<p>In the college search process, I gave them guidelines. I have four “children”, the youngest is 18, so I have it down to a science now <em>lmao</em></p>
<p>They have to stay in the northeast. Younger S did apply to Rose Hulman, but that was the farthest away. Younger D visited, but didn’t apply to Oberlin. Otherwise, all the college choices were in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island. Transportation is an expense that we have to consider, plus the time element.</p>
<p>I taught them how to look up the data regarding financial aid. They understood what our budget would be, and what their portion would be. They knew that it was in their best interests to limit their choices to schools to those that are affordable. </p>
<p>But the final choice once the acceptances were in and financial aid was awarded, was theirs.</p>
<p>The college search process was a good bridge between being the boss and becoming more of an advisor…</p>
<p>There are fewer choices now that I have to be involved with at all. However, I have complete control over my pocketbook and I can choose what I will fund and what I won’t. Should a kid decide to take up skydiving, for example, they better have their own funding in place! It is not my place to tell them “no,” but I certainly don’t have to pay for it.</p>
<p>Some kids who graduate from small schools really prefer that environment in every way and will enjoy a smaller school if financially possible, but that isn’t always the case. D1’s grad class had less than 40 kids in it, they’d been together for years - but she is thrilled with her experience at big state U. If she had gone to some of the small schools her classmates chose she would now be doubting her ability to function outside of a small sheltered setting - not what I’d want from a college experience, so the change has been good in its own time.</p>
<p>I think kids need a lot of help exploring what it really means to spend $X more for college A than for college B. What else could they do with that money? What options might it make affordable outside of the classroom? Most 17 year olds have not had to fund their own spending habits to any great extent - the money isn’t real to them yet even as they begin to make choices about spending a whole lot of it.</p>
<p>Son of Shrinkwrap is lucky that the choice isn’t debt vs. no debt but extra money for other things vs. everypenny goes to school - still, to really make the choice that will continue to make him happy he needs to realize and fully envision what both options entail - and to do this far away from the glossy promotional materials of all of the schools.</p>
<p>He WILL be applying for an unsub FAFSA, and (at least trying to) get a job if he wants a school that will end up costing us 20k more. Not sure about the expected numbers (“ESC”!), but I think it will be a good experience. </p>
<p>His school, which sends most kids to a CCC or a small Christian school, and this year, a record 10 to a UC!, has been talking about the FAFSA for the last several months, and he has asked “aren’t we going to do that?”. I have come up with a few ways of responding, but the best one is probably to just let him fill it out. We will have to update our parent part, which is what has me dragging my heels. That and being really busy with ohter priorities…like posting here!</p>
<p>I tell my senior what to do ALL the time - pick up the towel off the bathroom floor, put the dirty dishes in the sink, brush your teeth (sadly, yes) fill out that scholarship form NOW, go to bed… etc etc etc. </p>
<p>I know, I know. What can I say. Arrested development, I dunno. The college experience will be a mighty experiment in “Can this late bloomer bloom? Ever?”</p>
<p>I also bought the time share and then we canceled. Thank goodness. </p>
<p>I think you can be swayed by a good sales presentation, so try to make sure that the decision is not based on hype. </p>
<p>I think money saved is a good thing in general. If you save 100,000 on college now, a financial counselor would tell you that it should be worth 1 million in 30 years. Even at a lesser amount of interest it still would be quite a bit.</p>
<p>In the end, if you can afford it, and it is the best place, why not let the kid make the choice? It sounds like you are considering all the relevant factors.</p>
<p>My daughter picked out a bunch of schools to apply to. I suggested SUNY Binghamton as well as it was similiar to others she had chosen and was a “best value” public school.
