<p>One of my professors sent out an email to my class today saying that he couldn’t log into his school email until he remembered his favorite color, which apparently isn’t puce or mauve like he would have guessed.</p>
<p>LOL hilarious. I want to hear more!!!</p>
<p>-I took a course in Russian and Soviet History two years ago, and my [American] professor told two stories about his studies in the former Soviet Union, one of which he was held up at gunpoint in Moscow’s Red Square, and the other in which he was questioned by customs agents for carrying Tang orange juice powder with him in his suitcase. For the latter story, he basically had to convince the customs agents that it was just orange juice and nothing more than that. Thank goodness he speaks Russian fluently, right? The entire class was blown away! He was a fantastic professor with amazing stories. Those are definitely two noteworthy ones that I had to share with you guys.</p>
<p>-During my first semester of my freshman year, my U.S. History professor mentioned the following to my class: “No one is white. Why? Because white is the color of your paper!” </p>
<p>-Last summer, my logic professor told my class the following: “If you’re an anthropology major, don’t earn a Ph.D in it. You’ll just move to Africa and become a crack-whore.” He also had no problems discussing what “cockblocking” was in class. The entire class died laughing. </p>
<p>-My current political theory professor told my class that a student happened to write that he [my professor] was a “communist” in a bathroom stall. Another professor saw it and took a picture of it with his phone. </p>
<p>-While discussing Plato’s “Republic,” the same professor mentioned that he would marry Plato if he could (bear in mind, he’s married to a woman).</p>
<p>I have been waiting for a thread like this. Last year, I kept a record of crazy things spewed by my awesome American Government professor, and now is the time to share. Literally getting out old notebook…</p>
<p>“There are cameras everywhere, you’re always being watched. I gave up scratching my nuts 20 years ago!”</p>
<p>“I lost it all a long time ago…”</p>
<p>“You’re in the urinal, minding your own business… Hold your own thing. NO HELP IN THE BATHROOM!”</p>
<p>“If I had a labor union…” <em>eyes twinkle</em></p>
<p>“Social Security: You get a piece of that action!”</p>
<p>“B-ball payer gets $15 gazillion bazillion a second, while the fireman is getting 50 cents a week saving little kittens and five year old babies.”</p>
<p>"Conservatives: ‘Government shouldn’t be tyrannical or all omniposcient, except for the military.’ "</p>
<p>“Soft money: rolling in the dough, wheelin and dealin.”</p>
<p>“All that’s good blahbity-blah!”</p>
<p>“I voted for Donald Duck, but his quack ain’t gonna get heard!”</p>
<p>“laissez-faire = lazy faire!”</p>
<p>“They go to conventions, then they’re formally ordained candidates.”</p>
<p>“Touching plants refurbishes them.”</p>
<p>“We’d have less war if we had more sex.”</p>
<p>“Congress is divided into two houses. That was an idea of Hitler! Divide and conquer. That’s why he split up the Jewish families! Congress is very much like a Jewish family.”</p>
<p>“The House: more rules than you can shake a stick at! The Senate: them guys are just kickin back, no rules! Cooltown.”</p>
<p>"When Obama was going up against Bush, Bush was the incumbent. Bush had name recognition. ‘What’s an Obama?’ "</p>
<p>“Before 1990! Like 1900!”</p>
<p>“Jihad, kind of dangerous, but not serious. Like a rabid raccoon in the woods.”</p>
<p>“House Commerce Committee… Important cr@p!”</p>
<p>“What stays in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas.”</p>
<p>“When I was a youngster, I really dreaded the notion of the Nazis.” (He’s black.)</p>
<p>Explaining free speech, he spun around and shouted at a front row student: “I’M GOING TO SEVER YOUR MOTHER-****ING HEAD OFF!” He later said this wasn’t protected speech.</p>
<p>“I’m a freakazoid!”</p>
<p>All of this is in chronological order as I wrote it down, but I saved the best for last.</p>
<p>I have, sitting in front of me, a chart explaining his grand conspiracy theory. I don’t know where my scanner is, so I’ll whip up a replica on Paint.</p>
<p>Took me a while, but here ya go: (Edit: Should be titled, “The TRUTH about JFK”) <a href=“http://i56.■■■■■■■.com/2e39v2h.png[/url]”>http://i56.■■■■■■■.com/2e39v2h.png</a></p>
![http://i56.■■■■■■■.com/2e39v2h.png[/url]](http://i56.tinypic.com/2e39v2h.png%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
<p>I probably spelled some group names wrong. Ah well.</p>
<p>Anyway, he was a very good Government teacher, despite (or perhaps because of) his jokes/rants/funny stuff.</p>
<p>Here are some from this week that I wrote down in my notes because I lol’d.</p>
<p>“What would you do if someone started eating your leg?”</p>
<p>“There can be only one scenario where one guy is every ex-boyfriend. But he’d be kind of a slut.” (This was in Semantics, if that explains anything)</p>
<p>“What would it be for a centipede to touch itself?..KIIIIIINKY!”</p>
<p>The best part is that these were all said by different professors.</p>
<p>Calc teacher from turkey: “Fried chicken, whats that”
Us: “Mr bulent, isnt it pretty self-explanatory.”</p>
<p>class mate playing disney music on guitar after testing.
