<p>We need other people in order to understand ourselves. We need other people to compare ourselves to because if we didn't, no one would have any morals. The only time we are not comparing ourselves to others is when we are trying not to; to feel better about ourselves.
If people were unable to compare themselves to others, our morals and virtues would have nothing to be based on and would be derived completely from what makes us happy. Without others to look up to, we would have no consideration of what things or actions hurt others physically and emotionally. If we have the desire to be more empathetic towards the rights and needs of others, we must first first take the time to understand others. Time has shown and proven that humans have the same basic needs and desires. One of those desires in a person's life is acceptance. At some point in everyone's life, you look for some sort of acceptance. Whether the acceptance comes from a role model, teacher, parent, or friend; we all want to be accepted in some way.
Since the day we were born, our parents have been molding us into people that resemble themselves in many ways. Our moral values are much like our parents' and our personalities are also similar. Without our parents and other role models to model our behaviors after, who knows what our personalities would be like.
We, as humans, must interact with others in order to understand ourselves. As humans, we all have a conscience that tells us the "right" thing to do. That conscience comes from the understanding and interactions with others.</p>
<p>i don’t know what the prompt is, so I can’t really give it a grade.
but some overall suggestions:
instead of vague blanket statements (which do have their place), use some concrete examples
get rid of semicolons unless you are EXTREMELY comfortable using them
have a simpler argument. I get lost/confused in what you’re saying.
try to have at least 2 body paragraphs.
I see you have a solid command of the English language, but I don’t understand what you are trying to convey with this essay. The last paragraph seems completely different than the previous two.
For the SAT essays you want to have a very CLEAR thesis that is easy for the reader to follow.</p>
<p>The prompt: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>
<p>I think you’re going to have a lot easier time, and get a higher score, if you write an example-based essay instead of a theoretical essay such as this one. Theoretical essays are difficult to write well in 25 minutes, and most that I’ve seen end up swerving all over the place. I believe this essay would score a 3 or a 4, based on the following issues:</p>
<ol>
<li>Your thesis isn’t obvious. You jump around a bit and it’s not clear at times what you’re trying to prove. </li>
<li>It’s unclear whether your last paragraph is a conclusion or another body paragraph. </li>
<li>Your sentences don’t vary in structure. </li>
</ol>
<p>I feel like you’re trying to go too deep for what 25 minutes will allow. Josh1994’s advice is right on: have a very clear thesis and stick with it. Go for a basic point done well. </p>
<p>As for semi-colons, what’s on each side of the semi-colon must be able to stand alone as a complete sentence. If both sides of the semi-colon aren’t full sentences, you can’t use it. </p>
<p>Hope this helps!</p>