I also suggested WPI as they were bombarding her with mailings. “Maybe they really want you!” </p>
<p>She applied to two Ivies…if she had gotten into them we would have found a way to pay for them…but she didn’t.</p>
<p>She got into two private schools, but they were around $40,000.</p>
<p>She got into 4 public schools, in the 20,000 to 27,000 range. She didn’t want to go to our home state public school even though it would probably have been good…she wanted to get away (I was the same way). That is something I didn’t fight her on.</p>
<p>If she had chosen one of the 40,000 schools, I would have probably said no because I cannot see that much more value over OOS Public college with an Honors Program.</p>
<p>That leaves her with 3 public universities…I will let her choose whichever she wants because all are on a similar level and similar cost. I probably would have made a different choice but she is making a reasonable choice. I have been feeding her info on climate and rankings overall and rankings within her major and CC threads…but letting her make the final decision. We are living in Germany at the moment so cannot attend any Admittted Students Days.</p>
<p>“If she had chosen one of the 40,000 schools, I would have probably said no because I cannot see that much more value over OOS Public college with an Honors Program.”</p>
<p>This is where it seems to get sticky. In past years, if a parent said that, others might reply…“then you shouldn’t have let youyr student apply!”. </p>
<p>But I feel I am learning SO much, about my kid, about the schools, about our finances, and even about myself, as we go. What we know NOW is just not the same as what we “knew” when this journey started, and I wanted to allow for change, both good and bad.</p>
<p>Fortunatley, so far, so good…but here in California, we are taking it one week at a time!</p>
<p>It might help to reframe this issue. You do not need to identify “the best choice.” Instead, remind yourself that there are several excellent choices available to your son, and the odds are very good that he will be happy and successful at whichever school he chooses.</p>
<p>At the 40,000 college she actually had gotten a merit scholarship (it started at 50something thousand)…since they were seemingly recruiting her and they had a reputation for giving out money I thought it would be worth applying.</p>
<p>Looks like they will let him change his major! Talking about reframing the issue! Now we are actually GRATEFUL that they will take all our money!</p>
<p>I agree that once all the results come in(decisions and financial), it can be a completely different landscape than originally expected.</p>
<p>I remember too feeling I had learned so much, especially about the financial aspect that I just didn’t know well enough.</p>
<p>Would it have changed her overall list? Definitely! We wouldn’t have bothered with some and may have added on some others not on our radar but in the end she ended up where she was meant to be and where it thankfully worked out financially.</p>
<p>She, as a default of being my oldest, was my guinea pig and I can now use that same knowledge in the future for younger D and S. Unfortunately though she was likely the one that presented with the best package for admissions so some of what I learned won’t bs relevant but until you’ve gone through it once you just really can’t quite comprehend it.</p>
<p>My daughter is a junior. I’m a widow, have been since my D was 2 1/2, so we’re very close. I started my obsessing a little over a year ago. At some point, after literally weeping at inspirational stories on the Colleges That Change Lives site, it occurred to me that I was not the one going off to college. (Don’t I wish.) When I turned MY list over to my D, that’s when the fun started. Turns out, she has ideas. What!?!? The way we came to the current list (which, at 12 contenders, is still a bit long) is that I would give her schools to “look at” (as in read about, look at the website). Then she’d make a pronouncement: I like it, I don’t like it, no way, etc. There were a number of schools to which I remained attached even after she gave them the heave-ho; sometimes I held on because I thought the school would be right for her, but often enough my stubborn advocacy on behalf of this school or that had more to do with my own fantasies about college life. In any case, what worked for us is that we started with a list of solid contenders, any one of which I would be happy for her to attend. We’ve done a few visits and done a few drive-bys (a school’s location is very important to her). We’ve added some large public Us as financial safeties; they’re bigger schools than she’d prefer, but I didn’t want her to fall in love with only cute liberal arts colleges. Much as I want to think of the college list as mine (or, at the very least, “ours”), things went much better when my D asserted ownership of the list. We have a few more road trips before the list will be final. My D says that any school that stays on her list is one she’d like to attend. She doesn’t want to rank them. Rather, she wants the list to include schools that, for one reason or another, excite her. I really love this kid! I especially love how she makes it clear, in word and in deed, that she and I are not the same person.</p>
<p>“This is a $100,000 business decision” - Ha… or maybe even more. </p>
<p>“But I feel I am learning SO much, about my kid, about the schools, about our finances, and even about myself, as we go. What we know NOW is just not the same as what we “knew” when this journey started, and I wanted to allow for change, both good and bad” - Yep, same thing in our house. Lots of students have evolving interests and priorities during senior year. In that case, you really have to apply to a varitety of schools, even some that may end up being too expensive if FA and/or scholarships are lower than hoped.</p>
<p>This might just be my favorite CC thread ever. I really only read it because Shrinkrap started it, and I feel like I know her (or him? sometimes hard to tell) from a few other threads. The advise here is great, relevant to so many, and quite reassuring. And Shrinkrap, you seem like a really super parent and I have a feeling your son will do just fine wherever he chooses to go.</p>
<p>Ah…this sounds so good now. My daughter was the same way. But then they get accepted to all or most and they HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION! I think they don’t want to get disappointed if they don’t get in. And I guess it is good if they don’t have a number one in mind in case the financial aid is bad, but when you have a bunch of good schools with similar financial aid, if they don’t have any preferences then they have a hard time deciding.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, I’ve read several of your posts while researching some schools on CC. Thanks for all you’ve written about on CC. I’ve read a lot here, but this is my first post. There were some schools in common, two of which my son applied to but was not accepted at. He is now faced with seven acceptances, four with merit money, and waitlisted at another. Money is a factor, but so, too, is the level of support for a student with special needs. It sounds like your son is getting close to making a decision, and I’m curious what school had the amazing admitted students event?</p>
<p>bopper–thanks. I’m sure the final decision will be difficult and will make a mockery of our neat little plans! I’m just glad she doesn’t have the attitude, “If I can’t go to Oberlin, I’ll roll myself up in a little ball and die.” You know? I figure we may have to strategically employ repeat visits and overnights to sort things out in the end. But … What do I know? One assumes that, just like having a baby, everything associated with this decision will ultimately be much harder than you ever imagined. People TRY to tell you, but then they stop and say, “Well, you’ll see …” And then there’s the empty nest thing to contemplate … Oy.</p>