<p>Wow--not opening someone else's mail is one thing--I'd certainly always agree to that even now if he changed his mind. But to be told not to touch my own mailbox is a bit over the top for my taste. But as I said, none of us should get to say how it goes in anyone else's house.</p>
<p>My son received an envelope from one of his two rolling safeties today. It's pretty obvious that it's good news because the outside of the big, fat envelope reads "Congratulations!". I text messaged him on his cell and told him what school it was from, that it was fat and said congrats. His was response was "Nice, I'll open it when I get home."</p>
<p>Momsdream: a polite son who knows how to make his preferences clear without needing to shout about it :). Congrats! Hope the "main one" comes through nicely too!</p>
<p>If the letter is addressed to you, then only you should be the one to open it, unless you're out of town and would not be able to open it for a while. Four years ago, even though S knew he had gotten into UCLA through notification on its server (that crashed from 40,000 applicants logging on--I ended up getting through on a T1 line at work), I let S open the letter. Plan to do the same thing with D this time around as well.</p>
<p>So for all the ranting I did above, and while I firmly believe that the student is in charge of his or her own mail, do be sure to ask them when the reply cards are due!! Although my S did get his in on time, he neglected a couple of reply cards to schools that had accepted him but which he declined, and then he got polite letters from admissions asking to please let them know what S's plans were. S had called the coaches to let them know of his decision but forgot that he was also supposed to let admissions know. So ended up writing letters of apology instead, for not having sent in the reply card.</p>
<p>Patient:</p>
<p>I so agree with the need to notify colleges of one's decision asap. I know lots of people don't bother to inform colleges that they will not attend, but that makes it so much more difficult for colleges to move to their waitlist in a timely fashion. My S informed most schools he would not be attending practically the very day he received his letters of acceptance, but agonized until April 30 between two schools.</p>
<p>3togo-
Feel free to use the hat/t-shirt/decal idea! It was a great moment, which he mentioned on the form he filled our for his roommate match (it asked him to identify a memorable event). That made me feel wonderful- to know how much it meant to him. It is clear, as citymomteacher says, that this open-the-envelope thing is handled very differently by each family. I like that- that's how it should be. These should be special, memorable moments. Now I have 3 years to come up with a new and different idea when s. #2 hears from colleges. Somehow that hat with the beercans on either side and the tube running to the mouth comes to mind...... (Currently he has his eyes on the big state school, unlike s.#1's small private school). But a lot will change in 3 years-- I'll worry about it then. Good luck to all of you-- I can't believe it's been a year since I was in your shoes. Time flies...</p>
<p>Patient and Marite, thanks for bringing up the parenting end of the process. Too many kids forget what to do with the schools where they do not want to go. And just as we try to make sure they do the right things in getting into the schools, we should help them with the etiquette once they are accepted. S's school provides postcards that they pretty much force the kids to use as so many kids neglect this final step.</p>
<p>All but one of my son's schools sent a long survey to fill out, accept or deny.</p>
<p>In addition to reply cards, four years ago, S sent short e-mails to the admissions offices thanking them for accepting him but informing them he had decided to go elsewhere. Even if admissions didn't notice, he (and my husband and I) felt better about it. We'll have D do the same thing this year.</p>