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<p>I didn’t get that at all from this, </p>
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<p>Yeah, I admit that was a little confusing. Perhaps it was meant to be a humorous or flip comment that would get a laugh at his father’s expense, but discourage questioning about the situation in any detail. Was it said with an irritated tone, OP? When I wrote my post I paid more attention to the student’s comments about feeling relieved and that the school was a more comfortable choice.</p>
<p>The exchange was self reported to me by DS2. The drift I got was that DS2 was trying to be a bit humorous.</p>
<p>For my older son, I was pretty sure which way he would jump and made a pretty conscious effort not to lobby for Harvard over Carnegie Mellon. I let my sister-in-law make the case for Harvard, which she did eloquently, but I knew in my heart of hearts that CMU was right for him. He put off the decision till April 30th.</p>
<p>For younger son, each school has pros and cons, but I’m sure he’ll be happy at any of them so I am staying out of it. If I had strong feelings one wasn’t a good fit, I’d say so. I do give him information about programs at various schools as I come across them.</p>
<p>It sounds like the OP’s son is comfortable with his choice. Has he informed the college yet?</p>
<p>I agree with all of the above, even though they’re contradictory. However, no one has pointed out that the dad only talked about food options. It’s not like he began to extol the wonderful professors he had or anything.</p>
<p>Food is not an important part of the college decision making process so your H doesn’t seem to have muddied the waters all that much.</p>
<p>My kids would have just told their dad to shut up (<em>probably</em> more politely) if they were happy with their decision and the began to talk about the other school.</p>
<p>I think if your S were really set on his first decision your H’s comments would not have made a dent. Perhaps he knows he’ll feel more comfortable there and the fact that its his dad’s alma mater just put that last ounce on the scale.</p>
<p>After all, being an alum at the same school as a parent is a nice thing to share. Many kids go to their parents alma maters just as a matter of course.</p>
<p>I could see my DH doing this just to be funny. That’s the way he relates to our boys, and they certainly wouldn’t think that he was criticizing their decision. Your situation may be different, but I agree that DS wasn’t really convinced that his original decision was the right one and rethinking it, for whatever reason, made him change his mind. He has stated other reasons to select the alma mater and is fine with the decision. He may have done the rethinking and mind-changing even without your husband’s comment.</p>
<p>Everything is good. Don’t worry about it.</p>
<p>Another possibility- the son may have interpreted the parent’s silence and lack of lobbying (before his first decision) as an indication that they were not so enthusiastic about their alma mater. But then when Dad started talking favorably of his alma mater after the first decision was announced, he realized that parents would be okay and maybe even approve if he did choose that school.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your responses! Each one has been insightful and very valuable to me. I feel much more clarity and less angst. I only discovered this site last December and recognize the wisdom and generosity found here.</p>
<p>The evaluative decision phase is new to us DS1 had a clear first choice and was admitted ED. Upon reflection, I view his ownership of the decision as a very important contributor to his ability to find the resolve and/or resources to work through the occasional miserable circumstance i.e. a quite challenging course or an argument with a roommate as well as the source of the sheer exhilaration of choosing his own path.</p>
<p>In reviewing your responses and the situation, I see my own culpability. Our family had not visited the non-alma mater. We did plan to visit it on the college visit trip but during the trip, we found ourselves behind schedule. We didnt have a specific session or appointment scheduled at the school and did have an appointment scheduled at the next one, so we bypassed the school. The school seemed to be a great fit so DS2 applied and we happily visited it for the first time, very recently, during an admitted student event. At my request, DH and I agreed to let DS2 form his own impressions. DS2 announced his decision at home before DH shared his own reflections and thoughts. I realize I really didnt call off the opinion moratorium; DH hadnt weighed in before the declaration and the situation evolved the way it did. The terrific input of your responses has been very helpful. If you have any additional suggestions, Im all ears!</p>
<p>Isn’t it just the story of parenting that we get one phase down and the next phase is upon us? Everytime I think we’re done with “firsts”, another one comes along. </p>
<p>More than an one specific turn of events, it really is a process and it sounds like you’ve all handled it very well, including the hiccups. I wish you all the best of luck in going forward.</p>
<p>One thing I learned with First Kid is never make a big decision on colleges right after a visit to the campus.</p>
<p>They should sleep on it a few days at least. They usually love the place immensely for at minimum a few days and then they start thinking through & processing what they experienced. Most of the time they decide it wasn’t such great shakes after all.</p>