Regret my decision to come to this college? I'm so lost please help me??

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Let’s separate this from the imsohungry’s specific situation and look at it from the standpoint of so many new students: sometimes it’s hard to get in the social groove in a new environment.</p>

<p>I recall an admissions dean commenting that by far the most common reason transfer applicants gave for changing schools was, “There’s no social life at my current school.” This comment came from students at every kind of school, from small private colleges to big-time party schools like major state universities. There WAS a social life at these schools, but the transfer applicant’s hadn’t found a way to fit into it.</p>

<p>Not everyone who doesn’t immediately develop a posse is a socially awkward loner. Circumstances vary. Some kids arrive knowing others from high school or ECs, others don’t. Some have great roommates, others don’t. Some are in small classes where there’s lots of discussion, others may end up in too many large lectures. Some arrive with a specific EC they know will participate in, like sports or band. Others don’t.</p>

<p>Some arrive at awkward times. While the OP arrived just late enough to miss the usual orientation activities, others may start an entire grading period out of sequence.</p>

<p>One takeaway (too late for this year’s matriculants) is that to get off to a good social start, it’s best to arrive simultaneously with all the other new arrivals. Take advantage of any orientation activities. Some schools may offer an optional orientation program earlier than the main move-in day - if possible, take advantage of that, too. Being part of a small group of newbies makes it almost certain that you’ll get to know people quickly.</p>

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<p>I think you would find the same problem at any college you went to, to be honest. High school and college are very different experiences. In high school things are pretty structured and a lot of things are kind of forced on you, so you meet people in classes, school events ,gym class and so forth, and also you are with kids from the same town and so forth. While it is rough to switch schools in high school, there is usually an effort made to help the kid adjust and so forth…</p>

<p>At college you are now being put into a more adult situation, and what you experience there isn’t all that much different then you will experience when you go out on your own. What would you do if after graduation, you were offered a job in a town or city far from home where you don’t know anyone? What happens if you are working, and then suddenly you find you have to move someplace else where you don’t know anyone?</p>

<p>The thing about any college is, you need to put out the effort to meet people, especially if you tend to be someone who is more introverted, and 4 weeks is not a lot of time to be honest. Ever talk to people in class? Ever hang out in the student center or whatever they have and just talk to people? Are their events on campus, movies, lectures, concerts, etc?</p>

<p>You said you never would go to a party alone, why? Is it because you are shy and have trouble dealing with a group of people you don’t know? Are you afraid that parties are these places where everyone gets drunk, does drugs and something bad will happen? (I am not asking that to be snarky, I did a college orientation at the school I went to, and I had more then a few students, usually young women, ask me if college parties were that bad). If you live in a dorm, they usually have events/parties, and unlike the image of frat parties (which has some truth to it), dorm parties are usually pretty low key. </p>

<p>And there are always student groups that range the gamut, from political groups to ethnic cultural groups, movie groups, there usually is some sort of student group that books programs like lectures or concerts, that is part of the college experience.</p>

<p>I don’t know where you are going to school, but what about the surrounding community? How about volunteering at something or checking a local bookstore to see if they have a book reading group…or if you are of a religious/spiritual bent, try to find a local church and get to meet other people that way. Others have also suggested working on campus, that may be a great way to meet people, too.</p>

<p>Have you talked to anyone about this? Dorms usually have RA’s on the floors for kids who are having issues and so forth, they are there for that, and schools usually have counselors and such to help kids over the hurdles, you may find it great to have someone to talk to or offer suggestions. </p>

<p>Most importantly, give it time before discussing transferring, your situation kind of reminds me of an old novelty song by Allen Sherman (came out I think before I was born) called “hello Muddah, Hello Faddah” where the kid is at summer camp and miserable, it is raining, all kinds of bad things…then suddenly the sun comes out, kids are having fun, and it ends with “darling muddah and faddah, kindly disregard this lettah” :). May you find the same thing…</p>

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<p>I think students need to think a year at a time, not a month at a time. It is too bad if you miss the first couple days with newbies, for your own comfort level, but the backlash in your mind can be out of proportion to the situation. Sometimes roomie’s don’t click totally and that is to be expected 1st year. As you go about your business you should start meeting people in the dorm, the classes and any ec’s and clubs you go to, natuarally. Later you will add some people in your department.</p>

<p>It isn’t a thing about time, it was a whole year for my kid–she was friendly with people 1st year, but she really took a year to find ‘her people’ and make the deeper friendships who will be close, and she missed those deep friendships from HS, not the everyday ones.</p>

<p>And is it so important about your social life a month onto college? The academic life is why you are going to college, no? If you have too much time on your hands and can stew, (or just be homesick, as others suggest-- I personally think it is good to have a varied experience) it’s time to get a 4.0 or take on another project, just something that interests you if you can. Get out of your own head a bit, and look at a year of matuation, and good college study skills.</p>