same teacher:“whats that hyun, folk music?”</p>
<p>me laughing: HAHAHAHA
same teacher: “Tyler, what are you doing, practicing your international laugh?”</p>
<p>he is pretty funny :)</p>
<p>My anthropology teacher describing Polynesian explorers:
“Then they would come back, and they would…get their wives and pigs and put them in a boat and go back to the new place!” </p>
<p>or when discussing kinship diagrams</p>
<p>(pointing to the circle)“this is the daughter, and this” (waves hand around while pointing to the triangle) “is the…first born child”</p>
<p>He’s Italian and his accent is super thick…occasionally he forgets words in English and subs them with random words he learned in Fiji:)</p>
<p>Bump…</p>
<p>Calc II professor:</p>
<p>“Go to class, go to lab, get guaranteed B. If not, you probably idiot.”</p>
<p>I had an anatomy professor last semester who was always very quotable. Here are some of my favorites.</p>
<p>“You can’t kill jello with a fork!”</p>
<p>“Did you like that sound effect? I was practicing it all weekend.”</p>
<p>“Never underestimate the power of sponge.”</p>
<p>PoliSci Professor: “My parents weren’t religious, but they sent me to Sunday school. I dunno, I guess they thought I should get values or something.”</p>
<p>YES! Love this thread. </p>
<p>I’m a high schooler, but here are some of my favorites from my Calc teacher anyway:</p>
<p>“I think there was beer involved but I’m not sure…”
“Your math teacher may lie to you, but math will never, ever lie to you”
“When I took Calculus, I wanted it to be a religious experience”
“I’m going to be like the federal government with your tax dollars and just cross out this negative five billion”
“It’s another one of those times we can apply drunk driving to math”</p>
<p>“An industry that uses (adobe) flash a lot is the porn industry”
~My professor making an awkward statement a bit after I made a remark about how the iPad can’t play flash.</p>
<p>These are so funny. Bump</p>
<p>So I have an art history class and we were learning about Roman art. So she pulls up two pictures of the same women, one is nude the other has a towel covering her. So she asks all the men in the class which picture is more sexual to you. I didn’t know that getting off at pictures were part of art history.</p>
<p>In Calc II, someone asked a “dumb” question about a theorem…</p>
<p>“NO! That’s just dumb! That would be like me saying my family lives in India. But then you raise your hand and say, well, why doesn’t Chad’s family live in India? And I say NO! We’re talking about MY family!”</p>
<p>lol these are hilarious! bumpity bump</p>
<p>My very attractive and fobby Chinese econ professor: “I think about sex all the time, I just keep it separate from economic research.” And everybody was like o.O</p>
<p>Keep em Coming! Bump</p>
<p>“F*** that s<strong><em>, baby. It’s totally legal to get drunk with my students. And you guys are way more f</em></strong>*** fun then my old a** friends.”</p>