snack place, where many of her employees were 20+. My S at 14 found a manufacturing job for $15/hr, putting together pagers (though he lost it due to his broken arm.)</p>
<p>I have raised them to take care of themselves. I think that inculcating competence is the greatest gift a parent can give. </p>
<p>That can be taught through very responsible parenting or, ironically, through benign neglect.</p>
<p>"Bring on the cinderblock bookcases, spool tables, tuna noodle casseroles, and parties where someone makes a huge lasagne, someone brings garlic bread and cheap wine is served in jelly glasses!</p>
<p>In fact, I think that could be a great theme for one of our cc parties."</p>
<p>Sounds like you're describing my house! (though no tuna-noodle casserole; most all meals are veg, so substitute tofu. :p)</p>
<p>My parents basically told me that I could go anywhere within a 3-hour radius of NYC, so I chose the far northern outpost. The whole place and its wealth confused them mightily, as it did me for the first year. But they were very supportive, helped financially as they could (though at least my mother thought I'd be better off at City College), didn't ask too often about my use of hallucinogens (they really didn't want to know the answer), and were very proud of me when I excelled, even if none of their friends had ever heard of the place.</p>
<p>My d. of course is a world traveler at 17 - I basically say she can go anywhere she likes within a three-day radius of home, by plane. ;)</p>
<p>1981--parents were divorced. My dad told me in state or ROTC. I applied ED to UVa without even visiting. Looking back, I really wish someone had helped me explore other options. I always wonder if I would have enjoyed a smaller school more. </p>
<p>My kids would have been hard pressed to go it alone without a lick of parental involvement. It's pretty hard to fly out to visit out-of-state schools on a minimum wage budget. The final list, the final choice, and the classes/majors etc...have all been their doing.</p>
<p>WELL!</p>
<p>in 1970s and 1980s, wasn't it relatively easier and less competitive to get to get in top schools?</p>
<p>"I applied ED to UVa without even visiting."</p>
<p>That's GREAT, I hope you didn't regret your choice.</p>
<p>I'm not so sure it was easier, although I agree that's the conventional wisdom. Maybe for some it was a little easier, but for others (eg, URMs or the great majority from little known high schools) it was a little harder.</p>
<p>jmmom- "Bring on the cinderblock bookcases, spool tables, tuna noodle casseroles, and parties where someone makes a huge lasagne, someone brings garlic bread and cheap wine is served in jelly glasses!"</p>
<p>Wow!! that really brought back some memories!</p>
<p>I am trying to learn to back off a bit. I suppose h & I won't just dump Ds stuff off in front of the dorm.. we'll at least take it to her room. But I'm not hanging around to help her unpack, etc. (Besides- I'll be crying too much and won't want to embarrass her.)</p>
<p>Untitled--I think you misunderstood my tone. What I meant to convey is that nobody took me around to visit schools, or even suggest other schools. I applied one place and got in so there was no further looking or investigating. I lived, and I'm not scarred for life--but yes, I DO regret that I did not look anywhere else or that I did not have anyone to help me through the process. </p>
<p>And yes, it was much easier for in-state and out-of-state admissions in the 80s. I'm not implying that this was some great feat, just that I regret that no more time and attention was given to where I would spend four years and $20,000.</p>
<p>I miss my spool table. :)</p>
<p>
[Quote]
I miss my spool table.
[/Quote]
</p>
<p>When I started dating my wife, I was making a pretty good salary. My "bachelor pad' had the aforementioned cinder block shelves, spool table, second hand furniture purchased from a used furniture store, and assorted gas station logo glassware. My stereo system, however, was close to state of the art. It was easy to move after we got married. My wife just called Salvation Army and they carted everything away (except the stereo).</p>
<p>
[quote]
assorted gas station logo glassware
[/quote]
I still have some of that...and...drum roll....an Uncola glass (upside-down Coke soda-fountain glass with a 7-Up logo).</p>
<p>There's a name for the style of furniture you've all been describing: "Impoverished Student Modern."</p>
<p>We, too, had a spool table (nicely refinished), a wonderful huge old maple office desk (also refinished) with a birch wooden office chair, a Mission Oak chair and deacon's bench (little did we know it would turn out to be worth a helluva lot more than the $15 we paid for it), cinder-block bookshelves. We bought a new Sears-O-Pedic mattress and box spring -- that was the only new furniture we had.</p>
<p>Oh, what I would do for an oriiginal Sinclair DinoGlass in mint condition. ;)</p>
<p>Box spring? You have a box spring? Haven't had one of those in more than 30 years!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Box spring? You have a box spring? Haven't had one of those in more than 30 years!
[/quote]
Well, check the date when I was in college and you will understand why I had a box spring then.</p>
<p>Along with our classic Impoverished Student Modern furniture, however, we also had a fabulous set of cookbooks -- and that, plus a fabulous chef in the household, trained by her father, made for a classic period in our lives.</p>
<p>Easy-and-over cheese souffle? ;)</p>
<p>Orange marmalade souffle, Grand Marnier souffle, chocolate souffle, lemon souffle, tuna fish souffle, cheese souffle. . . . all of those and a couple more.</p>
<p>One reason this was a golden era is that we could actually eat that stuff then.</p>
<p>Waterbed!!!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Count me in to the mean moms club.
[/quote]
SBMom, I was thinking along the lines of Hard-Hearted Hannahs, but I think I like Mean Moms Club better. Less derivative. The dads will have to have their own <em>alliterative</em> name.</p>
<p>Ah,... another hijacked thread. But memories of the cinderblocks, as well as cookbook collections and stereos worth more than the rest of the furnishings combined - well, the hijack was worth it. ;)</p>
<p>nunofyer - well, actually, I was planning to help unpack (until S kicks me out that is). Will that get me kicked out of the Mean Mom Club?</p>
<p>Waterbeds make me seasick.</p>