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<p>have not read all of the posts but…you really have to guts this one out! Life is what you make of it. Better to learn now how to adapt - you must have activities or clubs that you can try to join. You are at a place full of people your own age so there have to be things to do and/or ways around this. Challenge yourself - in a few years you will look back and be happy & proud of yourself. Do you always want to be in a place where you know everyone & everything is comfortable? How will you ever be able to take a job that might require you to travel or transfer to another city? You need to learn how to adapt - college is the perfect time to do this! Leave your pity party and get out there and talk to people - you are not the only one feeling this way!</p>

<p>I know a kid who went off to a large state school (he was out of state). After 2 weeks he came running back home all wah, wah, wah. Had a million reasons (everyone knew each other, everyone went to high school with each other, everyone was weird, no one would talk to him, people dressed weird etc…) that went on & on. He dropped out of this school. Planned to go to the local CC (lasted one class) and then was going to transfer to another school. Well none of this happened. What is he doing today? All of his high school friends are heading back to their colleges. He is living at home and working at a local restaurant as a sometimes waiter, somtimes bus person, sometimes host.</p>

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<p>…hungry-- I recommend you enlist in the Navy, Army, or Air Force. They
are looking for boys to turn into men. Good luck!</p>

<p>Just my .02 David</p>

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<p>Stay. Don’t transfer. You’ll find friends. And it sounds like you have lots of friends outside of school. I’m looking at Law schools right now and the worst thing i did in my past was let social pressure dictate my education. It may have ruined my LS chances! You picked this school for a reason. Remember to stay away from first year drama, focus on your education, focus on yourself, and stay happy. Friends will come :slight_smile: Oh and other replies here are right, join clubs, make sure they are clubs of your interest. Enjoy this time!</p>

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<p>Find some things to do where you will be around other students. For instance:

  1. I second the idea of getting on on campus job. Be sure it is one where students frequent (i.e. library, student center, etc…not admissions office, financial aid office, etc.)
  2. Join a campus band or choir. Those groups meet regularly and travel and perform together.
  3. Join the theater group…if you can’t act or sing help with the stage crew
  4. If you have a sense of faith, go to the campus ministry and see what is available for students
  5. Join intramural sports teams and some student clubs. Again, pick ones that actually meet regularly!</p>

<p>You have to get out and join several things and then you will end up finding one that clicks. Also, go to the school counselor. Even though you are a transfer student they will or can have campus buddies to help you get acclimated. Let them know that once YOU are comfortbale you would like to help others (for instance, transfers next term).</p>

<p>Hope this helps. Hang in there. Give it more time. Just because you adjusted well to a change in high school does not mean every new experience will work itself out quickly. Sometimes it takes awhile.</p>

<p>T</p>

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<p>LOL…people in your dorms will be your “friends” but your best friends will be those you meet in discussion or writing classes.</p>

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<p>^Not always. I never have spoken to anyone in my discussion classes. I met most of my friends through one person who I used to be in a sorority with. I have never made a friend in a class, but I have lots of friends. I just met people through other people. It’s different for everyone.</p>

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<p>I’ve been to parties by myself. Not ideal, but you still get to have some fun, and I usually recognize somebody there. Need to find myself a wingman, though.</p>

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<p>What are you interested in? Whatever it is, your school will have a club you can join. Even if you’re the most introverted person, super shy and practically mute, you have to join a club or at least go to the meetings. The only way you’re going to make friends is to take risks. That’s part of your college education. Lots of people go to these things alone. No one is going to be looking at you saying, “poor loser, he had to go to the cinema club by himself” because they’re all there to watch the black and white movies, too. </p>

<p>You’re not in high school anymore. No one will think you’re weird if you show up somewhere alone.</p>

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<p>You can learn to go places by yourself…and enjoy it! Arrive when you want…leave when you want…talk to anyone…drink/don’t drink…dance/don’t dance…YOU GET TO CHOOSE! </p>

<p>You WILL gain confidence…and really, people like confidence even more than good looks or money. Put a smile on your face (fake it 'til it’s real) and get out there! </p>

<p>Go to school athletic events. You should have seen all the cute girls at a recent college soccer match we attended! There are also lots of college ministry groups…many of which serve free food ; )</p>

<p>Learning to handle yourself at this stage, with these challenges, will pay off all through your life. You can do it.</p>

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<p>What school are you at?</p>

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<p>@Roger_Dooley</p>

<p>I think you acted to make this ■■■■■’s thread meaningful. Unfortunately, I think the majority of posters still are responding to the original post without reading your comments.</p>

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<p>Don’t regret your decision of you being in this school just because you have not made any friends yet. In college you have to approach the person if you want him to be your friend. Participate in clubs, extra-cullicular activities and just have fun. soon you will make some friends for the lifetime.</p>